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    Originally posted by Nico87 View Post


    F*ck yes I'm happy
    I spy stray Duplo!

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      I have that on SFC, is it any good?

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        It's Magical Taruruto-kun, a very cute platformer. It's good if you like cute platformers! And well spotted vanpeebles

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          Yer cheeky bugga, comin on ere posting stray duplos.

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            Originally posted by Dogg Thang View Post
            I think a big part of it for me is what was missed. Like, if you think of life as a game, I moved on to the next level even though I had spotted some really cool places in that last level but forgot to go there but the game has auto saved and I can’t go back. And I did that again and again. And the reason is actually because I was kind of content each time - I moved on for what were probably good reasons. But I know I missed a lot of the game.

            Thinking of it another way, think of young life like a smoker. When we’re young, we can have a lot of fun but also do ourselves harm and there’s drama and heartache and a lot of hard stuff. Now imagine a parent sits their kid down and makes them smoke 40 packets of cigarettes as that lesson thing that we’ve heard of. They have smoked all those cigarettes and they’re done now. Some people live young life like that. So when they settle down, they’ve got that rubbish out of their system. I did not smoke that 40 packets of cigarettes. I realise many others didn’t too but I have always had a yearning for that - even for the hard stuff, even for the drama for some weird and probably self-destructive reason.

            And this isn’t a new feeling - it’s not just a mid-life crisis because it’s a recurring theme in my life. Just where it lands now definitely probably counts as one.

            In all honesty, even after more than a decade of marriage after a long relationship and two kids later, I still haven’t conquered my fear of commitment. Isn’t that nuts? I couldn’t count the amount of times over those years that I’ve thought about just leaving. Not because anything is bad - really, I’m very fortunate and should be thankful. But because there is still a weird part of me that feels like life is like a Fighting Fantasy book and I want to go back and try a different path, no matter what horrors that leads to. In fact, maybe the more horrors the better. And that might be because I feel I’d now be better able to deal with the hard things of years gone by. I was rubbish at being a teenager. Rubbish at being in my 20s but I probably could have figured out being a teenager by that point. Rubbish at being in my 30s but I might have a good go at my 20s at this point. Come back in ten years and I’ll tell you how I figured out how to live in my 40s.

            I can’t go back and I think that’s probably the core issue and it is an unsolvable one. There is nothing that can be done now without totally breaking my life and the life of others, that wouldn’t be utterly sad and pathetic, to change any of that.

            Anyway, I guess the short version of all that is that, right now, no I’m very far from happy. Still here though.
            I imagine many of the thoughts and feelings you describe are common. Each of us have lived the life we have lived and that life only, so it's probably not unusual to wonder how life might have turned out under different choices and decisions. Many who led wild lives probably wonder how their life would be now had they led quieter lives and vice versa. Likewise with our partners, I've never been in a relationship and not, at some point, asked myself "What the hell are doing with this girl, she's completely wrong for you". I sometimes look back over my life and wonder whether every decision I made was the wrong one but, again, to me that's a very normal thing to do and no need for alarm or regret because they're just moments in time. I guess the unhappiness comes when those thoughts and questions become beliefs rather than mere moments that pass as quickly as they appeared.

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              Read about feelings and symptoms that can be common with mental health problems.


              Missus took this NHS test and scored 19 on the Depression Scale and 19 on the Anxiety Scale which she says feels about right for her.

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                I scored 2 on the depression and 0 on the anxiety but I don't have a lot of faith in those kinda tests. We're complex, organic, ever-changing (even from moment to moment) organisms. What saddens or upsets us one moment we can handle the next moment with ease, depending on how much energy and attention we give, be it consciously or unconsciously, to our thoughts. It's the brain's job to spot and solve problems, it's a fantastic instrument that has gotten us to this point in our evolution, but when it has no real problems to solve (hunger, shelter, survival etc.) then it has a nasty habit of creating them out of nothing. "Oh, I'm too fat", "Oh, I'm not good enough?", "Oh, everyone thinks I'm stupid", "Oh, how will I ever cope when such and such dies?" and so on but they're just thoughts. We can be sitting in a lovely garden on a warm day and feel depressed because we're focused on all that nonsense going through our head instead of focusing on reality: on the garden and the sun and how lovely it is. That's why meditation is such a powerful tool. It helps us to see, through experimentation and experience and direct observation, thoughts for what they really are: empty clouds passing across an open sky.
                Last edited by Zen Monkey; 16-05-2019, 10:43.

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                  Originally posted by Neon Ignition View Post
                  https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress...lf-assessment/

                  Missus took this NHS test and scored 19 on the Depression Scale and 19 on the Anxiety Scale which she says feels about right for her.
                  I got 24 for depression, 21 for anxiety. I'm ****ed. Last 18 months have been a total ****ing grind, everything's gone wrong and then things keep getting worse and it's just got on top of me. Thank god I've got a coupla really good mates that keep me going.

                  Can't face another year like this 'un, wanna feel strong for 2020 and sort my scheisse out but there's so much and I feel too weak. Been burying my head in the sand for too long and it's all mounted up and buggered me badly.

