The Banter Thread / Banter Topic / Sean Bean

[Alastair]

Look what I've got sitting at home:

http://aka.fotovista.com/dev/7/3/14030137/l_14030137.jpg

Details here

took it in as a delivery cos the neighbours were out yesterday afternoon and thought they'd come round all happy they didn't have to wait for a re-delivery or go collect it themselves.

No sign of them since however and not there this morning nor is their car. Wouldn't mind really but the box is bloody huge and the temptation to rip it open and hook it up is getting to me!! If they've gone on holiday for a week or two I doubt I'll be able to resist.

[Zanza]

It could be like the advert on tv. Some dude gets his neighbours plasma delivered to his address, when they come to pick it up and he's all - what plasma, where is it. Do it!

[Alastair]

Yeah, except Amtrax have my name and address! They did deliver something to me the day before though so I could say the driver must have kept my details and nicked it himself!!!

i reckon I'll just give it to them when they come and ask for it though, may have to open it and 'test' it so they know it's working well and they don't need to return it though

[spagmasterswift]

Arrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhh!!!! I'm sooooooooooooooooooo bored.

[Alastair]

I hear from home they've been to collect the LCD

My dreams are shattered.

[SwooseGoose]

Arrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhh!!!! I'm sooooooooooooooooooo bored.

I can relate to that - ah well only an hour to go till I finish work.

[spagmasterswift]

I got no boss today, no motivation to work and its beautiful outside. I think I need a job change...

[Alastair]

I think you need to leave early, can't you do that?

That's one of the good things about my job, flexitime (that I never seem to be asked to make up).

[VR46]

I got no boss today, no motivation to work and its beautiful outside. I think I need a job change...

just go and play your DS in the toilet mate.

[spagmasterswift]

You know what I said about how I play DS on the tube, people round here think I'm weird as it is let alone some poor guy being in the next cubical while I'm having a Nanostray fit...

[MartyG]

Count the black dots on this, that'll keep you busy.

[spagmasterswift]

Thats trippy.

It may well be time to look at some trailers over on apple...oh the routine of it all

[Crisp_Rapper]

I hear from home they've been to collect the LCD

My dreams are shattered.

i wouldn't worry about it too much matey, from what i've seen so far the panasonic lcds aren't all that hot...

[marcus]

Some Viz top tips -

>>DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite
>>tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of
>>another song you like and hum that instead.
>>
>>CINEMA goers: Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by
>>having a p1ss before the film starts.
>>
>>RAPPERS: Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by
>>actually speaking clearly in the first place.
>>
>>DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your
>>identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along
>>with your old bank statements.
>>
>>WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking
>>red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to
>>remove the stains.
>>
>>SOLDIERS: Invest in a digital camera to avoid all that court martial
>>tomfoolery after a trip to Truprint.
>>
>>MURDERERS: Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it
>>to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.
>>
>>BURGLARS: When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm
>>sticking out at 90?, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one
>>of their dogs on you.
>>
>>EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half
>>the CVs into the bin.
>>
>>MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to
>>the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will
>>save your wife from having to do it.
>>
>>GAMBLERS: For a new gambling opportunity, try sending ?50 to yourself
>>by Royal Mail.
>>
>>BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a
>>very small horse is approaching.
>>
>>BLIND PEOPLE: Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by
>>not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.
>>
>>ALCOHOL: makes an ideal substitute for happiness.
>>
>>DRIVERS: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your
>>horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start
>>and send them on their way.
>>
>>PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving
>>everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the
>>morning, simply move it all back again.
>>
>>CAR thieves: Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the
>>valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.
>>
>>DEPRESSED people: Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for
>>help',simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.
>>
>>MOTORISTS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst
>>driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police
>>will think you are listening to the sea.
>>
>>JEREMY Beadle: When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in
>>your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of laser
>>disks.
>>
>>SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.
>>
>>SINGLE men: Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing
>>outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and
>>occasionally glancing inside.
>>
>>BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the
>>egg into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60
>>mph. After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out
>>the pan.
>>
>>ALCOHOLICS: don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to
>>the pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices.
>>
>>McDONALD'S: Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they
>>blend in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car
>>windows.
>>
>>WOMEN: Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't give a
>>sh1t anyway and you could use the saved energy to hoover the house
>>afterwards.

[spagmasterswift]

Some Viz top tips -


>>JEREMY Beadle: When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in
>>your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of laser
>>disks.

Did you know Jeremy Beadle has a small cock? On the other hand he has a big cock.

I'm rubbish at telling jokes...