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    Originally posted by teddymeow View Post
    Sorry to hear about your day [MENTION=25]charlesr[/MENTION]

    Even now, after 8 1/2 years I still get angry when I see the ex in town despite the fact I have definitely got it better now than I did back then.
    Damn, we got the marriage shaft at almost the same time...

    Comment


      I’m really sorry to hear what you’re going through Charles. As someone going through a tougher patch, I’ve learnt how important it is to keep your chin up. If I can do it, anyone can- I know you’ll make it through fine- and move on to better things.

      So in my case, I’m doing okay!

      Tinder is keeping me occupied - I’ve had 20+ matches in less than a week, and they’re all hot ..!!

      I’ve got another date on Tuesday, and another on Saturday..!! I’m also speaking a lot to someone who I’m really getting along with- lots of texts, had a few phone calls on the weekend, and even FaceTimed each other last night. We’re doing something next weekend, so that should be fun too..!!

      The attention is keeping me going and making me realise there’s no need to be so self conscious and under confident. It seems selfish, but it’s good for me. Sometimes it kinda feels like cheating..? Even though it’s completely not- for instance it’ll be 4 weeks on Wednesday with barely any contact. It was my ex’s birthday on Sunday- I didn’t even text her- what’s the bloody point..!!

      But yeah, I’m waiting at the CBT office now for my next session, that’s going well. Weirdly it’s helping me realise I worry and get anxious waiting for replies or responses from texts- rather than just accepting that people have their own lives, and that they will respond if they want too, and that I would know if they didn’t want too!

      So confidence is building, what will be will be with the house etc, I’m feeling okay. Works going good, and I’m feeling like a hot bitch.

      Who knew the difference a month makes.

      Comment


        Obviously, we're all cheering for you and it's great to see such a transformation, but you really need to get some closure from your last relationship.

        If you're starting to date other people, is it because your girlfriend hasn't contacted you, or is it because you're actually not all that bothered, after all?

        If she said "I'm moving back in", would you want that? Especially if the cat wasn't coming with her!

        It's an amazing feeling to be desired by someone new, but it can also ruin established relationships.

        Have a think about what you want, then either take those steps to try and repair your relationship, or properly end it.

        Sounds like you have a house and some monetary things to sort, which might be clear cut in your mind, but don't want biting you on the bum later.

        Comment


          Originally posted by QualityChimp View Post
          Obviously, we're all cheering for you and it's great to see such a transformation, but you really need to get some closure from your last relationship.

          If you're starting to date other people, is it because your girlfriend hasn't contacted you, or is it because you're actually not all that bothered, after all?

          If she said "I'm moving back in", would you want that? Especially if the cat wasn't coming with her!

          It's an amazing feeling to be desired by someone new, but it can also ruin established relationships.

          Have a think about what you want, then either take those steps to try and repair your relationship, or properly end it.

          Sounds like you have a house and some monetary things to sort, which might be clear cut in your mind, but don't want biting you on the bum later.
          Yep, that’s all very fair and exactly what I’ve thought about and discussed with friends etc.

          Honestly, if she contacted me and said she wanted to come back... I honestly don’t know what I’d say. I honestly think it won’t happen after this long, but if I’m being honest I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about things as they are- and they aren’t that bad. We’ve had wobbles in the past, which after meeting my mate the other day she reminded me of- that I’d completely forgotten about - times where I’ve told her I wasn’t happy and considering splitting. Funny how the mind works.

          But yeah, I’m starting to reflect and actually think maybe I wasn’t quite as happy as I thought. The the fact I’m dating so quick cements that fact a bit- and my good friend seemed to agree, that thats in itself is more of a sign than anything I could say.

          Comment


            Never really read much of this thread before, as I try to avoid boring people with own my navel-gazing, as I figure most people are having a difficult enough time without having to read my nonsense. Apart from what-now-seems-to-be-the-norm mental health stuff, I often think I've been lucky to be able to create some great opportunities for myself and have had some mild success in a number of incredible fields such as music and film, as well as building up two businesses and being able to travel most of the globe. I come from a working-class family and I've had to do pretty much all of this myself in monetary terms, and have had to watch my parents get ill, lose their house to the bank etc. etc. But life goes on...

