Are you happy?

[Zaki]

but I can at least admit I'm a bit jealous of all the attention you've been getting!

And that's saying something. I've met Dave, he's a handsome dude!

[QualityChimp]

And that's saying something. I've met Dave, he's a handsome dude!

I'd like to argue, but, well, he's right.

[MrKirov]

Oh mate, if I'm honest, I don't think you're being particularly fair, Kirov.

You don't really know what you're looking for, so why should she?

Maybe PJs and cuddles is what she's after, maybe she'd like a bit of excitement.
Maybe she wants a long-term partner, maybe she wants to let off a bit of steam.

You shouldn't blame your anxiety on this, this is dating!
(I hope you're still following the doctor's prescription, by the way)

Sometimes it's chemistry when it doesn't make sense, sometimes there's nothing and on paper it should be fireworks.

Why have you started dating again, anyway?
You hadn't properly broken up at the start, so is it for a new girlfriend, a bit of fun, an ego boost?

I had my 11th wedding anniversary at the weekend, and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I can at least admit I'm a bit jealous of all the attention you've been getting!

But thats the point, we had this discussion about what we wanted weeks ago, that she wanted company and friendship, and just to see what happens. She said specifically she wasnt a sleep with you on the first date kinda girl- and thats all fine. I know thats pretty much what im after too, just to meet people and see what happens- if I get along with them, then im happy to continue to do so and again- just see what happens over time.

Thats what this has taken me back a bit, and I know how shes feeling to a degree, because we spoke about it on Saturday, and because I'm in a similar position.

I dunno though. Could have all been bollocks, I only actually met her once. I think im just too honest and naive for all this lark. I wear my heart on my sleeve and leave myself open to this kind of pain. But I equally need to do that to experience it and to learn to toughen up I guess. I'll see if I hear anything back, and maybe at least get an explanation.

Either way, positives- I had a great night, I got to spend the night kissing and sleeping with a gorgeous girl. I for one, enjoyed that level of companionship so at least maybe it does help me recognise what I want in future.

Ive got another date on Wednesday with a 26 year old, and another at some point in the week with another girl. Im also talking to a hot gamer girl cosplayer, so a date could be on the cards there soon.

Onwards and upwards I guess- but its hard not to feel really down on myself right now. These mood swings from cloud 9 to the depths of my soul and back again really arent helping my anxiety.

Im not blaming my anxiety also by the way, to be clear, im struggling to interpret when I get bad feelings or whatever- whether its my inner saboteur, or whether its actually legitimate feelings that I should listen too. In this case I thought- "nah, it went great, its just my anxiety thats making me feel like somethings about to go wrong" - and the time I do that, is when it goes Pete Tong. So im finding it really hard.

[MrKirov]

I'm turned into over analyse everything mode now. Cant quite match up her behaviour then to the reaction now. Her body language, things she said, her linking her arm with mine while out walking, her cwtching, grabbing the blanket and kissing me, her kissing me in the car, the things she said about meeting again and how we were on the same wavelength etc. None of it makes sense to me. Perhaps im just too much of a logical thinker for all of this.

I guess at least now that i've had another experience of "comfortable, at home life" it's made me realise what i'm looking for a bit more. I think I want that back. I've sowed my wild oats and been out with a lot of women and experienced different things. I want that settled feeling back I think.

I'm literally shaking from anxiety right now. I'm a bit upset as I thought I finally understood this "spark" stuff after Saturday, and didn't expect everything to come crashing down around me. This is why my anxiety exists. To foresee and plan for things like this so it doesn't take my by surprise. This is why my guard is up, this is why my negative self exists- to shield me from this stuff. The minute I let it drop to get better" I get hurt- i'm starting to think my anxiety isn't an enemy after this. Maybe my planning ahead and thinking about everything in advance exists for a reason, and I shouldn't fight it after all.

[JazzFunk]

Mate, give Valerian from H&B a blast, the capsules. Good for mopping up a bit of anx. Only prob is that they smell like cheesy dead person feet. But they're decent.

[dvdx2]

I'm turned into over analyse everything mode now. Cant quite match up her behaviour then to the reaction now. Her body language, things she said, her linking her arm with mine while out walking, her cwtching, grabbing the blanket and kissing me, her kissing me in the car, the things she said about meeting again and how we were on the same wavelength etc. None of it makes sense to me. Perhaps im just too much of a logical thinker for all of this.

