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Life as a Parent 2.4

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    With both our ours we got to that tired point where you desperately just want a good nights sleep but the baby is still up throughout the night so we did the same thing with both.

    There's a point where you begin to suspect that the baby is awake all the time, or waking up lots, and isn't actually that hungry more just wants comforting. At that point (and we had to swaddle SFJr1 up as he would wake himself with his own hands) we put them in their cot in their own room and after their night feed they got nothing till morning. We'd pop our head in every now and again to check they were okay, that they hadn't been sick or were getting too stressed, but crying non-stop was okay as was just lying there. Enough so we knew they were safe. It's still hard work as the noise is terrible but with both within 7-10 days they were sleeping through most of the night.

    Going off your past posts I think you're still a few weeks off trying this but it shouldn't be long now and words can't underline enough the difference it makes.

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      Yep, we went through the sleep training too. I think we used whatever method is in that Gina Ford book. And yeah it took a bit but we got there. I can only imagine it is different from child to child but I think the big thing is that you have to commit to it.

      My sister is a child psychologist and described it this way - imagine there is a vending machine and, every single day, you get a coke from it. One day, it just eats your coins and gives you nothing. So you put in more money and it still doesn’t work and you get angry. But still it gives you nothing. Because you’ve been getting your drink there every day, you’re going to try again the next day. And maybe even the next but, around this point, you start to think you’re wasting your money and you move on. But maybe a week or so later, you pass the machine and think “maybe I’ll just give it another go”. If that machine gives you a coke, you’re back to square one and you’re going to keep trying to put money in it. She says it’s the same with babies. Once you’ve worked out your method, you have to be completely consistent or they just revert to their old habits. And they’ll try it on again once you think you have it cracked.

      Not easy but I think most parents go through it. But massively complicated by the colic. Leaving a baby in pain is a whole different thing from leaving one just looking for company or comfort or whatever. They do need to learn to self-soothe.

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        Yeah, you probably need to accept that 2019 is the year you won't sleep properly.
        Or see your friends, the New Year in or a complete film.

        My son didn't sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time with silent reflux in the first year.

        Think about that - a year where you sleep no more than 20 minutes at a time.
        I was a broken man, so I know where you're coming from.

        My wife wasn't able to produce enough milk, so expressed whenever she could.
        It was about 4 in the morning, I was feeding him a bottle and she was sat there with the expressing machine on, doing it's sorrowful whine as it drained milk and her life from her and we agreed to knock it on the head and go bottle.

        I'm not saying that's your next step, but I totally understand the lengths you'll go to make baby happy.

        Once you move to bottles, it's a whole new ball game, with you brewing a bottle like an alchemist with lactose-free formula, colic liquid and some other stuff.

        I completely feel for you, Prin, but if you can survive the most gruelling year of your life, you can survive anything!

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          It is funny (tragic) how many of us seem to have had similar situations and yet, even with everyone throwing advice at me for nine months of pregnancy, almost nobody told me it could be that hard at times. Most people would give that knowing grin and say, oh you’ll never see a movie again, as if it’s a funny thing but it’s not funny. It’s hard to the point where it can break you.

          Anyway, we’re all here for you Prinny. If there’s anything we can advise on, just let us know. If you just want to rant and tell us to shut up, that’s okay too. We’re all rooting for you.

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            I think people are so glib about it and think it's funny "Oh, you're not going to sleep for a while! Ha ha ha!", but I've known what a zombie you become, just existing.

            You do a full day at work, then start the next job as parent, with no downtime because your partner needs a break from the crying - both the baby and her, and you feel guilty, because this is everything you wanted, isn't it? It's a miracle that doctors said would never happen and there are people who would love to have these issues but they can't have kids.

            So why are you so depressed?
            You know why, but you can't really express it to anyone you know and if you're not judged you'll get "it gets better with time", but that doesn't help you right now.

            Keep going, man. As DT says, we're here for venting purposes.

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              All sounds like a waking hellish nightmare of never ending expense and no actual life whatsoever.

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                Originally posted by fishbowlhead View Post
                All sounds like a waking hellish nightmare of never ending expense and no actual life whatsoever.
                That's the dictionary definition of early parenthood.

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                  And then you have a second kid!

