Life as a Parent 2.4

[QualityChimp]

We've contacted the school and the head of the year told my wife that the teacher should have been an opt-out ... but unless that's done with discretion there's not a kid in the class that would lose face by saying they didn't want to watch it. I'm still trying to speak with them to make sure it doesn't happen again. I wouldn't have wanted it in my head at 12. But maybe that's just me.

Did you get any response about this?
I've thought about it a few times, mate.

[Dogg Thang]

I found the first six months to be STUPIDLY HARD. Then it suddenly eased off. I figured it was because I finally knew what I was doing but then the first six months were stupidly hard on my second all over again.

Here's a thing for parents of older kids: am I the only one who is a terrible hypocrite of a parent? I must admit it bothers me sometimes. Like, I'll tell my kids they can't eat treats the whole time and I'll try to regulate that and give them good food habits. Then one will come down for something after bedtime and I'm scrambling to hide the huge bowl of ice cream I'm eating before they see it. I am a bad parent.

[Neon Ignition]

With ours we found that as you approached the 4-6 month phase you developed a sense of when your kid was crying in the night through habit rather than needing feeding. When that hits we made them go cold turkey on getting a response from us and within a few days both started sleeping through the night, that's the first real point that utterly transforms the experience. Reclaiming your own sleep.


I don't feel guilty having treats behind the kids back though, I file that one under them being able to make their own decisions when their older. Plus I work and get nothing for Christmas

[QualityChimp]

"Buy your own damn ice cream if you want some."
*wallop*

[Dogg Thang]

Thank you for that solid gold parenting advice, QC.

[QualityChimp]

If those cheeky urchins want to risk going to bed and with no gruel, that's their choice.



(Yeah, of course we have treats after they've gone to bed.)

[teddymeow]

I truly believe that you repress the first 6 months with a baby because there's not a chance in hell people would have had a second kid if they really remembered all the ****e times from the first one.

[Cassius_Smoke]

Yeah the first 6 months suck.
I should mention that we are due to do it all again in July. I can only imagine that with two children it's like setting Tetris to full speed and playing 24/7.

[EvilBoris]

Isn’t it the first 40 years that suck?

[prinnysquad]

It really is rubbish for the first year.

My wife and I met up with a couple who have about 10 weeks to go for their first baby to arrive and we tried not to sugarcoat things without scaring them.

Similar to you, Prin, when you're told you can't have kids and then it happens, there's this weird guilt complex where if you ever complain about the situation, you feel bad because it nearly never happened or there are plenty of others who are unable to have children.

You lose any right to be unhappy and when it's 4:37am in the morning and you've only had a max of 30 mins sleep and you have to be up for work in less than 2 hours, that's exactly what you are.

If you ever feel like that, it's OK, mate.

I should also mention you should never take part in the tiredness Olympics with your missus. You're both tired, there is no winner, so never claim you're more tired.

The missus and I have reached an agreement on this. She’s worse off than me, no matter what. It saves getting a thrashing.

Sagely advice, gentlemen.

I have to confess, QC, that I’ve felt the pangs of guilt concerning bemoaning what a lousy experience this can be. He’s very challenging and utterly draining. Don’t get me wrong, I feel privileged and adore him. But I’m really resenting the lack of ‘me’ time and my ability to do things I used to take for granted. Like sleep. The fortune of his arrival doesn’t necessarily negate the need to complain whenever he does my head in, so I make sure I do, much to the chagrin of the missus. It leads to a little guilt, but I’m not pretending it’s all motherly glows and roses.

It is like being the custodian of a noisy slug. I’ve just got back from work. He’d shat his pants so he started wailing. Then he started hiccups because of the wailing. Now he’s ramped up the whining. Stop crying, you little spenk.

You just don’t get a second. Keeping on top of washing, shopping, housework, etc, while dealing with this demanding blob of chub is incredibly tiring. Not to mention the processional visitations of people I’ve never even met.

[Neon Ignition]

The guilt pangs are gone for the second kid. By then you're thinking you granted them life, little suckers owe you

[QualityChimp]

I’m really resenting the lack of ‘me’ time and my ability to do things I used to take for granted.

This, right here, is my toughest challenge as a dad.

You don't realise what a selfish prick you are until you have kids.

My current issue is my phone addiction because I get minutes of me time when I hide between chores for a few moments.
I'll dip into here, Facebook or Marvel Puzzle Quest because I can squeeze those in, rather than anything long.
Consequently, when I do get time to do stuff when the kids are in bed, I'm still fiddling with my phone, because it's a habit.

I don't want the kids' abiding memory of me is my head in the phone.

I'm not one of those blokes who can happily abandon the missus for a weekend of football/golf/fishing, but I do miss the days when at the weekend I could put something on the telly that I want to watch for a couple of hours.

[Atticus]

Did you get any response about this?
I've thought about it a few times, mate.

Thanks for asking ... but nothing satisfactory. It's ongoing

[dataDave]

My wife and kid have gone back to Malaysia for Chinese New Year leaving me and the dog here for four weeks. There are tons of valid reasons for me not joining them this time - I did genuinely want to go as I'll be feeling constantly on edge with them being in Malaysia without me (not the safest of places), but on the other hand I get a lot of my time back to do what I want.

[Nico87]

On the sleep issue, I don't know how it is elsewhere but as a father here in Norway you get the first two weeks after birth off with full pay. You then get 12 weeks off with full pay whenever you want, but most guys take those 12 weeks after the mother is done with her 8 months off with full pay. It works out great sleep wise as there's no chance in hell that I'm up half the night when I have work, and we did the opposite when I had my 12 weeks off.

First 8 months or so he might as well have been a crying pear to be honest. I felt guilty for not being there more mentally, but I just had a strange feeling for those 8 months, as if I didn't know what I was doing coupled with him being super attached to his mum. All her attention went to him obviously so maybe I didn't feel wanted? I also kept my gaming habits from before the birth, or thought I could have them cause I thought that could be perfectly combined. It got much better in his 9 month though and I really got that connection with him then. He's 2 and a half now and life is perfect - and I get to do whatever I want (well, almost) after 19:00 every night.

Another thing, we never really put up the fight to make him go to sleep (in his own bed) again after midnight, so he sleeps in our bed from around midnight. I thought it'd drive me mad but I LOVE waking up to his face every morning and I get scared as hell when he's actually slept the night through in his own bed and he's not in our bed when I wake up. Wrecks the sex life a bit but plenty of time for that before midnight.