            I'm the big 4-0 next year and with my wonderful fiancee we will finally be able to afford a house, although we will have to move away as I can't justify £300,00 for a one bedroom flat . However, for years I've struggled to be happy with my work. I'll admit I've 'flitted' a lot and while it makes for some great stories, it hasn't really been all that fulfilling. I trained as a teacher about 10 years ago, taught for 2-3 and then left, having come back a couple of years ago I'm finding the stress of it and general lack of engagement with the job a bit soul destroying. I fail to really see how what we do at our academy is of benefit to the students and I doubt I need to regale anyone with the horrendous work-load and always working late into every evening. Moreover, the incessant changes, constant 'new' initiatives, and general self-congratulatory attitude of the whole 'best school in the area' makes me feel a little nauseous and run-down. I had the best results in the school last year and my reward was my subject being ridiculed and them retracting a £1000 bonus! Anyway, I don't want to rant (too much), I just wonder whether the whole 'happiness' thing is a myth? Like most things, context is largely everything, and I often feel awful for bemoaning my job when other people are in truly hideous situations; close-to-home my fiancee is a paediatric nurse which is a job of life and death! But I wonder, is it too late for me to re-train? I've done a ton of things in my life, and have a bunch of silly letters after my name, but can never quite find my groove when it comes to work. I'm wondering if it's me being spoilt or just the general bull**** we are sold every waking moment about 'being your best self', because at the moment I'm definitely not!
            3DS FC (updated 2015): 0447-8108-3129

            Comment


              Sorry to hear you're feeling unappreciated, Escape.
              The wife is a teacher and I totally relate to moving goalposts, reduced rewards and increased workload.

              Your fiancée's job probably helps put things into perspective, but can also make you feel your issues are trivial in comparison.

              Our parents had a career for life, but our generation can easily change jobs or even careers if we want. I know I'd like to get a job I'm handsomely rewarded for enjoying!

              Have a think, but maybe just a change of academy would help you know if it's the place or the job.

              I must just say, the news of Keith Flint's suicide has hit me a bit. It seems crazy that someone apparently so full of life, an icon and loved by so many could take their life.
              Same for Chester Bennington and Chris Cornell.

              It just shows no matter how happy or how much it looks like they've got life sewed up, they can be struggling.

              If you feel the same way, make sure you speak to someone, gang.

              Samaritans is 116 123
              Website: www.samaritans.org

              I found this on an article about Flint:

              HEADS TOGETHER
              Too often, people feel afraid to admit that they are struggling with their mental health. This fear of prejudice and judgement stops people from getting help and can destroy families and end lives. Heads Together wants to help people feel much more comfortable with their everyday mental wellbeing and have the practical tools to support their friends and family.

              One of their partners is the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM), an award-winning charity dedicated to preventing male suicide, the single biggest killer of men under the age of 45 in the UK. In 2015, 75% of all UK suicides were male. CALM offers support to men in the UK, of any age, who are down or in crisis via our helpline, webchat and website.

              We’re the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) and we’re uniting the UK against suicide.


              NATIONWIDE: 0800 58 58 58
              LONDON: 0808 802 58 58

              Calls are free from landlines, payphones and all mobiles.

              For more on Heads Together, see www.headstogether.org.uk

              Worried about someone? Click here:
              Worried about someone's mental health? Here's how to help. Whether you're worried about someone's mental health, a friend feeling suicidal, or a sibling…

              Comment


                Cheers Dave. It's mainly I never seem to be satisfied work-wise and that then seems to leak into all areas of life where I am fine. And I end up feeling a bit numb to everything, but I guess that's the modern world. I've had a somewhat tempestuous life, with a lot of stuff I wouldn't deem appropriate to talk about here, but it's been fun...kind of...some times, I think.

                In regard to Keith Flint, truthfully I've never met anyone who doesn't suffer from some kind of mental health issue, on some level at least . My seemingly happily-married cousin hanged himself over a year ago now and no-one had even the slightest idea anything was wrong. He was an entertainer on cruise liners and seemed to have a fantastic life and family. Admittedly he didn't live in the same country as me, but we were close when we were kids and he was only a few years older than me. Anyway, sorry didn't mean to turn your point into something about me, just wanted to reinforce your point.
                3DS FC (updated 2015): 0447-8108-3129

                Comment


                  Not an issue, thanks for reinforcing my point.

                  Also, to clarify, this is the one thread where people can't talk too much about themselves.

                  Comment


                    Happiness is overrated. Only eight months to go until I can go home is the only thing keeping me going right now. What’s actually going to happen in eight months’ time though? It’s not exactly going to be happy families after a year apart. False hope right there perhaps.

                    I’ve even been on a few dates. Nothing serious, but just for some company more than anything. All of our friends have either cut off contact with me or keep me at arms’ length.

