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Little Things That Make You Smile 6: Nowhere To Go But Up

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    Ryokan sounds like a wanker.

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      Diogenes was a wanker. You may be familiar with the name - he was a brilliant ancient Greek philosopher who, being homeless, would masturbate publicly and when criticised for it would reply "If only it were as easy to banish hunger by rubbing my belly." I'm reading a book about him at the moment, he's a genius. In another tale he is begging for food and a man says "I will give you food but only if you can convince me" to which Diogenes replies "If I could convince you of anything, I would convince you to hang yourself". What acidic wit.

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        Watching Detective Pikachu with the bloke

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          Playing Way of the Warrior.

          So so so 90s.

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            Happy Turn off the Television Day everyone!

            How shall we celebrate this special day? Why with Roald Dahl of course! I feel particularly accommodating today, so for all you lovers of the written word:


            The most important thing we’ve learned,
            So far as children are concerned,
            Is never, NEVER, NEVER let
            Them near your television set —
            Or better still, just don’t install
            The idiotic thing at all.

            In almost every house we’ve been,
            We’ve watched them gaping at the screen.
            They loll and slop and lounge about,
            And stare until their eyes pop out.
            (Last week in someone’s place we saw
            A dozen eyeballs on the floor.)

            They sit and stare and stare and sit
            Until they’re hypnotised by it,
            Until they’re absolutely drunk
            With all that shocking ghastly junk.

            Oh yes, we know it keeps them still,
            They don’t climb out the window sill,
            They never fight or kick or punch,
            They leave you free to cook the lunch
            And wash the dishes in the sink –

            But did you ever stop to think,
            To wonder just exactly what
            This does to your beloved tot?
            IT ROTS THE SENSE IN THE HEAD!
            IT KILLS IMAGINATION DEAD!

            IT CLOGS AND CLUTTERS UP THE MIND!
            IT MAKES A CHILD SO DULL AND BLIND
            HE CAN NO LONGER UNDERSTAND
            A FANTASY, A FAIRYLAND!

            HIS BRAIN BECOMES AS SOFT AS CHEESE!
            HIS POWERS OF THINKING RUST AND FREEZE!
            HE CANNOT THINK — HE ONLY SEES!

            ‘All right!’ you’ll cry. ‘All right!’ you’ll say,
            ‘But if we take the set away,
            What shall we do to entertain
            Our darling children? Please explain!’

            We’ll answer this by asking you,
            ‘What used the darling ones to do?
            ‘How used they keep themselves contented
            Before this monster was invented?’
            Have you forgotten? Don’t you know?

            We’ll say it very loud and slow:
            THEY … USED … TO … READ! They’d READ and READ,
            AND READ and READ, and then proceed
            To READ some more. Great Scott! Gadzooks!
            One half their lives was reading books!

            The nursery shelves held books galore!
            Books cluttered up the nursery floor!
            And in the bedroom, by the bed,
            More books were waiting to be read!

            Such wondrous, fine, fantastic tales
            Of dragons, gypsies, queens, and whales
            And treasure isles, and distant shores
            Where smugglers rowed with muffled oars,
            And pirates wearing purple pants,
            And sailing ships and elephants,
            And cannibals crouching ’round the pot,
            Stirring away at something hot.
            (It smells so good, what can it be?
            Good gracious, it’s Penelope.)

            The younger ones had Beatrix Potter
            With Mr. Tod, the dirty rotter,
            And Squirrel Nutkin, Pigling Bland,
            And Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle and-
            Just How The Camel Got His Hump,
            And How the Monkey Lost His Rump,
            And Mr. Toad, and bless my soul,
            There’s Mr. Rat and Mr. Mole-
            Oh, books, what books they used to know,
            Those children living long ago!

            So please, oh please, we beg, we pray,
            Go throw your TV set away,
            And in its place you can install
            A lovely bookshelf on the wall.

            Then fill the shelves with lots of books,
            Ignoring all the dirty looks,
            The screams and yells, the bites and kicks,
            And children hitting you with sticks-

            Fear not, because we promise you
            That, in about a week or two
            Of having nothing else to do,
            They’ll now begin to feel the need
            Of having something to read.

            And once they start — oh boy, oh boy!
            You watch the slowly growing joy
            That fills their hearts. They’ll grow so keen
            They’ll wonder what they’d ever seen
            In that ridiculous machine,
            That nauseating, foul, unclean,
            Repulsive television screen!

            And later, each and every kid
            Will love you more for what you did.


            - Roald Dahl




            And for the illiterate and dyslexic among us:

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              Still pissed the chippy I used to go to closed and they're putting in some Roald Dahl memorial nonsense.

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                I had an ice cream cone with monkeys blood on.

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                  I'm sans forum for a couple of days as my phone exploded and when I come back I'm greeted by posts of ****ting in vodka bottles and spit roasting dolphins.

                  Incredible.

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                    Nobody noticed, fammYdodD.

                    Did your phone explode after one of your violent watersports games?
                    Last edited by prinnysquad; 25-05-2019, 13:40.

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                      What portable telephone you got now fammydodd?

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                        Day off, lounging, window open listening to heavy rain pissing down splashily. Super lovely, all those different water fx going on at once, the shhhhhhm of the cars driving over drenched road, the patter of raindrops hitting the rose leaves in the garden, the drum as rain hits tarpaulin etc. Very nice.

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                            4:3 Youtube player is back!

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                              Originally posted by Zen Monkey View Post
                              Happy Turn off the Television Day everyone!

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                                Nipped to the shops last night with SFJr2 for some bits and was headed back home after the last shop. I'm in the car park and I'm loading her into her car seat and as I stand and turn there's a woman stood behind me. She was holding a large rainbow unicorn stuffed toy, the ones that cost about a tenner, and asked me if she could give it to my daughter. I was proper puzzled and she said that SFJr2 had been smiling at her and her family and had been looking at the toy as they were carrying it and she looked so happy at seeing it that the woman wanted to give it to her as a gift.

                                Literally can't remember the last time a stranger was that nice

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