Are you happy?

[QualityChimp]

First thing's first: Get some professional help.

You seem to be tackling this on your own and you're getting nowhere.

Get to the doctor, go to that AA meeting, start speaking to professionals.

Reading that last post, which is full of the kind of spelling mistakes you don't normally make, I can tell you're exhausted, emotional and possibly drunk again.

If it's the latter, it's not helping anyone, especially yourself.
Those are some pretty dark thoughts you're having.

Sorry if I'm putting 2 and 2 together to make five.

As others have said, vent away here. We're looking forward to seeing you coming out of the other side of this.

However, get some professional help.

[fishbowlhead]

QC beat me too it and said everything necessary. If you love her that much then it is up to you to sort yourself out, but NEVER be afraid to ask others for help in the process, you will need it.

Keep venting away fella.

[randombs]

I've had a rough week so decided I need to see a specialist. Have a mental clinic appointment booked for Saturday morning.

I do know that she wants to make it better, but she feels that she cannot.

I don’t know how to give up the person that I need to make me me.

Don't give her up.

Of course we're not privy to anything beyond what you post for us here, but it sounds like you two are far from the stage where all is lost. She called the police with the intention of sorting you out, not getting rid of you. That's a pretty good silver lining.

How's AA coming along? Is it helping at all?

[J0e Musashi]

I’ve stopped drinking by myself. It’s not exactly entertaining by yourself anyway. Plus I don’t really want to drink anymore as it’s what got me into this situation in the first place. Tills has blocked all forms of communication, which doesn’t really matter anyway as I’d go straight to jail under the restraining order if I contacted her. All of our friends have done the same thing too, which from what I gather is so that I don’t breach the restraining order indirectly, but I have nobody to talk to about things. I have no way to fight to get her back. I feel that if she isn’t lifting the order, then she must want out, but I don’t know why as everything was amazing prior to that night. I feel so alone and I can’t see any way forward. Everything went from being perfect to absolutely nothing overnight. We’d never even had a row, we didn’t even have a row that night. I never got to say goodbye. I haven’t been able to say sorry or hear how she feels. I got taken out of our house and it just stopped right there. It’s almost as though she has died. It’s heartbreaking and is affecting my ability to function as I’ve got so much going around in my head that I can’t get answers to. My sister keeps telling me to get over her and move on, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to be getting over. I don’t even know if she’s still my partner or not. Is she sad, does she hate me? Is she scared and confused? I just want to know what’s going on, but I have no way of finding out. Does she want me to just walk away, or am I supposed to fight for her? How can I when I can’t contact her? I’m in limbo. I’m so confused. I’m at breaking point.

We should be in Lapland now, so her daughter can meet Father Christmas. We had Christmas all planned out, my birthday too. I’ve lost all motivation. I have literally nothing to get up for now. I’ve barely left the house in all of this time. I just sit here and drive myself mad thinking about things. My days are so long and empty. The only person who can tell me how to move forward is Tilly. I just don’t know what to do.

[randombs]

If you’re spending that much money in under two months then spend a bit more on real help. Tilly and your friends are out of the picture so you really have little alternative.

I never considered visiting a therapist or anyone who specialised in brain stuff. It’s easier for me in Japan because I can hide behind the language and not feel embarrassed, like I’m playing a character. I’ve visited doctors about my balls and stuff like that which I’d never done before and it’s made me realise how dangerous it is to not to involve professionals.

[fishbowlhead]

Can I ask, was this a case of domestic violence or did you just get out of hand blind drunk and scare her?

[J0e Musashi]

You can ask. It wasn’t domestic violence. On that night I lost my wallet and freaked out about it because I was drunk. I was frustrated and shouting (not at her) and threw a glass at a door, which caused £143 worth of damage apparently. I was having an argument with myself more than anything. It scared her so she called the police.

[dataDave]

That sounds incredibly petty, to be honest. Perhaps she wanted out all along and this was finally her vice? Either way I wouldn't be so hard on yourself.

I didn't even know it was possible to slap restraining orders on people unless they'd beaten you up, or had threatened to.

[J0e Musashi]

She deffo didn’t want out. We were genuinely happy together. That’s why it’s so confusing for me now.

[dataDave]

This restraining order sounds like silly business. Can she lift it if she chooses to? Who applied it in the first place?

[Dogg Thang]

People don't call the police on a whim, Dave. Petty is not the right word here. Only he and his partner know how they each felt at the time so I think it might be best for us to steer clear of judgments or needless speculation.

I can only echo what QC said. Please do try to get all the help you can. Many of us have needed professional help at times and this really screams out as being one of those times. As for more advice, you've probably had more than enough of it so I will just wish you well and remind you that things will get better. You can't go back but you can go forwards and there are better times ahead, whatever form they may take.

[Zaki]

She deffo didn’t want out. We were genuinely happy together. That’s why it’s so confusing for me now.

D, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through, but this restraining order sounds like TOTAL BS.

Can you send anyone (family or friends) to find out what the feck is going on with her?

[fishbowlhead]

You can ask. It wasn’t domestic violence. On that night I lost my wallet and freaked out about it because I was drunk. I was frustrated and shouting (not at her) and threw a glass at a door, which caused £143 worth of damage apparently. I was having an argument with myself more than anything. It scared her so she called the police.

And how long did it take to get a restraining order?

[QualityChimp]

Just having a look at restraining orders and it says they last between 14 and 28 days.

I don't know the full details and I'm not asking you to do so on here, but if she's asked for some distance before she'll see you again, you should be using that time to try and sort yourself out.

If you could say sorry, it'll never happen again and these are the steps I've taken to ensure it doesn't, I think it'll do a lot to ease her mind.

If it is really worst case scenario and there's either a permanent court injunction or she doesn't want to see you, then at least you've made those steps and are on the path to bettering yourself.

I've said it before, but I admire your honesty and openness.

Same for anyone else breaking the online taboo of making it seem everything is okay, when actually it's not.
Kirov, Randombs, Supes etc.

[J0e Musashi]

The CPS do it with any case that is considered domestic apparently. Due to it happening in our house, it was treated that way. It can be lifted, but that’s up to her. Sending somebody else could be considered as indirect contact. It’s all up to her to initiate. Maybe she needs time to cool off, and this will all get resolved one day soon. She may even be in the process right now, especially given the time of year and all, but I won’t know anything unless she contacts me to let me know. Maybe I’ll just never see her again, which is something that I try not to think about. I can’t see myself knocking on the door in a year’s time to talk it all through if it stays quiet until then. It’s all just so hard for me to deal with if I have to walk away from someone who made me the happiest that I’ve ever been without really knowing why. You can’t just switch off loving somebody and she must miss me like I miss her. The house can’t be the same place without me being there. Surely she must have questions too?