Are you happy?

[MrKirov]

To be honest, the second you started detailing the discussions about the car repair the alarm bell started to ring. If she's only interested in talking to you about what material elements she can get from you and never about your relationship, and you've started dating (which for many would be its own roadblock in getting back together) then it seems like you're on the road to fresher pastures and as it's having benefits for you you're best off wholesale treating this as a fresh start here onwards.

Thats pretty much how I feel. I didnt know if it was a "good" or "right" way to feel though. So I was looking for help as to whether I was in the wrong or not. It was hard at first not feeling guilty for talking to other women- but thats faded as the days have passed- ive been given nothing to go off from her, so it's altered my mindset a bit.

She thought have thought about cash and stuff before she left. She cant ghost me then want money. All the savings are in my persona account which she has no access too at the end of the day. The thing is, our first house I bought using my redundancy money, and we only started saving monthly when we moved in- that money was then used for buying and selling the new house/ repairs etc. Whatevers left, is pretty much what I had after my redundancy- so I'm not seeing justification for me to give half of that. Especially if the house needs to go/I need to move etc. There will be a lot of costs.

It was her choice to go and not discuss beforehand, and not even give me a chance to say goodbye to Freya - so i'm not going to feel guilty.

[Zaki]

Well done! Also great that there are no kids involved.

[Dogg Thang]

I don’t feel there is a right or wrong. These types of situations are complicated and they are led mostly by feelings and those feelings are what they are. That applies to both sides. Like you and SF, I would hear those very same alarm bells. I feel it would have been more beneficial for her to talk to you about where you’re both at together before ever getting into that type of thing but maybe that’s exactly where she’s at and that sense of separation is where she was always at. Or maybe that’s not what she is thinking at all - we can’t know and maybe you’ll never know. But you can know where you’re at, at least to some degree. And it sounds like something inside of you was telling you to move on rather than cling to what has already passed.

And personally (and it is just a very personal viewpoint and little more), I feel that moving forward is always healthier than moving backwards, even if that’s sometimes really hard. So I don’t feel you have done something wrong but I also don’t think it’s really a right or wrong situation, on either side. It just is what it is.

What I would say is that it’s importantt to recognise that it’s still early days and you still have to focus on yourself and getting you better and stronger, regardless of where that will take you afterwards. Keep looking to that goal. Look after yourself and don’t put yourself under too much pressure to make big moves in any direction.

[MrKirov]

I don’t feel there is a right or wrong. These types of situations are complicated and they are led mostly by feelings and those feelings are what they are. That applies to both sides. Like you and SF, I would hear those very same alarm bells. I feel it would have been more beneficial for her to talk to you about where you’re both at together before ever getting into that type of thing but maybe that’s exactly where she’s at and that sense of separation is where she was always at. Or maybe that’s not what she is thinking at all - we can’t know and maybe you’ll never know. But you can know where you’re at, at least to some degree. And it sounds like something inside of you was telling you to move on rather than cling to what has already passed.

And personally (and it is just a very personal viewpoint and little more), I feel that moving forward is always healthier than moving backwards, even if that’s sometimes really hard. So I don’t feel you have done something wrong but I also don’t think it’s really a right or wrong situation, on either side. It just is what it is.

What I would say is that it’s importantt to recognise that it’s still early days and you still have to focus on yourself and getting you better and stronger, regardless of where that will take you afterwards. Keep looking to that goal. Look after yourself and don’t put yourself under too much pressure to make big moves in any direction.

Thats the idea. Continue with my self improvement, and start reconnecting with friends and stuff, and have some fun chatting or meeting with girls in the meantime. Regardless of what happens, it's about doing right for myself, and getting some attention/confidence back after this is part of that journey I think.

I'm just really proud of myself for doing it yesterday. I was funny, charming and myself- and having fun. I cant remember the last time I felt good in that way. I didnt let anything get me down, I didnt feel guilty, I didnt talk about my ex or any of the things that run through your mind. It made me feel a bit more confident again.

I'm not looking to jump into another relationship or anything like that, just enjoying the attention and possibly spending time with good looking women and having some fun, and seeing where the wind takes me.

Eventually it'll come to a head- we own a house and it has too. I'm sure not giving her money would cause a row, but ultimately, she has to pay at the very least- half the mortgage, and I can afford the rest of the bills, so f**k it!

