Bereavement

[Asura]

It's been a couple of weeks since the one friend who knew to contact me shared the news of a long-term internet friend's death. He lives in NI so we didn't see each other as often as I'd have liked, but aside from various internet communities we'd moved through, we'd spent some good times together travelling, gigging and the like, and whenever we spoke it was always as if no time had passed at all. We'd always each have some new thing we were into and keen to share - a new album the other would inevitably love, or a game that'd flown under the radar, and so on. The news has upset me a lot, and it's clearly devastated his close friends and family. I watched the funeral remotely and was in total bits throughout.


I'm no stranger to bereavement, but this has hit me differently as it's someone that's much closer to me - in terms of age, circumstances, passions, personality - the works. It is untimely, and unexpected, and I simply don't want them to be gone, or for this to be where our shared experience of this life starts to diverge. It is a kick up the arse to be a better, more present friend for those that are still here, but before I get to that I need to take some time to figure out how to pick myself back up.

Wishing you the best.

[Anpanman]

It's been a couple of weeks since the one friend who knew to contact me shared the news of a long-term internet friend's death. He lives in NI so we didn't see each other as often as I'd have liked, but aside from various internet communities we'd moved through, we'd spent some good times together travelling, gigging and the like, and whenever we spoke it was always as if no time had passed at all. We'd always each have some new thing we were into and keen to share - a new album the other would inevitably love, or a game that'd flown under the radar, and so on. The news has upset me a lot, and it's clearly devastated his close friends and family. I watched the funeral remotely and was in total bits throughout.


I'm no stranger to bereavement, but this has hit me differently as it's someone that's much closer to me - in terms of age, circumstances, passions, personality - the works. It is untimely, and unexpected, and I simply don't want them to be gone, or for this to be where our shared experience of this life starts to diverge. It is a kick up the arse to be a better, more present friend for those that are still here, but before I get to that I need to take some time to figure out how to pick myself back up.

That's a very nice and heartfelt message about your friend, commiserations.

[QualityChimp]

I'm glad you got to pay your respects, Fuse.
I think the thing to take away is that both of your lives were richer by having each other in them.

It is untimely, and unexpected, and I simply don't want them to be gone, or for this to be where our shared experience of this life starts to diverge.

I totally get this, mate.

Last night I took my son to an open day for the local senior school.
I had a dream about it and remember being really sad that my Mom won't be part of this next stage of his life.
I woke myself crying and I've been tearful all day.

[nonny]

Wow this is a hard thread to read but I personally feel better from reading it.

I've gone through one major bereavement personally which continues to affect me now, though I am far more positive in how I cope with it. I don't think you ever really get over this stuff but if you can hold onto the good memories and focus on those you'll see improvements in how you handle the triggers.

In my case I lost by lifelong best friend to suicide shortly before I returned to the UK. I knew he was suffering from depression on/off and I was really eager to get back home from Australia with my kids (which he had never met). We were travelling back from Australia via Thailand over 4 weeks and in that time he took his life.. so I missed the funeral and I never got to see him again.

All I was left with were some private messages on facebook and a missed phone call. He had messaged to wish me a happy birthday and love to my kids... and that was the last communication I've received.

Much like everyone else here I've struggled initially, drinking too much, distancing myself from family and basically bottling it up trying to make sense of it all. It was very much a downward spiral and it has taken a few years to really process it all and begin to rebuild. For me personally I stopped drinking for 6 months and started running... that helped me immensely both in head space and health.

I never stop thinking about him. I talk to him almost daily and those memory triggers are everywhere... but they quite often fill me with joy now more than sorrow.

So to anyone going through those hard days I guess all I can say is it's absolutely ok to be sad and not ok... just keep an eye on your own health and definitely keep talking to people, either family, friends, here... as it really helps.

[wakka]

Really sorry to hear that fuse mate

[fishbowlhead]

Tuesday morning i lost my best friend, Scott, he posted here once upon a time “superking”. His dad rang me Tuesday evening just after me and my partner had got back from 20 week baby scan (all fine and healthy), to tell me he died.

I’ve not dealt with it yet and most likely won’t for a long time, we’ve known each other since we were 10, we’re, I’m, now 38, a part of me is gone forever.

He’s left a whole host of issues for his now widow to deal with, which im doing everything i can to help with along with my partner, but it doesn’t seem enough.

I just feel numb right now.

[fuse]

Yeah, that's a familiar name

Not that there's ever a good time, but can imagine that's particularly tough jumping from one end of the emotional spectrum to another like that. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[wakka]

Really sorry to hear that FSB my condolences. I also remember superking from here.

[Dogg Thang]

Aw man, sorry to hear this. That’s incredibly hard.