Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Are you happy?

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    And the stuff we go through as adults vs. as children.

    Comment


      Originally posted by Zen Monkey View Post
      It's telling that happy is the default mode for children. They don't need a reason to feel happy. They just are happy, by nature. They need a reason to feel unhappy. For most adults that state of being has switched around to the point where they need a reason to feel happy. It speaks volumes about our society, our education, and culture.
      Probably because we know better. Innocence, ignorance, obliviousness, call it whatever, but that's really the reason imo.
      Lie with passion and be forever damned...

      Comment


        I used to believe ignorance was the reason too but now believe the reason is conditioning and, mostly, just a lack of being present in the moment and paying attention. Most adults don't pay attention to what they're doing because they believe they already know. They don't pay attention to the sunset because they think they know what a sunset is. They've seen them before and so they don't focus wholeheartedly on them anymore. They don't pay attention to the trees because they've seen trees before and believe they know what trees are. And so instead of having their minds focused on where their body is (which is key to extracting the essential oil out of any experience) they end up living mostly in their own minds. When washing the dishes, rather than focusing on it and enjoying it they'd rather imagine all the problems and worries in their life, the things that could go wrong, imaginary scenarios and all the ways life didn't quite meet the image of life they had, or they play out imaginary conversations with the pretty girl at work, or they'd rather think about the movie they saw recently, or wonder what people really think of them. And so on and so on. They live in their minds, caught up in a dream. I've said it before, we can't stop thinking stuff, but we can choose to not get so caught up in them. We can stop believing in them.

        Comment


          EDIT- I’d rather not say what I wanted to say about that reply. But I do feel that kind of talk about how it’s all a choice in your own head, quite disrespectful.

          I wonder how much you’ve ever personally been through if you believe you can just “choose to not get so caught up” in things.

          Comment


            See who posted it, read the first few words until you know basically what is being said, shake your head and move on. All you can do with some people.

            Comment


              Yeah. "Happy is the default mode" for children is such a wide generalisation it hits the point of being wrong. Happy children are happy, when they're happy. Not every child is happy, all children are not the same and it is not the default for everyone. The point about conditioning has some merit but the sunset and trees thing comes down to simple familiarity. I make stories for children and kids will be excited about things like seeing a train or tying a shoelace because they are still new and, because their memories are still developing, are sometimes even experiencing normal things as new. When you have seen your 1000th train and you're aware of that, it ceases to be special. That's a very normal thing. It's not conditioning or not paying attention or because we're not focused on where our body is. It's just a train.

              The idea that you can just think yourself happy is not only often wrong but I feel irresponsible. If you exist in your own little happy bubble regardless of the conditions around you, you allow those conditions to continue to exist - if those conditions need changing (and they often do), you need to see it and make active changes. That way you can create better situations not just for you but for others around you. That seems like a far better thing to me than just blinding yourself into a happiness bubble. And as Kirov says, that mentality could be seen as quite disrespectful because it says if you're not happy (regardless of the situation) it's your fault because you're thinking wrong.

              Comment


                Originally posted by MrKirov View Post
                EDIT- I’d rather not say what I wanted to say about that reply. But I do feel that kind of talk about how it’s all a choice in your own head, quite disrespectful.

                I wonder how much you’ve ever personally been through if you believe you can just “choose to not get so caught up” in things.
                If it upset you then I apologise wholeheartedly as that was never my intention. My post wasn't made with you or anyone in particular in mind. Nor am I suggesting life isn't sometimes testing. It's always testing. But I didn't say we can't get caught up in things. Events and scenarios will always unfold and we'll always have opinions and thoughts about our scenarios, but we can choose how much to invest in those thoughts or not, how much conscious attention to feed them. It's possible to have a troubled thought and not feel troubled. It's possible to witness an angry thought arise and not feel angry. You can create, or be 'aware' is perhaps a more accurate way of putting it, of the space between our awareness and our thoughts. We don't have to let our minds drag us around. We can become the boss. There's a saying in Buddhism: the mind is an excellent servant but a poor master. That's the point I was trying to make in my own silly, inarticulate way.

                @ Dog Thang. Yes. It's about familiarity. Exactly. The things we loved haven't changed. We have. And we can change so that we love them again, if we so choose. But I'm not suggesting we think ourselves happy. It's the thinking that got us into the mess. There's a time to think: when crossing a busy road, when designing a bridge, or planning a journey etc., but there are times when thinking isn't necessary, when it actually gets in the way of experiencing reality.
                Last edited by Zen Monkey; 19-06-2018, 12:51.

                Comment


                  Originally posted by kryss View Post
                  See who posted it, read the first few words until you know basically what is being said, shake your head and move on. All you can do with some people.
                  Some people?

                  I'm takin' that as a compliment, no matter the intent. We beggars can indeed choose.

