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The joke thread 2014 edition

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    The joke thread 2014 edition

    Post a joke to make me laugh, a bit of light humour never goes amiss in the serious world of gaming.

    Best to spoiler any a bit risque for those of us at work.

    I'll get things started. Then get me coat.

    My mate bought a Man United lamp at the weekend, he thought it would look nice in the middle of the table
    Last edited by VR46; 24-02-2014, 20:52. Reason: can't spell

    #2
    V. good.

    I can't stand Russian Dolls. They're so full of themselves.

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      #3
      One I read at work the other day:

      A woman in the supermarket took her items to the cashier. He looked at what she was buying. There was celery, soup, some pasta sauce, and a carton of milk.
      He looked up at the customer.
      "You're single, aren't you?" he asked.
      The woman was more than a little surprised at this comment.
      "Yes, but how did you know?" She asked back.
      The cashier replied, "You're ugly."

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        #4
        The old ones are the best, like

        Where do fish keep their money? in riverbanks

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          #5
          What is Sagat's favourite crustacean? TIGER Prawn.

          What is Sagat's favourite bread? TIGER bread

          What is Sagat's favourite balm? TIGER Balm

          etc.
          Last edited by k0pp0; 25-02-2014, 10:00.

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            #6
            That Russian dolls one is great and I'm totally stealing it.

            "One-armed waiters: They can dish it out, but they can't take it".

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              #7
              A couple from an email received this morning. Removed the dodgy ones - sadly they were the best of the bunch.

              Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the
              Kent Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another
              man of the same calibre."

              -----------------------------------------------------------

              Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
              A: The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.

              -----------------------------------------------------------

              Remember the 7 qualities for the perfect girlfriend...
              Beautiful, Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent,
              Trustworthy, Sensible.
              Or in other words........... B.I.G.T.I.T.S.

              -----------------------------------------------------------

              Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in.
              Only used it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick.
              It's great though. It does everything -
              KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot.."

              -----------------------------------------------------------

              Prince William says he doesn't want the traditional fruit cake at his wedding.
              Prince Phillip says he doesn't give a toss, he's still going.

              -----------------------------------------------------------

              Some bastard's just pinched a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing line.
              She's not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 clothes pegs back.

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                #8
                Loving the gym one

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                  #9
                  PM me the dodgy ones Dave ;-)

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                    #10
                    Got arrested for meeting my friend at the airport today. Apparently security doesn't like it when you shout "Hi, Jack!"
                    Made me smile at least.

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                      #11
                      Keep em coming. All good so far.

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                        #12
                        I walked inside a German sausage factory and expected the wurst.

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                          #13
                          conjunctivitis.com thats a site for sore eyes

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                            #14
                            What do you do when your nose goes on strike? Picket...

                            112

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                              #15
                              Bear walks into a bar. Goes to the bartender. "I'll have a... ...gin and tonic please". Bartender asks, "why the big pause?"

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