                    I am am definitely a changed man. I’ll never be the same person that I was before this happened. That woman is my soulmate. We found each other in the weirdest, but most wonderful way. We are supposed to grow old together. I honestly believe that, and I can’t bear to be without her. Nobody has ever made me as happy as she can. From the tiny bit of information that I’ve received, she is deeply upset too; and that makes me sad because it’s essentially all my fault over what is actually such a trivial matter that got blown completely out of proportion.

                    I spent my 40th birthday completely alone, and it was the most soul destroying thing that I’ve ever done. She’d planned an amazing celebration in Barcelona, involving both of our families and a 1 of 1 present. It must have cost her a fortune. How sad. I wonder constantly if she’s alright and safe.

                    It’s affected my daily life too. I’ve fallen out with a bunch of very good friends, who basically asked me to quit our business venture because I’m not functioning properly. That was the only thing I had that was normal to me, and now that’s gone too.

                    You may may think that I need to move on, but until I can make peace with her, I’ll never be able to do that. If there is one time in my entire life that I could rewind time and do something differently, it would be this. I miss that girl so much, and it’s driving me crazy.
                    Kept you waiting, huh?

                    Comment


                      *sigh*

                      **** my life.

                      Comment


                        Explain, Monsieur Kirov. We will attempt to help you with your ishes.

                        Seriouses. A problem shared n' all that.

                        Am I happy? I can only be I and not murder myself. There is no other way. Grind grind grind and level the funk uuup.

                        No other way. That or suicide or auto-erotic asphyxiation. Neither dignified ways. I'm only going out the former way if it involves me being catapult-lobbed over Morecambe Bay with about fifty remote-operated grenades attached to my body and detonated mid-air in good view of the Midland Hotel.

                        Dead or alive, I want that. Lobbed into the sea in Morecambe, detonated, gibbed, my gizzard n' giblets for the fishies, seals, dolphins, dogs.

                        Picture the absolute spectacle.

                        Comment


                          Originally posted by MrKirov View Post
                          *sigh*

                          **** my life.
                          I was browsing Plenty Of Fish and found someone with that caption underneath one of their pics....

                          Comment




                            I mean, it would be an absolute honour, exploding in front of *that*. In the sea.

                            And then a baby seal swims up from the briny depths and gorges itself on my explosion-charred liver.

                            My exploded, rotten remains would be stinking up Morecambe Bay for a coupla weeks. Imagine if some child found my face. It would be alarming but I would've been eaten by seals, fishes or sea-vermin by then and probably wouldn't care.

                            Comment


                              Erm... What?

                              Comment


                                Dating is starting to suck.

                                Been out with three girls this week, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday.

                                Thursday was nice enough but not for me, had a fun enough time though.

                                Saturday- she was amazing, hot, funny, chatty- we sat and spoke for five hours in a pub and didn't get around to anything else- we werent even drinking. Came to the end of the night, walked her back to her car and asked if we were going to see each other again. She said she couldnt possibly answer so soon and has to think about it. She gave me a hug, and text me later in the night. I hadnt heard from her since, which sucks- but thats the way it goes.

                                Sunday - I met a great girl about 1 1/2 weeks ago, quickly moved to whatsapp, phone calls, facetime and ringing for a chat for ages most nights, and texting each other a lot of the day. She drove down to me from Bristol and we decided to go for a sunday lunch at a posh place near me.

                                It was great because there was no tension and it wasnt like a blind date because we knew each other already. Things were going well, and we chatted a lot and had a laugh. She drove me home, and I asked abouu when we would see each other again and got the dreaded message "i dont know if theres a spark"...

                                We chatted a bit, I felt there was, and that I fancied her and we got along. She said the same, that she fancied me and we were great together- but no "spark" ... She text me later saying she was genuinely gutted she felt that way, as she thought it was going to go amazingly and even deleted her Tinder account a few days ago. Weird eh! I dont get it, how can you fancy someone and get along but thats still not enough...!? Maybe she came into it with too high expectations? I dont know. I went in not thinking too much, but did probably think it was going to go well too- and it did, hence the surprise.

                                It sucks a bit, those two events made me feel a little **** and knocked my confidence last night. My anxiety kicked in and made me questions what I said/did, my actions etc. But it is what it is. That's Tinder for you, and I suppose i've got to be more thick skinned- but i'm a heart on my sleeve kinda guy.

                                Then this morning I got another text from the girl on Saturday- so I was up a little but again- haha dating is a minefield!!
                                Last edited by MrKirov; 11-03-2019, 13:16.

                                Comment

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