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The Relationship Thread II: Lost in that Last Goodbye

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    Originally posted by kryss View Post
    Stop overthinking FFS
    I can’t help it, that’s anxiety.

    But it this case, I felt it more reasonable- if only because I’m trying to protect myself a bit, and see if you thought what I said sounded like nonsense or not. It’s hard to see through the cloud.

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      Either she's got a migraine or she's avoiding you. If the former, she'll get back to you if you say "ping me when you're feeling better". If the latter she won't get back to you if you say "ping me when you're feeling better". Your action is the same either way. Easy!

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        Pretty sure she won’t get back to you if you use the word “ping”.

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          Well yeah. There is that.

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            I'd learn to not really care. Beeeeee Cooooool. It's all stress, anyway. When it happens it'll happen.

            Platitudes, I know. But there is often much truth in platitudes.

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              I'm confused.

              She's in bed with a migraine. You already know what migraines are like from experience, and yet that's all it took for you to question her commitment to this... dalliance?

              I reckon you should go back to focusing on yourself and see if she gets back in touch. I'm starting to wonder if these girls are simply figuring you out and deciding to cut and run.

              :EDIT:

              A bunch of posts appeared before I posted this - including yours about anxiety - so I'm adding a bit.

              Can I ask how you interpret the advice - chill out, calm down, don't worry about it, etc - you get on here? Does it affect how you're dealing with these situations?

              I have anxiety, too. I'm really scared of driving and haven't driven since I visited the US 18 months ago. I can drive when I have to, and I'm good at driving, but I don't enjoy it. I decided to join a car sharing service a year ago to encourage me to drive little by little. It costs me 15 quid a month and I haven't used it yet.
              Last edited by randombs; 20-09-2019, 06:47.

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                Well, I don’t know if you’ve experienced online dating nowadays. Generally you get dicked about a lot.

                I’m lucky, it’s never happened to me before (a cancellation) and I thought id ask if it seemed legit or not. Being a new experience and not something my anxiety brain has a mechanism for reacting too- I just thought I’d ask for advice.

                I’m hardly in meltdown, I was just asking some advice- suddenly implying that it’s my own fault is a bit out of order.

                Figuring what out exactly? I hide my anxieties very ****ing well, there’s a persona there yes, but when my best friends don’t know I suffer, even now, I don’t think that’s an issue. I’m actually chilled as **** about it all on the outside- but internally is where I face the back and forth in my head.

                These are my internal thoughts, and Ive treated this as a safe place for me to brain dump, when I struggle with some things as I don’t talk to people close to me about it. I take offence at “figuring me out”. There’s nothing to ****ing figure, I was asking for some general advice on how to take something.

                I won’t do it again, I appreciate the replies now and historically, but I feel like I’m turning into a running joke or something now.

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                  [MENTION=3332]MrKirov[/MENTION]: you're not a joke figure. It takes guts to post questions or problems that can open you up for ridicule on a gaming forum full of middle-aged men. We all know what a bunch of caring, sharing folks, who are in-touch with their feminine sides, we are, right?

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                    Originally posted by MrKirov View Post
                    Well, I don’t know if you’ve experienced online dating nowadays. Generally you get dicked a lot.
                    And just in the interest of balance!

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                      Originally posted by gunrock View Post
                      @MrKirov: you're not a joke figure. It takes guts to post questions or problems that can open you up for ridicule on a gaming forum full of middle-aged men.
                      This.

                      If anyone has been glib, it's because they don't think there's an issue, rather than taking the piss.

                      I'd like an update on how things are going, both with this woman and in general.
                      You've been through a right roller coaster of emotions over the last year and worry when you post when things are a little dark.

                      Feel free to continue posting if you want to and you think it helps.

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                        Originally posted by QualityChimp View Post
                        This.

                        If anyone has been glib, it's because they don't think there's an issue, rather than taking the piss.

                        I'd like an update on how things are going, both with this woman and in general.
                        You've been through a right roller coaster of emotions over the last year and worry when you post when things are a little dark.

