The Banter Thread / Banter Topic / Sean Bean

[Jushin-Thunder-Liger]

My days here are sadly numbered. As of Wednesday, the IT manager plans to use new web filtering which blocks lots of sites, this one included.

Nice knowing you all, I guess.

You dont work for the same company as me, do you?

I am an IT Manager and i'm blocking internet access for sub management staff this week. I avoided doing it until now, but in the last few weeks 1 director downloaded 23GB's of mp3's from some russian site, buggering up the backup and another was spamming a message board resulting in a legal threat from a security forum.

So what did the board decide to do?

Take internet access away from all members of staff below management level

THAT make sense!!

[Spatial]

My days here are sadly numbered. As of Wednesday, the IT manager plans to use new web filtering which blocks lots of sites, this one included.

Same here. The corporate IT ****wits where I work have decided I was spending too much time on here and blocked the site a while back (wouldn't mind but other people can carry on doing their banking, shopping and bidding on Ebay stuff with total impunity).

I've been trying to get them to reinstate access but they're having none of it so far. Doesn't stop me F5'ing this site like crazy during my lunch hour and crashing IE three or four times a day. Put that on your internet access log that you big set of bastards

At least I can still visit when at home but its made work about as much fun as being repeatedly kicked in the balls with a pair of winkle picker shoes

If you don't have internet access at home Ady, looks like you're going to have to buy a computer and sort it out. You know you'd miss us otherwise

[Ish]

They've always done this in my current company. At least since I joined it which must be nearly 4 years ago now.

What makes me laugh is that half the time I can't access technical sites I need to read for my job (and have to put in a request for) yet some idiot on the sales team got access to a load of beastiality sites. It took them 2 months to notice before he was fired.

Real effective site blocking that....

I don't usually mind too much as I'm too busy. But there was a 2 month long lull recently during which my team had absolutely nothing to do. Not a thing. I was right on the point of proxying this site through my own just to alleviate the boredom.

[Spatial]

Same here. The Surfcontrol system still lets people still have access to XXX filth and loads of other things they shouldn't (the email system is even less picky about what it stops) but anything to do with videogames is a no-no.

Saying that they've also blocked several sites needed for work purposes and then give people the Spanish Inquisition when they want them unblocked.

No word of a lie, this was the converation I had with one corporate I.T. help desker the other day.

Monkey : "BT Directories? What do you want to use that for then?"

Me: "Well, to look up client phone numbers and call them. You know, as required by my job description. And everyone elses job description too"

Monkey : "Hmmm. I'll have to clear it with the head of I.T."

Me: "Hang on a minute, only the other day you lot were telling to use the BT's internet search rather than phone directory enquiries to save money. Now you're telling me you'll have to make sure it's OK?"

Monkey: "Hmmmm. I'll have to put it on a request to the head of I.T. for him to clear it. It should be done in a minimum of 7-14 days"

Me: "AAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

Our divisional I.T. staff are top blokes, helpful and a good laugh. It's just the corporate I.T. ones are the spawn of Satan

[Ady]

If you don't have internet access at home Ady, looks like you're going to have to buy a computer and sort it out. You know you'd miss us otherwise

Heh. There's a way round everything, mate. That's what I always say.

As such, I've found a way round this little problem. I shall now access this forum using our on-site suite of PCs that don't go through the college servers.

Yeah!! **** da man etc etc...!

[VR46]

both Tim Henman's (32) & Greg Rusedki's (31) birthdays today, what a coincidence eh

[spagmasterswift]

Little Timmy Henman's 32??? I thought he was like 12 or something. Awww bless.

Not much time left to win something then

[JU!]

Alrite day today, minor mishaps aside. Stayed at my dad's to wait for some work men then burnt myself on the cooker twice, leaving scares for lifeJust found out i got my job back at HMV today whopee can finally earn some cashAfter being skint from travelling.

[Kieran76]

Such a hard day at work, kids back in. Have to be a bastard for the first few weeks, one kid complained about feeling sick, I thought he was having a laugh, but about twenty mins later he ran out of the class and threw up in the corridor. Also, about twenty minutes before they arrived I was stood on a table sorting out my smartboard projector when I jumoed onto the floor and rippedthe crotch of my trousers! Luckily I was wearing black boxers as well. However I had to wait until dinner before I was able to track down some needle and thread. I ended up sewing my trousers up in the toilets.

I was at home about 10 mins before I took our lass down to the pub.

[t-dog]

most pointless movie since bill & tedds excellent adventure : Ghost World, with scarlett Johansson and Thora Birch. dl'ed, watched, deleted, hammering my head on the wall for wasting 2 hours. Don't make the same mistake as me.

[Crisp_Rapper]

ghost world? mate, there's worse to watch than that... just a little tale about oddness and how friends can grow apart.

[Big Seany]

Armstrong Searched

The Associated Press Friday, August 5, 2005; 11:00 PM PARIS, France -- Lance Armstrong's record setting seventh Tour de France victory, along with his entire Tour de France legacy, may be tarnished by what could turn out to be one of the greatest sports scandals of all time. Armstrong is being quizzed by French police after three banned substances were found in his South of France hotel room, while on vacation after winning the 2005 Tour de France.
The three substances found were toothpaste, deodorant, and soap which have been banned by French authorities for over 75 years.
Armstrong's girlfriend, American rocker Sheryl Crowe, is quoted as saying "We use them every day in America, so we naturally thought they'd be ok throughout Europe."
Along with these three banned substances, French authorities also physically searched Armstrong and found several other interesting items that they had never seen before, including a backbone and a testicle.

[Kieran76]

I read through the first half of that thinking it was serious. Quality stuff.

[marcus]

Married 10 times:

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin".

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?

Well, husband 1 was an Architect; he kept on telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband 2 was a Computer Manager; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband 3 was a Services Consultant; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband 4 was a Project Manager; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband 5 was a Structural Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband 6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

Husband 9 was a Gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was .....God I miss him!

But now that I've married you, "I'm so excited!"

"Good" said the husband, "but, why?"

"You're an Estate Agent. This time I KNOW I'm gonna get f*cked!"

[marcus]

After having their 11th child, a Scouse couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive.

A less costly alternative was to go home, get a big firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Scouser said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me".

"Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Birmingham, parts of Essex, inner London, Newcastle and anywhere in Wales.