Worst/Stupidest Retro title you've played but couldn't put down!

[Escape-To-88]

Been hammering away on the Saturn this morning and came across a game I have never played before, but remember the review in an old issue of the now defunct 'Ultimate Future Games'. The game was the laughable terrible 'Battle Monsters'.
The premise is quite good, classic monsters from movies, legend etc. get together to beat the crap out of each other.

Sadly the end result is a mess of 20-largers-and-a-kebab vomit proportions. With only 2 recognisable Monsters in the form of Frankenstein's monster and Medusa it's a hilarious shambler of a title.
My favourite bit is when a caveman in one of the background is giving it the 'James Brown Knees' with a couple of fish in his grubby mitts, better than any Beadle moment that.

But the interesting thing is, I couldn't put the game down until I'd finished it. Every fight I had to see something more chuckle inducing than the last as the digisted characters amble and clunk about the screen. It was so bad it was pure genius!
Anyone else have a classic retro game that they play that is utter turd but cannot put down??

[carbon boy]

How to be a Complete and Utter Bastard on the ZX 128. it was so crap, yet hugely addictive. Lent it to a mate and never saw it again...

[peeveen]

There was a really crappy game given away on the cover of Sinclair User one time. It was called "Software House", and was some kinda text-heavy management simulation of running a computer games company. You would buy in games from enthusiast programmers, select the type of packaging, how much you wanted to spend on advertising, etc, etc, and at the end of it all, the game would call RND()*10 to figure out how high in the charts it got. Absolute crap, but I remember sitting playing it for ages with my pals, just so we could give the games bizarre or (more usually) rude names and watch them soar to the #1 spot. My, how we laughed.

[eastyy]

Vaguley remember rockstar ate my hamster taking up some time

I do also have hazy memorys of my dad playing a spectrum game quite a lot i think it was called new wheels john or something

It was a buying/selling cars game

[Escape-To-88]

new wheels john

Only on the Spectrum

[vertigo]

Heh there were so many text-based obscure management games on the Speccy. Great days All just spreadsheet sims of course, only with less graphics

Ummm... my two: Sanrio World Smashball, which is little-heard-of but is in fact the third best multiplayer SFC game of all time ever behind Super Bomberman and Mario Kart.
And 64 Minna de Hakken: Tamagotchi World on the N64, which was out before Mario Party and I find much more fun and my wife also loves. She has actually asked me if we can play it, rather than me forcing it on her, which is nice.

[Big Seany]

I was playing this Qix clone on MAME a load recently. Basically each part of the screen you draw reveals a scud piccy underneath, however if you want to see the whole filthy thing (and some of it is full frontal stuff, hamburger shots, the lot), you have to act fast - because it gets to a point where the timer runs down and the picture of the porn-tastic laydee reverts to some horrible Hellraiser style beast-demon. Can just imagine some swollen bollocked teenager trying to beat one out over the picture, only to be permanently psycho-sexually scarred when the monster appears and he is on the vinegar strokes - quality.

Great days.

[Duddyroar]

That's Lady Killer, innit?

The game is actually quite good! The porn is a bonus, TBH.

[k0pp0]

Hah! I think I played a similar game on mame a few weeks ago, but it was manga filth instead.

[dataDave]

vinegar strokes.

I ****ing hate that term.

Ban request for Seany.


Super Double Dragon on the SNES. The NTSC version ran in bullet-time when used with a convertor but for some reason I'd both hire + clock it repeatedly.

I've played plenty of gash titles for the music alone. PDZ being the most recent. I sold it when the game stopped playing the music for some shifty reason.

[Big Seany]

I ****ing hate that term.

Ban request for Seany.

It is not my fault if you have a problem with premature ejaculation, sonny

Seriously though, get the ROM and play the porny game - it is top class.

[dataDave]

For some reason that term made me stop putting vinegar on my chips. Where the hell does it come from anyway? I can't see a link. It can't be some sly cockney slang either.

[Geoff D]

Where the hell does it come from anyway?

I was told it was to do with the similarities between the face one might pull at 'that' moment & the face one might pull when drinking vinegar.

[AdamJW]

mine's Masters of monsters: Disciples of Gaia. I'm a big SRPG fan so I had to track this one down in the end. Its godawful really, but was perhaps good in its day. It had me hook line and sinker though for a couple of months. I didnt finish it in the end, but gave it a damn good playing to the point of almost changing my mind about the game.

[Matteh]

i got upto about level 8 on the orignal zelda a few years ago, despite how terriblly its aged ><