                        Feel free to continue posting if you want to and you think it helps.
                        I maybe overreacted- sorry. I just got annoyed at the implication that my issues with dating/women etc are my own doing. Im not some kind of social pariah, far from it, and its not as if "oh well its showing through your message and meets even though you dont think they are". Thats just not the case. The sheer number of dates and stuff ive been on are because this whole thing is a numbers game nowadays. Its just how it is- but it's a good things as its helped me learn alot about myself.

                        Alot of what I post is just thoughts in my head- I find it difficult to sort or defrag and parse things so I find writing them down helps. And considering you lot have been on this roller coaster with me since the start, I feel comfortable sharing here when I have concerns or thoughts that I know if I dumped anywhere else i'd get a response of "wtf dont be a dick". Im just being honest with the thoughts whizzing around.

                        ANYWAY

                        Yeah, i'm good, actually!

                        Spent some time to myself, seeing family, gymming again, treating myself to lots of new clothes and games and blu rays- i'm lucky that right now I have the disposable income.

                        Works going better, not perfect, but better- they gave me a random payrise so I cant complain, with another review written into my contract for February.

                        The extra weight I put on recently is gone thanks to my routine returning and controlling my diet, and im spending more time not ignoring things- and instead staying on top of them- chores, the cats stuff etc. I bought a new car as my old one failed MOT so I ended up trading in it into the MOT garage and buying another from him. It is the epitome of a mid life crisis car (Focus sport, black alloys, low rider tyres and rear tinted windows) but it only cost me a grand after the part ex as I knew the garage owner.

                        The house isnt selling- its been up for sale for a while and theres drama there from my ex. I dont actually care though, its my home and im not putting it up for firesale prices so she can have money. She also tried to row with me about me buying another place when it sells "Why cant you rent?! Buying will delay things and possibly make us lose our buyer when we get one?!?" Jog on hahah!

                        I dont even think about her anymore, im genuinely over her- and looking forward to everything moving on so I can start afresh with no baggage.

                        Im not really dating anymore. I just cant be bothered, its too much of a chore, and like work. I only happened to speak to this one because she jumped out at me.

                        With her, I left it there yesterday, its all good. She apologised, said she hoped I didnt think she was dicking me about, and said she hoped I would rearrange. She said she would sort herself out and text me today, so i've just taken it at face value. It was going well before, so no reason to worry about something that hasnt happened- just took me some thought to get to that point! If it doesnt happen, it doesnt happen- I cant control other peoples actions.

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                          Get some gams on and chill out hoss. Your over revving and running flat out

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                            Reading the last page or so, definitely let this one ride out. Nothing of concern there. Having a date cancel on you is a little like having a plumber cancel on you, just shrug it off then rearrange if you can. If they let you down again weigh the circumstances then third strike and they're out. No cause for concern yet

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                              Originally posted by MrKirov View Post
                              Figuring what out exactly? I hide my anxieties very ****ing well, there’s a persona there yes, but when my best friends don’t know I suffer, even now, I don’t think that’s an issue. I’m actually chilled as **** about it all on the outside- but internally is where I face the back and forth in my head.

                              These are my internal thoughts, and Ive treated this as a safe place for me to brain dump, when I struggle with some things as I don’t talk to people close to me about it. I take offence at “figuring me out”. There’s nothing to ****ing figure, I was asking for some general advice on how to take something.
                              I'm really sorry! "Figuring you out" was the wrong term and sounds accusatory. I was thinking of the times your dates seemed to be going well and then the girl would suddenly go cold on you, and thought maybe they'd "figured out" you've got anxiety issues.

                              My wife is very good at figuring me out when I'm going through something. She'll notice subtle changes in my expression and mannerisms. Women's intuition, perhaps. She'd keep quiet in the early days because she wasn't sure how I'd take it. These days she'll ask what's going on because we had a big talk about not hiding stuff.

                              You say that you hide your anxieties very well, but you can't know for sure. If you say your best friends don't know you suffer, it's possible that they do but are worried about how you'd take it.

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                                Originally posted by vanpeebles View Post
                                Get some gams on and chill out hoss. Your over revving and running flat out
                                I read that as “get some grams on the go” and wholeheartedly agreed, then re read it and realised that’s not what you said. You can go either way with both sentences 😁

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