Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Bereavement

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    #16
    My situation very similar to Evil Boris & Decider-VT... For me, it was about clearing that space in my mind that allows unexpected recall of the person who's gone. Once I control that space, I can allow only positive memories in.

    Easier said than done for some people I expect.

    Comment


      #17
      My Nan passed away today. 89, she had been suffering from dementia for a while.

      SHe had a fall back in early April when getting of a dial-a-ride bus and broke her hip. She had it plated and pinned but caught an infection when in recovery.

      So, for the last 2 1/2 months we've watched her slowly waste away. Every hospital visit she would refuse food and didn't recognise any of us in the room except for, on rare occasions, my Mum.

      I started the first day of my promotion today and had been in for less than an hour before I checked my phone to see 5 missed calls from my Bro. I contacted my wife and she tild me that Nan had fallen into a coma and it was juat a matter of time.

      I caught the first train I could (Farnborough is only 22 minutes from Basingstoke where I live) but by the time I reached the nursing home it was too late.

      The hardest part is watching my Grandad be strong for my Dad and my Dad trying to be strong for my Mum, Bro and I.

      We don't really to "feelings talks" in my family but since the break up of my previous relationship I've tried to be more honest about that kind of stuff.

      I guess we were kind of expecting what happened to happen so it hasn't hit me yet that she's gone.

      Not looking forward to the next few days.

      Sorry for babbling on.

      Comment


        #18
        I think for those who are saying to keep your chin up & think of the good times, well that's easier said than done. A yr is not that long a time to move on from someone who has been a part of your life since you were born. As others have said everyone should grieve for a loved one in their own way.

        My dad right now is dying of cancer - lung, liver & kidney, & its been a pretty upsetting time these last 6 months. He got rushed in to hospital about 6 wkd ago cos his heart stopped due to a blockage (he's on warfarin & the other meds have messed with his dose). Went to der him in the hospice & he looked so weak & thin i really had to fight back the tears.

        He's 79 but my parents had me in their early 40's so it doesn't feel like we've been together that long. Funny thing is i used to fight a lot with him & his views. We didn't get along that great, as opposed to the relationship he had with my bro, but it now seems that i care more about him as my bro isn't really that bothered about what's happening.

        Its affecting my mum badly too, as she's finding it hard to cope. I pop over all the time to make sure their both ok & try to keep upbeat but it is hard & upsetting thinking that he will be in more pain, then will not be here, & my mum will pass away in the not too distant future too
        Last edited by EDDIE M0NS00N; 26-06-2013, 10:18.

        Comment


          #19
          Thought I'd post in this old thread, rather than the "little things that irk you" as it doesn't really fit in with the good-humoured moaning it's intended for. I think this thread may have lost a chunk of posts in The Purge, though.

          No matter, if people want to post in here, they can.

          Anyway, it was my Mom's funeral on Friday and it was a nice send off.
          The sun came out and lots of people lined the streets around her house and along the route to pay their respects.
          We could only have 15 inside the crematorium chapel and the same outside, with the service relayed by speakers. We also streamed the service so that people unable to attend because of social distancing could participate.
          We had a socially distanced not-a-wake in the garden with a few family members that had travelled from London.

          Now comes the task of sorting everything out from her bank account to her house.
          I feel a bit sick when I have to do it and I burst into tears when I walked in yesterday.
          She went too soon, was still a massive part of our lives and I'm constantly reminded of her.

          I'm filling up at work and people don't know how to handle me, so I'll stop now, but wanted to say thanks for all the support on here, guys, especially all the PMs I've had and a big shout out to [MENTION=1218]Zaki[/MENTION].

          Comment


            #20
            [MENTION=10111]QualityChimp[/MENTION] not sure how to put this but Glad the funeral went well (not glad but pleased, you know what I mean...Glad just doesn't seem to sound right in the circumstances) & you had a good turn out, she would have been pleased

            It must be awful & I can't imagine how I'll be when my mum goes...we are ridiculously close.
            In fact if you don't see me on here for a considerable length of time that will probably be the reason...I genuinely 100% will not cope when this time comes.

            It will never fully feel real I expect, but just small steps, a bit at a time, is your Dad still with you?