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                    Originally posted by Superman Falls View Post
                    And then you have a second kid!
                    And the rest, sex machine!

                    A woman at work said "Don't have two!".
                    I wish I'd listened.

                    If our second was like our first, there probably wouldn't be a second, but our first lulled us into a false sense of security.

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                      If it helps until recently we worked with a woman who had had three and said her biggest regret was not having a fourth!

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                        I would have gone for a third had we not been getting into risk factor age. My first was REALLY hard, mainly because we were new parents coupled with colic. By comparison, my second was easy (no colic, easier kid, we had way better systems and knew what we were dealing with). The main challenge with the second was juggling a toddler as well. I would have liked a third.

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                          SFJR1 is three atm and SF2 turns two next month and words can't describe how much of a break work has become. It's like choosing to have kids and opting for Hard Mode. But - we're still looking at the subject of SFJr3. So many pros and cons to weigh up, we're mindful of age (our own, child care support form my parents and any potential age gap between the kids) but trying for SFJr3 also includes the risk of facing miscarriage #3 as well so you're always weighing up how much of the existing kids childhood you want to orientate around baby making. That and the idea of a third on top of these two... but then you remember any difficulties are temporary and one day you'll wish for another day with them as they are now... *sigh*

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                            Kathryn has reflux issues, and we've tried a bunch of different bottles so far, and the Dr Brown ones are really helping in general. Far less winding needed, it's advertised as anti-colic, and far less reflux and/or sick issues happening post feed. It probably does help though that we are still on the Prem2 liquid formula, so we've not had to make up feeds from powder, and won't have to until she is six months old as that's how long we are allowed to get prescriptions for it. By which point she may be in the early doors of teething and/or weaning in general. Prior to that the missus was able to breast feed for about six weeks and express enough to mostly keep her going too during the day.

                            Completely understand about the lack of time for yourself though. I'm trying to make those little gaps in between feeds, and so is the missus, although she is very anti mess, so convincing her that the house can get a bit messy with toys and stuff about the place is a non-starter. As Madness said in "Our House" re one of their mothers, "and a mess is not allowed"!

                            I pretty much looked after Kathryn by myself (without interference from the missus so she could get stuff done and have proper sleep) from Friday evening until Sunday lunch time, with one gap when our girl really unleashed her bowels, so it was impromptu bath time, that the missus took care of (mostly because I've not actually bathed her yet unaided). As I'm now back at work, the missus is pretty much looking after her for most of Monday-Friday except the few hours each evening before they go to bed. She needed the break this weekend. Thank God she does sleep regularly for the most part, with only a few instances of playing up, and she has taken recently to going one period between feeds into a 4-5 hour extension, so extra long rest period once during the day.

                            Kathryn LOVES floor time, so she can often calm her down and keep her occupied for a bit while keeping a vague eye on her while doing other things around the house. Stops her getting bored, stimulates her, and we are already thinking she's ahead of the mental development curve for her age, which might explain the easier boredom threshold. Important factor that I've been learning from the missus as she has more exposure, is that Kathryn has lots of different cry types, and more often than not, it's just her vocalising her moods without actually needing anything to be done to or for her. Or she's just steadily building up to the point (mostly feeds) where you then step in to deliver the bottle, but there's no point before that moment because she won't drink as much, and thus probably need feeding again sooner than expected. Very tricky balancing act, but maybe I can just phase some of the crying out and it doesn't irritate me as much it would some other people. Once she goes full nuclear, then it's either I'm starving or I've just completely shat myself, get me out of these clothes!

                            Definitely agree with SF about sometimes she makes a noise because she just wants a cuddle. We've attempted a sleep/wake routine about when she is in the moses basket, on the floor, in the crib at night, and it's mostly working in general thankfully.
                            Lie with passion and be forever damned...

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                              I’m so jealous that I could cry.

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                                Another terrible day and evening.

                                He also shat in the bath, and ended up with cack on his arms, bollocks and neck. Normally id find this hilarious, but it was ten to 8, I hadn’t eaten, and the thought of starting again really annoyed me. The missus is close to taking him to A&E. She’s at her wits end and doesn’t no what else to do.

                                Appreciate all the kindness and encouragement, though, lads.
                                Last edited by prinnysquad; 18-03-2019, 21:51.

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