                  Comment


                    Originally posted by Zen Monkey View Post
                    Yes. It's about familiarity. Exactly. The things we loved haven't changed. We have. And we can change so that we love them again, if we so choose. But I'm not suggesting we think ourselves happy. It's the thinking that got us into the mess. There's a time to think: when crossing a busy road, when designing a bridge, or planning a journey etc., but there are times when thinking isn't necessary, when it actually gets in the way of experiencing reality.
                    Yeah, I think I agree with you in general. The thing is, it's not as simple as making a choice. At least not for most. Whether the mind is servant or master, it is not easily tamed and there are sometimes reasons not to even try. For example, I have a really fun very creative job and, even though I say so myself, I'm good at it. It's high pressure though on top of requiring constant creativity. A big part of the reason I'm good at my job is that my brain works overtime all the time, not just tackling the creative but playing out scenarios before they happen meaning that I can adapt to changing situations. People have this idea that I just know what to do instantly but it's not that - it's because my brain has played out the options many, many times before I've opened my mouth.

                    Here's the down side: my brain works overtime on things that aren't important too. I have very poor sleep and always have. My mind tortures on things I can't change, plays out scenarios that will never happen and reminds me of failings over and over. These are problems. But they are all part of the same thing and I can't just decide to do one thing and not have to put up with the other. It's not that easy. It's never that easy. It's incredibly reductive to make out like that would be a choice that someone could just make and their brain will shut up. Our brains are messy, messy things and, while we can influence it through training to an extent, we can't just decide to change how it works. It does not respond to commands. And then there is the question of whether we should be doing that at all (the personal happiness bubble thing).

                    And yet I get where you're coming from and, yeah, sometimes our brains and thoughts are our own worst enemy.

                    Anyway, I haven't chimed in on this thread for myself because I don't think I have an easy answer. Am I happy? In moments. But mostly no. And I have made a certain amount of peace with that. I can't see myself being truly happy until the world is better and other people are happy. And yet the pressure of that is too much, the responsibility is not all mine to bear and could crush a person (and I think frequently does). I am discontent with a lot of what I do. It's a pain in the rear end but it's also how I get better at things. If I ever stop being discontent, I will likely grow stagnant and die. My brain is a total knob, keeping me up at night and pecking at me like a harpy. But it's also a gift that I wouldn't trade. I have had to come to terms with depression and a dark side to myself and know that's part of a package.

                    So no, generally I'm not happy.

                    But I experience joy and wonder. I make kids smile for a living. I can brighten their day. I might get a letter from a parent of a kid with autism who tells me I made their day just that bit easier. I see my own kids grow strong and know they're going to be just fine. I get lost in music and find something close to spiritual in it. I experience whole other worlds in games, and sometimes just in my imagination. I read stories, words on pages that take me to other places to live other lives. I smile at a slice of pizza. I get a buzz any time I see a dog and I will greet each and every one of them no matter where I am. I'm currently watching a baby seagull grow to adulthood just outside my studio. I get lost in runs (not the runs, that's a whole different thing). I have few friends but they're special to me. I love the people I work with and I love being here and reading all your game talk and experiences. And ice-cream, well, that's something divine.

                    So no, I'm not happy. But I have lots of happiness.

                    Comment


                      I've come to the realisation over the years that feeling pain is part of being human. From losing loved one's to fragile yet beautiful people being anguished over the smallest nasty looks, there's a wide spectrum of pain and unhappiness. Feeling that is normal and human.

                      People who claim they don't feel that are normally the biggest bull****ters around, you know, that Bro stereotype. I believed that was the way to be going up but as time went on, you see it for what it's worth: Horse ****.

                      I think my anxiety has helped get me in touch closely with unhappiness and attempting to please people. I now look at it almost as a twisted privilege. To be so in touch with every subtle gesture, implied word and glance, I realise how everyone feels the same way but it's the interpretation that's the killer.

                      Had no idea you were working in that industry Dogg! Working with autistic kids or creating books for them?

                      Comment


                        Originally posted by Wools View Post
                        Had no idea you were working in that industry Dogg! Working with autistic kids or creating books for them?
                        Not specifically kids with autism. I'm in kids' media (mostly TV). The emails that stick in my mind are the ones from parents of kids with autism. I made one particular show that, for whatever reason, seemed to resonate with many kids like that.

                        Comment


                          I also work with kids with autism.
                          Well, not kids, adults.
                          And not autism, but they're programmers so it's basically the same thing.
                          I've never brought a smile to their face though, or had a note from their parent yet either but other than all that me and Dogg are basically the same.

                          Comment


                            Originally posted by Dogg Thang View Post
                            Not specifically kids with autism. I'm in kids' media (mostly TV). The emails that stick in my mind are the ones from parents of kids with autism. I made one particular show that, for whatever reason, seemed to resonate with many kids like that.
                            That's cool, I bet that's so rewarding.

                            Comment


                              Originally posted by Wools View Post
                              That's cool, I bet that's so rewarding.
                              Not financially! But yes, it is mostly.

                              Comment


                                Originally posted by charlesr View Post
                                How does it feel giving (great!) advice in the Keep fit thread? The thought you put in to your posts was top and you've clearly got a lot to offer.
                                Yeah [MENTION=3332]MrKirov[/MENTION]. Proper inspiring stuff!

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X