            Keep your chin up dude

            Neil

            Comment


              #21
              Originally posted by Soundwave View Post
              @QualityChimp not sure how to put this but Glad the funeral went well (not glad but pleased, you know what I mean...Glad just doesn't seem to sound right in the circumstances) & you had a good turn out, she would have been pleased
              Don't worry, I know what you mean!
              The sun came out and it meant people were able to stand in the sun, rather than the rain.
              She would have been flattered with the response.

              Originally posted by Soundwave View Post
              It must be awful & I can't imagine how I'll be when my mum goes...we are ridiculously close.
              In fact if you don't see me on here for a considerable length of time that will probably be the reason...I genuinely 100% will not cope when this time comes.
              Yeah, it's tough.
              The problem I have is that you always think they'll be there, so you kind of put off calling or visiting, and no matter how much you do, you still feel it should have been more.
              Make sure you call your mum for no reason than to tell her how much she means to you.

              Originally posted by Soundwave View Post
              It will never fully feel real I expect, but just small steps, a bit at a time, is your Dad still with you?
              Sadly, my dad passed away 5 years ago.

              I guess... this makes me an orphan.

              Is it obligatory that I fight crime at night from the Chimpcave?

              Comment


                #22
                Originally posted by QualityChimp View Post
                Don't worry, I know what you mean!
                The sun came out and it meant people were able to stand in the sun, rather than the rain.
                She would have been flattered with the response.
                I bet, pleased the sun stayed for you & people were able to attend

                Originally posted by QualityChimp
                Yeah, it's tough.
                The problem I have is that you always think they'll be there, so you kind of put off calling or visiting, and no matter how much you do, you still feel it should have been more.
                Make sure you call your mum for no reason than to tell her how much she means to you.
                Yeah you think they are invincible & will just keep going, but sadly not the case
                Oh don't worry I do, we speak a few times a day & we do shopping for each other at the moment so door stop drop offs are regular, still see them both (Mum & Dad) throughout this...I would never have coped not seeing them...even from a distance during this whole lockdown.
                They know what they mean but I still tell them

                Originally posted by QaulityChimp
                Sadly, my dad passed away 5 years ago.
                Oh dude I'm so sorry, it must be even worse now that all this falls on your shoulders.

                Originally posted by QaulityChimp
                I guess... this makes me an orphan.

                Is it obligatory that I fight crime at night from the Chimpcave?
                Ha ha so what's the crime fighting name...Super Chimp? Chimper-man? Wonder Chimp?
                Learn a new Skill like Archery & become Chimp Arrow?

                Neil

                Comment


                  #23
                  Just heard the wife of my friend that I've known since forever has died.

                  Kind of knocked me for six. Remember to enjoy the little things, gang and don't sweat the trivial ones not worth getting stressed about.

                  Comment


                    #24
                    Very sorry to hear that QC. What you say is so true.

                    Comment


                      #25
                      Yeah that’s rough. Sorry to hear that.

                      Comment


                        #26
                        Sorry to hear that Chimpy. That sucks.

                        My friend died on Thursday. We're not sure how yet. We all went to his place in Weston-Super-Mare for a lad's weekend 3 weeks ago and had an amazing time. He was the world's greatest host. We all go snowboarding together every year, and have done for the last 10 years. Can't quite believe it still.

                        Comment


                          #27
                          ****

                          Comment


                            #28
                            Sorry to hear guys … QC, you’re so right.

                            Comment


                              #29
                              With bereavement it has been odd for me as apart from grandfather in mother's side when I was 6 I had no experience of it, now past few years lost grandfather two grandmother's two aunties , uncle and my stepdad and just been mental

                              Comment


                                #30
                                It's been a couple of weeks since the one friend who knew to contact me shared the news of a long-term internet friend's death. He lives in NI so we didn't see each other as often as I'd have liked, but aside from various internet communities we'd moved through, we'd spent some good times together travelling, gigging and the like, and whenever we spoke it was always as if no time had passed at all. We'd always each have some new thing we were into and keen to share - a new album the other would inevitably love, or a game that'd flown under the radar, and so on. The news has upset me a lot, and it's clearly devastated his close friends and family. I watched the funeral remotely and was in total bits throughout.


                                I'm no stranger to bereavement, but this has hit me differently as it's someone that's much closer to me - in terms of age, circumstances, passions, personality - the works. It is untimely, and unexpected, and I simply don't want them to be gone, or for this to be where our shared experience of this life starts to diverge. It is a kick up the arse to be a better, more present friend for those that are still here, but before I get to that I need to take some time to figure out how to pick myself back up.

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X