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The Relationship Thread II: Lost in that Last Goodbye

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    Stop feeling sorry for yourself and book a random flight somewhere and do some back packing. Have some fun.

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      [MENTION=3332]MrKirov[/MENTION]

      I can't tell you how you are feeling or how to make it better. What i do know is, I have struggled with depression my whole life. There have been some really dark times I've had difficulty coming out from, but when I look back the one thing that helps me is that situations rarely last forever. Life changes and things happen and before you know it a year has past and things are different. Doesn't mean it's necessarily all roses and unicorns, but certainly what is getting you down now will have changed.

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        Nothing wrong with feeling ****ty and "just getting through the day". I think sometimes we don't point out to people that not taking any action is taking action.

        You have 10 days off to spend working out and playing with your cat. Put the TV on if you feel alone even if you don't watch anything.

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          Talking about bloody cats again, ffs!!!

          Originally posted by kryss View Post
          I think sometimes we don't point out to people that not taking any action is taking action.
          I like that. Very deeeeep. Me to a tee, as well. Just don't do it too much. Solitude, tbh, can be a very cool thing. But sometimes you need a shag and it feels like you got dust on yo knob.

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            Originally posted by kryss View Post
            You have 10 days off to spend working out and playing with your cat. Put the TV on if you feel alone even if you don't watch anything.
            How to be alone forever, by Kryss 😁

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              Focus on the things you can change and shove all the other stuff to one side.

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                Occasionally, but not in all cases, sometimes the only thing you end up changing (or need to change) is how you look at the situation.

                I'm spouting so much BS I expect to be quoted by ZenMonkey soon.

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                  Originally posted by MrKirov View Post
                  You'll be glad to know ive spent the past month or so mostly alone with my thoughts. Apart from one or two dates/hookups, ive been off all the apps and just been focusing on myself. Trying to get back to training full time, but instead im doing it when I can. Been trying to be kind to myself, buying decent food, cooking again, trying to make things more normal and be better to myself.
                  I'm glad you've stopped wrecking yourself and holding fire.

                  Although hooking up is a great feeling, it's really hollow and considering the trauma you've just been through, it's damaging. I feel you need to actually stop dulling the pain and actually grieve for the break up of your realtionship and that pain is healthy. Allow to feel a bit **** but then start to work on you and work out why the relationship failed and build yourself back up.

                  Getting your nib wet doesn't actually solve any issues and I'm glad you've started to work that out before it was too late by getting a girl pregnant or just falling deeper down.

                  Best of luck mate, many virtual hugs.

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                    Right folks, advice needed!

                    I ended up with a match on Tinder, it happens, but usually im not bothered- I look at the person and think "I cant be arsed". I'm deep in a period of keeping myself to myself, just focusing on myself. I looked at this one and actually was interested, and pinged a message. We spoke that night, and she asked if we could speak again- I pinged her my number for whatsapp.

                    We started speaking a fair bit, and I was looking to arrange a date- this was a Wednesday at about ...11pm. It turns out she was actually goign on holiday for a week with her brother and friends on the Saturday. She wanted us to see each other before she left so we went out the next day.

                    We had plans to have a drink and then go bowling or something, but we ended up chatting in a restaurant for about 4 hours until they booted us out. We went from here for a walk, and then to another pub (she doesnt drink btw). We were out until about 1am, kissed, and arranged to meet when she returned. She was very upfront in saying she wasnt sure what her wifi would be like and how easy it might be to talk while she was away. It was a great date- and she seemed to agree.

                    The next morning, she text me to say she had a great night, and was having a great day already thinking of the night before. I shared the sentiment and we continued talking. I mentioned possibly fitting in another date that night as she was travelling tomorrow- she said she was thinking the same thing, but she woudlnt be able to find the time as her mum was making her a goodbye dinner with family.

                    She text me before she left on the saturday night, and again on the morning at 3am before she was flying. I left it there as she was away. Honestly, I thought nothing might come from it as a week away is a long time. On the Wednesday out of the blue, I got a text from her with an update on what she had done and stuff, we chatted shortly and she asked me "even though its a million years away" if I was free on the Thursday after she gets back. We text again shortly a couple of days later.

                    I then heard from her on Sunday when she got back, she text me to say she was back and generally still talking lots. Weve continued to do so all week pretty much.

                    She text me Monday night suggesting we should go bowling on Thursday "as we never managed too before, we were too busy bowling each other over". Corny, but sweet. I agreed. We agree to go to the bay for bowlign and maybe some food. She even said at that point if we could do one or the other as she was skint after her holiday.

                    Last night - the day before the next date- we were speaking and I asked if we were still on for today, she said yes and that she was looking forward to it. I offered to pick her up, she accepted and that i'd ping her today to arrange the details.

                    I text her about 3pm ish to ask where she wants me to pick her up from, and she says shes been in bed all day trying to get rid of a migraine, and that shes annoyed shes having to cancel as she was "genuinely looking forward to tonight, and hope I dont think im trying to dick you around and that I hope we can re-arrange?"

                    I replied saying no worries, hope she gets better etc etc and said rearranging is fine, and that Friday Saturday or Sunday is coming up. She replied with "Thanks, thats so nice. Glad youre still up for it..ill pop some more pills and give you a message tomorrow when this will hopefully done one!"

                    Now the question is, im not really sure what to think! On the one hand, I generally dont have time for people who cancel. But shes the one up to now thats been no BS, texting me first. and while on holiday, and arranging the date in the first place. So im a bit confused.

                    We did discuss about her suffering from migraines when we were out- as we both do- so its not a random excuse, but who knows if its an excuse or not. She mentioned she skipped gym class last night as she was so tired (shes a HIIT and Zumba instructor) but Ive seen through whatsapp when re-reading the messages for this post, that shes been on whatsapp about 30 mins after we last talked. She went to the effort of saying to do one thing or the other because of money, and I cant see someone doing that if they wouldnt be going....so I dont know what to think tbh.

                    Its two weeks to the day that we first met, and weve been keeping in regular- and good- contact ever since (by good I dont mean idle chit chat) and on the whole, she's done a lot of the chasing.So Im not sure whether to take that as a brush off, or genuine bad luck.

                    Whats your guys take?
                    Last edited by MrKirov; 19-09-2019, 15:32.

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                      Edit: Never mind, I'd only give you ****e advice anyway.
                      Last edited by Colin; 19-09-2019, 15:37.

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                        34. With a lack of dating experience for ten years and a problem with anxiety.

                        It might sound stupid, but I find it difficult to parse these questions in my head, and my anxiety can blow some things out of proportion- ive learnt to deal with anxiety for most things fine- but dating, and in turn other peoples actions not being controllable or readable- still causes me the most trouble. Writing this stuff down down, and getting advice helps me to navigate through some of these things.

                        I'm not stupid. we've been on one date, but the after stuff has been more promising and "real" than the 40 odd dates i've been on since I became single.. But i'm just trying to control my anxiety here, and try to get some advice on whether its a no go, and to turn myself off to it now or not.
                        Last edited by MrKirov; 19-09-2019, 15:43.

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                          Sounds like she might be ill dude! You are obviously jaded...just go with it.

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                            Originally posted by cutmymilk View Post
                            Sounds like she might be ill dude! You are obviously jaded...just go with it.
                            I am totally jaded. Utterly.

                            Thats why I needed advice on whether any of that sounded legitimate or not

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                              Don't think too much in to it. It's hard if you've been mucked about in the past I know. Carry on chatting and arrange the date again. Its early so you can't really lose anything at this point. Just be cool.

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                                Stop overthinking FFS

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