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    #31
    Originally posted by Cassius_Smoke View Post
    In my early 20s I was suicidal. I actually bought all the relevant equipment to gas myself in my car. I drove around for weeks with it in my boot and never had the guts to do it. In the end I threw it all away.

    These days I have a loving wife, a great daughter and a nice house. But honestly, even now I have moments when I look back and think I should have done it.

    Am I happy? I absolutely should be, people have far far worse lives, but I don't think I ever will be. I have something destructive living in me that won't let me be, I've learned to live with it.
    As others have said, have you ever talked to anyone about it?

    Sending virtual hugs your way. X

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      #32
      Originally posted by dvdx2 View Post
      Just about to watch a signal one release, disc authored by you mate!
      Bloody hell [MENTION=75]Lyris[/MENTION], are you behind Signal One? Really cool releases. I have Eyewitness!

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        #33
        Originally posted by Wools View Post
        As others have said, have you ever talked to anyone about it?

        Sending virtual hugs your way. X
        Thanks. I'm really OK, I just get on with living. Losing my job recently probably is the best thing for my mental health.
        I haven't ever seen anyone about it. I guess I don't concider it to be that bad. I probably don't concider myself to be worth the effort.

        Since the biggest killer of men aged 18-40 is suicide, I don't think I'm the only one who thinks like this.

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          #34
          Originally posted by Cassius_Smoke View Post
          In my early 20s I was suicidal. I actually bought all the relevant equipment to gas myself in my car. I drove around for weeks with it in my boot and never had the guts to do it. In the end I threw it all away.

          These days I have a loving wife, a great daughter and a nice house. But honestly, even now I have moments when I look back and think I should have done it.

          Am I happy? I absolutely should be, people have far far worse lives, but I don't think I ever will be. I have something destructive living in me that won't let me be, I've learned to live with it.
          It's a consoling thought too though, isn't it? Suicide I mean. When all seems hopeless, just knowing there's an exit helps. If we were eternal, if we existed for ever, that would be awful. Life would be a prison sentence with no escape possible.

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            #35
            I reckon so.

            Growing up I was a right little **** and suffered big time with ADHD, OCD and anger issues. Eventually I turned to solvents and alcohol which in turn led me to a siesta at her majesties pleasure. After that I just went from one bad relationship to another, slept my way through half of Leicestershire, had a kid and split with her mum.

            Now I'm full time employed and back with my daughters mum. My home life is amazing and although my job is a low paid repetitive one, I still have enough money to provide for them and to also indulge my gaming habits. I've finally managed to control my ADHD by myself and even though I still have the odd down day I think I'm doing OK.

            Some things like my stupid obsessions with collecting various types of game(Two attempts at completing a Simple 2000 PS2 collection and various huge import collections) which I'll never play will probably stay with me for as long as I live. Now, I rarely game for more than an hour a day but it doesn't bother me even though when I was single I'd come home from work, eat and then game until I went to bed.

            So yeah, on the whole I'd say I'm pretty happy with the way life is right now.

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              #36
              I'd love eternal life, or would settle for a few thousand years at the least

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                #37
                I'll tell you a source of happiness, this forum. Sure, we're not the busiest place on the internet but we're a good group. I've met a lot of good people from here and there's a few more I'd love to have a beer with. As someone who spends a lot of time on the road for work the site is like having a bunch of mobile mates I can take with me anywhere when I'm sat on my own in the hotel every week. Seriously, a few of you keep me sane while away from home!

                EDIT: This mornings happiness may be added by a malt whisky hangover and the dog waking me up.
                Last edited by Colin; 26-05-2018, 06:52.

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                  #38
                  The whole forum is really looking forward to a meet at your retirement b&b colin
                  Last edited by fishbowlhead; 26-05-2018, 11:21.

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                    #39
                    Originally posted by Cassius_Smoke View Post
                    Thanks. I'm really OK, I just get on with living. Losing my job recently probably is the best thing for my mental health.
                    I haven't ever seen anyone about it. I guess I don't concider it to be that bad. I probably don't concider myself to be worth the effort.

                    Since the biggest killer of men aged 18-40 is suicide, I don't think I'm the only one who thinks like this.
                    You're not.

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                      #40
                      A lot of people I've met have that pit of despair, hopelessness, pointless, mine is definitely a place I don't like and need to keep myself away from. It's about building a framework about it, I build scaffolding over mine so I can suspend myself over it rather than let myself inhabit it and feel that terrible dark.

                      It's like a weird game of the soul you have to play in order to not be insane, but it's doable...if not all the time.

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                        #41
                        I read an article last week that stated that there is a huge link between depression and lack of sleep, in that depression might be CAUSED by lack of sleep in many cases.

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                          #42
                          I've always had this feeling that something isn't quite right, even when everything's going well.

                          I'm most happy when I'm thrashing around on the mountain bike or running or helping people. Or snowboarding - deep feeling of happiness doing that, especially in powder.

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                            #43
                            Originally posted by charlesr View Post
                            deep feeling of happiness doing that, especially in powder.

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                              #44
                              [MENTION=25]charlesr[/MENTION] am Gary Busey confirmed

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                                #45

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