one of my favourites is:
a bottle cork in a bath makes an ideal raft for spiders or an aircraft carrier for flies
a bottle cork in a bath makes an ideal raft for spiders or an aircraft carrier for flies
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lol
gotta love Viz, Ive not read it for years but these reminders make me wana go and buy a copyComment
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two nuggets of info courtesy of Walkers Crisps;
Did you know: Elvis entered a Elvis Presley look-alike competition in a Burger bar in America, and came third.
Did you know: The only person without a beard in ZZTOP has the surname Beard.Comment
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A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his roundtrip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.
The cabbie said (adopt appropriate accent), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch hike to the airport and barely caught his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.
Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.
The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport?" he asked.
"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.
"And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?"
"What?! Get the hell out of my cab."
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "Okay," and off they went.
Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.Comment
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Christ. I'm so ****ed it hurts.Comment
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> A Lovely Little Tale...
>
>This is a quick story about the bond formed
>between a little girl and a
>group of building workers. It's allegedly
>true and makes you want to believe
>in the goodness of people and that there is
> hope for the human race.
>
>A young family moved into a house next door
>to a vacant building plot..
>
>One day a gang of building workers turned up
>to start building a house on
>the empty plot. The young family's
>5-year-old daughter naturally took an
>interest in all the activity going on next
>door and started talking with the
>workers. She hung around and eventually the
>builders, all with
>hearts of gold, more or less adopted the
>little girl as a sort of project
>mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit
>with them while they had tea and
> lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do
>here and there to make her feel
>important.
> They even gave her very own hard hat and
> gloves.
>At the end of the first week they presented
>her with a pay envelope
> containing two pounds in 10p coins. The
>little girl took her 'pay' home to
>her mother who suggested that they take the
>money she had received to the
>bank the next day to start a savings
>account.
>
>When they got to the bank the cashier was
>tickled pink listening to the
>little girl telling her about her 'work' on
>the building site and the fact
>she had a 'pay packet'.
>
>"You must have worked very hard to earn all
>this" said the bank cashier.
>The little girl proudly replied, "I worked
>all last week with the men
> building a big house."
>
>"My goodness gracious," said the cashier,
>"Will you be working on the house
>again this week, as well?"
>
>The little girl thought for a moment and
> said, "I think so, Provided those
>wankers at Jewsons deliver the ****ing
>bricks!".Comment
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Went out with some friends last night. We all ended up really quite drunk. Someone I've not known that long was there and he came out with one of the funniest things I've heard in ages. His missus was on her way over to pick him up:
Me: "So is your mrs. hot then?"
Friend: "No."
Me: already starting to laugh
Friend: "Well you'd find out sooner or later wouldn't you"
He delivered these choice lines in all seriousness which just made it worse. I ended up rolling around the place with laughter.Comment
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In this day and age there can be no justification for there being holes in bagels. It makes spreading anything on them a stupid fiddly task.Comment
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so was it nice then Y.M. ?
Reading The Sun (took all of 5 minutes) at lunchtime, had this vision of a frontpage:
PSP Dead Pixels saved my life
"If I hadn't been on my way to Argos to return my PSP I would have been killed when gas explosion blew up our house"Comment
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I believe elements of my brain staged a revolt and escaped through my left ear today. I definitely feel more stupider.
I was actually so bored at work today I thought I might become an abstract concept. Or pretend to be a wristwatch.Comment
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Originally posted by anephric
That's bad man, I got to the point when I was in banking were I actually hammered a staple into my finger out of pure boredom and didn't feel it for a good 30 seconds my mind was so numb.Comment
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I sat in the bogs just now pretending to have a **** for 15 mins, just to relieve the tedium of staring at a CRT.Comment
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