[Dogg Thang]

Well then that’s a huge step and a really great thing.

[MrKirov]

Sometimes it feels like you’re kidding yourself though, like you’re saying it but you’re not sure if you mean it?

I think that’s the anxiety though, dragging you into negativity- **** off anxiety, the more positive I keep trying to be, the less you’ll return!!

[Cassius_Smoke]

It sounds like you are absolutely moving in the right direction. Keep your confidence high and don't lose faith if you hit a low again, remember these times and how you feel now to help push you on.
Dating again is definitely a good thing, even if you don't actually want anything out of it right now. It just gives you an opportunity to test yourself and your confidence.
Look how far you have come in 3 weeks and think about how you will be in 3 months!

[JazzFunk]

Well done Kirov, you have taken several steps in the right direction and already are enjoying life more, and I'm bloody glad you are!

You've got through the initial shock and awe and realised that what you had with her maybe wasn't that great, after all. And that there are plenty more fish in the sea, now you can have pollock, hake, plaice, seabass instead of the decade-old cod you've been used to.

Next part is the breaky-uppy financey housey stuff. It's never nice, plus can really bring out the vindictiveness and really make you question why you even got together in the first place. It can be...enlightening. That car thing would've probably had me saying G.F.Y. and slamming the phone down.

But once it's all over...it's all over. And you can be a better, stronger you.

Also, no more talk of "precious little cat girls". You are different, now. What you do instead is get a huge, battle-scarred tom from the cat's home and call it "The Bastard".

[MrKirov]

Well done Kirov, you have taken several steps in the right direction and already are enjoying life more, and I'm bloody glad you are!

You've got through the initial shock and awe and realised that what you had with her maybe wasn't that great, after all. And that there are plenty more fish in the sea, now you can have pollock, hake, plaice, seabass instead of the decade-old cod you've been used to.

Next part is the breaky-uppy financey housey stuff. It's never nice, plus can really bring out the vindictiveness and really make you question why you even got together in the first place. It can be...enlightening. That car thing would've probably had me saying G.F.Y. and slamming the phone down.

But once it's all over...it's all over. And you can be a better, stronger you.

Also, no more talk of "precious little cat girls". You are different, now. What you do instead is get a huge, battle-scarred tom from the cat's home and call it "The Bastard".

Ha!!!

Thanks pal, although that's the only thing that stings, is the loss of my cat. I do find it really cruel, and never getting t say goodbye. Although that would have been difficult too.

Alas, I have no control over her actions, and as much as I miss her (the cat mind!) I'm not going to feel guilt for it. I at least don't have to worry about her safety, and that shes cared for. It just sucks, and occasionally that bit gets me where I watch a video or see a picture, and then you start thinking that shes wondering where i've gone and missing me etc.

You're right though, all that stuff is to come, im going to make myself care about the whole thing as little as possible until it does! The matches that are swiping right on me on Tinder though..!!! Oooooh boy!! This girl last night, her pictures were like, a 10- I fully expected her to not look like that, and she totally did- I was a happy boy

[JazzFunk]

Have a ball mate!!!! It's only the mind that holds us back, there are lots of lovely ladies out there who'll treat you better...or at least will inject a bit of fun and excitement into your life experience as a whole.

It's ace, feeling hawt, innit. Good for the confidence, makes one feel at one with life.

Just go with the flow and see what happens but it deffo sounds like you're having loadsa fun and in a much healthier place than three weeks back.

[randombs]

Great news!

Really happy for you, mate

[MrKirov]

Thank you all for listening to me so much- I put down these long essays, but you read them and comment, and I genuinely feel like you all want to help- it’s nice having that support.

Love you guys

[charlesr]

Sitting here trying not to cry again. A couple of unexpected things kicked me whilst I'm down. Hanging on in there just. Kids are coming round later which I was looking forward to, but not going to be much fun if I'm like this.

[charlesr]

Taken some propanalol, although far too late really. Just got to remember I normally feel better the day after this sort of slip

[Dogg Thang]

I have no idea what propanalol is but I think any medicine with lol in it has to help. What’s been going on, Charles? Really hope your day gets better. The thing about kids is that, even when we’re feeling really bad, they kind of force us to get through it for them. So hopefully having them round will help.