The Banter Thread / Banter Topic / Sean Bean

[SuperDanX]

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bored!!!!!!*goes Mad*

[t-dog]

meant as i'm bored WITH you, not i'm bored with YOU.

[Kieran76]

Anyone looked out of their window tonight? There appears to be a massive Halo like shine around the moon. I fear we may soon be under attack.

[marcus]

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. A few years ago, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an
abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by an east coast resident, which was posted on
the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:


Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).
He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at
a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

[radio]

Anyone looked out of their window tonight? There appears to be a massive Halo like shine around the moon. I fear we may soon be under attack.

i noticed that too!

[VR46]

Bit early for an Xmas carol but

The Twelve Days of Chavmas

On the 12th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me,
twelve chavvers chavving, eleven prammers pushing,
ten lads joy-riding, nine ladies drinking, eight midriffs showing,
seven scallies stealing, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs,
four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry

[112]

lol!

but wouldnt it have been better if the five gold rings went like " five sovereign rings........."

the burberry is a classic!

112

[Resonance]

Bit early for an Xmas carol but

The Twelve Days of Chavmas

On the 12th day of Chavmas my true love sent to me,
twelve chavvers chavving, eleven prammers pushing,
ten lads joy-riding, nine ladies drinking, eight midriffs showing,
seven scallies stealing, six teens a-laying, fiiiveee gooolldd riinngggs,
four stolen phones, three navel studs, two tracksuit tops and a pikey in Burberry

MEGA LOL!!!

[SubparMario]

Mother****er. Left my wallet on the counter in Pizza Hut, went back to get it and the chimp claims I definitely picked it back up and took it with me because she "saw it in my hand when I opened the door"! Clearly ****ing stole it. Scum.

[t-dog]

get her name,report it to five-o, stalk her, make her feel it wasn't worth it.

[Spatial]

Gargh!

There's nothing worse than that intense tingling feeling up your arm when you touch the metal bit of an electrical cable when the power's switched on. Just did it with the VGA connector on my monitor

It's how I imagine an electric shock would feel (only obviously much worse and all over)

[Kieran76]

Good news, I've lost a bit of weight!

Got a wedding tomorrow and was worried I wouldn't be able to fit into my best made to measure suit. Just tried on the trousers and although they are a tad tighter than I would have liked they fit a lot better than when I last wore them.
Think I will have a drink to celebrate.

[Widegoat]

Good news, I've lost a bit of weight!

Got a wedding tomorrow and was worried I wouldn't be able to fit into my best made to measure suit. Just tried on the trousers and although they are a tad tighter than I would have liked they fit a lot better than when I last wore them.
Think I will have a drink to celebrate.

Congratulations on being less fat than you were! I too have lost weight in recent weeks, and as such I'll join you in a calorie stuffed pint of beer.

[spagmasterswift]

The Safeway name will be consigned to history 43 years after it opened its first supermarket - with the only temporary reminder being a few lorries still bearing its logo. Out of the 479 shops acquired in the deal, more than 200 Safeway stores have been converted to the Morrisons format, with the last four due to open under the banner tomorrow. Other stores have been sold to rivals, while a handful that are not being converted will close to shoppers on Saturday. Morrisons Chief Executive Bob Stott described the completion of the conversion as a "significant landmark" in the history of Morrisons - although the transition has been far from smooth. One of the UK's best known supermarket brands will disappear later this week when Morrisons completes the conversion of ?3bn acquisition of Safeway.

Source - COMAG C-Details.

That make me kind of sad, I spent a lot of time as a kid being dragged around Safeway in Leigh-On-Sea.

[Il Postino]

Originally posted by: spagmasterswift
That make me kind of sad, I spent a lot of time as a kid being dragged around Safeway in Leigh-On-Sea.

I once worked in an in-store bakery for Safeway. I was young and spotty and the hours were far from social, but I met some funny people there, people who made me the man I am today (a bad man perhaps).

Anyhow, one of my many duties was to prepare the cheese scones; this involved, dipping basted scones into grated cheese buckets (oh, you had to be there, it was like the Generation Game but with the laughs).

Now I wasn't a bad scone baker (but, don't get me started on Mr Santasarez (spelling) and the frowning faces on the doughnuts incident).

I'm freeforming here, but every day, my manager, a bloke called Tim (a ****ing scouser, hey I love you scouse sorts deep down) always and without exception would hit me with the same line: "What the fook is this? I've seen more cheese on the end of the me fookin bellend".

At a young age, this kind of gob****e will break you, although the aforementioned doughnut incident did (almost) get myself and Tim fired.

Understand, this was every ****ing day and I think somewhere in my brain a special valve snapped.

Never been the same since.

I'll delete this contribution tomorrow, can still type, but brain sloooowing down now.

Bloody good episode of The Love Boat Though.