I guess at least now that i've had another experience of "comfortable, at home life" it's made me realise what i'm looking for a bit more. I think I want that back. I've sowed my wild oats and been out with a lot of women and experienced different things. I want that settled feeling back I think.

I'm literally shaking from anxiety right now. I'm a bit upset as I thought I finally understood this "spark" stuff after Saturday, and didn't expect everything to come crashing down around me. This is why my anxiety exists. To foresee and plan for things like this so it doesn't take my by surprise. This is why my guard is up, this is why my negative self exists- to shield me from this stuff. The minute I let it drop to get better" I get hurt- i'm starting to think my anxiety isn't an enemy after this. Maybe my planning ahead and thinking about everything in advance exists for a reason, and I shouldn't fight it after all.

Maybe try and get yourself in a better place mate, before using online dating?

It’s stressful enough even when you are in good mental health.

[speedlolita]

That's what I was trying to put into words.

[MrKirov]

And the reason she’s telling me is exactly that.

She’s not in a good mental place and hasn’t gotten over her old life yet, and the taster of it made her question whether she’s ready for dating. Just had a long conversation over text about it all, then she says she doesn’t see anything romantic coming from it..? That’s a little hard to take after the kissing and cwtching that she instigated... so yeah. I’m starting to think this isn’t me after all.

**** my life once again.

[MrKirov]

Although speaking to her was a bit like talking to myself. All she was saying is that she wanted to get her animals back, and that she need to be alone until she doesn’t still get the urge to go over, take her cat and punch him in the dick (her words).

Everything she said to me resonated a lot. We agreed to keep in contact as it was a good outlet for us both as we are both going through the same thing- but then she said she couldn’t see anything romantic coming from it - which is a bit rich- but I suppose we all do things when we are hurt or alone or whatever.

After that, I took 10 minutes and replied saying it’s for the best if we don’t. I found her attractive in looks and personality, but if that’s how she feels then I’m not prepared to leave myself open to the kind of hurt and anxiety that chasing that whale will give.

I feel like there’s something inherently wrong with me now. Like I’m damaged goods. She feels that way about herself, and reading it makes me feel the same way in retrospect. I guess I’m not so over things and happy after all- and using dating as a cover, to make others think I’m fine, to convince myself that I’m fine, maybe that’s all part of the same problem.

Trying to convince myself the single life is making me happy, and that the attention I’m getting is boosting my egos I think in the short term that’s what it’s done- but the negative effects and rejection - that’s starting to take its toll now.

I’m at a loss. I need to learn to be happy alone. I need more concrete closure over what’s happening with my ex. I need to be comfortable in my life and love myself before I can love anyone else. Right now I’m damaged goods and I need to fix myself.

What a weird day. Random date teaches me life lesson.

[MrKirov]

I text my ex earlier. Saying it’s been long enough for us both to have perspective, and that we need to meet somewhere neutral and sort the next steps. I don’t care that it’s over, but I need closure so I can move on.

She read it at 8pm and hasn’t replied. Typical. I’ll give her until tomorrow then I’ll force the issue. This needs to end now.

[MrKirov]

Evidently, Saturday girl is mental.

Spends an hour giving me a sob story about how she “isn’t ready for dating” and and “needs to take time for herself” and all this ****.

I believed it, was nice about it, thought fair play- we are in a similar situation, and actually learn from it myself.

Then she forgets I’m still matched on Tinder- and can see that 6 hours ago she changed her picture, added more detail to her profile, and added an anthem music track.

What a ****ing loon. I mean, just tell me you didn’t wanna meet again for the truthful reason, don’t spend an hour concocting a lie to make yourself feel better about not seeing someone again. What a crazy bitch.

Oh yeah, I also came across her on Bumble earlier too.

**** this dating **** man. People are ****ing mental.

[MrKirov]

Yeah, I’m done. I can’t keep subjecting myself to this crap. I’m meeting two last girls this week that I’ve already arranged, then I’m done with it all. **** dating. **** online dating.

[JazzFunk]

Jesus. Talk about self-indulgent.

I know guys who ain't ever even kissed a woman. You're spitting in they chops
.

Get a bloody grip on yourself.

[JazzFunk]

Yeah. Yeaaaaaah.

MrKirov is doing finely.

It's Duncan Whitley, Lee Prescott. Darren 'Daz' Smith we need to care about. Lee Johnson. Graham 'The Legend' Lannigan.

[JazzFunk]

They all need kisses.

I do too.

Kiss me.