                  Gotta change, get out of this big rut, change me, change my habits, change my world. Thinking of going on meds for a bit cos my thoughts and worries are like constant fireworks in my head and I'm on edge so much that life is no fun at all, even when I'm blasted.

                  When you're needing to take beta blockers and maybe a can or two just to get you out shopping because the anxiety's so awful then there's something wrong.

                  Only venting, I'll be OK but it helps writing it down so I can read it back to myself.

                  Anyone tried Mirtazapine? Have been on Citalopram and Prozac in the past but the latter made me manic and both gave me a limp noodle, especially the former.

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                    I'm on citalopram. Have been for 2 months. I feel like a new person. It's just pushed the depression to the back of my mind. Its given me the mental space to start some control methods and fix my brain. Not had any side effects or anything.

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                      I thought Citalopram was OK, just it took me about six months for my ability to ejaculate properly to sorta 90% come back whilst I was on it (which wasn't fun for me or my gf at the time!) But it is deffo good for anxiety, it's been a consideration but I've been hankering for a bit of romance as I've been a bit out of the loop with my mental madness, recently. It's a scary side effect!

                      It's definitely a consideration, though. Gotta get through this patch. 45th birthday tomoz, creeps up fast, need to tackle this quick before I lose more years cos they keep on fading away.

                      Damn, hark at me, lol. Sorry to be a downer, peeps.

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                        Originally posted by JazzFunk View Post
                        45th birthday tomoz
                        Yeah, I’m right there with you, birthday bro. We do have a lot of good years left but that means they need to be good years, if you know what I mean. Due to work/life situations I feel I lost about half of this year even though some stuff has been getting a lot better (largely my own outlook which, after literally years of trying to figure some things out, finally gained some clarity) and we’re not at an age where we can afford to consider half a year lost.

                        Sounds like you need some help getting back on track. I’ve been to limp noodleville too in that situation and it’s no fun but you can always try to adjust dosages or ask for different things to try. I know some people go through a bunch of cocktails before finding something that fits without many side effects. And weirdly for me lexapro was great the first time and hit me with a bunch of side effects when I was back in it years later. No idea why.

                        Anyway, hope you get sorted and happy birthday, buddy!

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                          Originally posted by Dogg Thang View Post
                          Yeah, I’m right there with you, birthday bro. We do have a lot of good years left but that means they need to be good years, if you know what I mean. Due to work/life situations I feel I lost about half of this year even though some stuff has been getting a lot better (largely my own outlook which, after literally years of trying to figure some things out, finally gained some clarity) and we’re not at an age where we can afford to consider half a year lost.

                          Sounds like you need some help getting back on track. I’ve been to limp noodleville too in that situation and it’s no fun but you can always try to adjust dosages or ask for different things to try. I know some people go through a bunch of cocktails before finding something that fits without many side effects. And weirdly for me lexapro was great the first time and hit me with a bunch of side effects when I was back in it years later. No idea why.

                          Anyway, hope you get sorted and happy birthday, buddy!
                          Happy Birthday right back at you, Dogg. You're a ledge, an exquisite gent and a hyper-massively talented, dedicated bloke. Much love.

                          Yeah, feel like I've got to the point where I realised I've lost my way too much. It's like I've been walking about on the moors and it's so so lovely and peaceful and natural and there's clouds and mist and trees and smell of wet autumnal vegetation and it's lush, it's heaven, heavy and heavenly.

                          And then ten minutes later I can't hear cars anymore, it's got darker and all I can hear is rustles, hoots, distant growls, scratchy noises.

                          And I'm alone wearing a cack £40 'Regatta' TK Maxx parka with a half-pack of Trebor Extra Strong Mints in ma right pocket and truly don't know where the fuuuuuuhk I am.

                          It's bit like that, mentally. But writing here helps. It's the only place I write at *all*, tbh. Serious. The only place that makes me write at all.

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                            I think thars a great analogy.
                            This is the first time I've ever spoken to a doctor about my depression and started on meds. I had no idea just how much mental gymnastics I had to do every day just to act normal.

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                              Nice one Cassius, happy you're doing cool. It's not the end, innit? That's the key.

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                                Feeling a bit low I must admit. Looking forward to Christmas but not as excited as I would like to be, no particular reason.

                                Sure I am 'happy' but I think work and Christmas stuff being churned out earlier and earlier in the year grinds my interest down. I want to get totally absorbed with the festive spirit but I have 3 more difficult days at work left and my mother is already on my case about trying to change my arrangements despite her being fully aware what I am doing (she bombards me with calls/ texts whenever I am away from her like when I am with the future in-laws to the point I have to turn my phone off which will cause an argument when I eventually see her). Lots of walking on eggshells with my mum as I apparently start all the arguments when I visit.

                                A couple of gifts I have posted off don't seem to have arrived despite spending a lot on them to be sent (trying to find any tracking I have on them atm) is ticking me off and as always being away from the bloke for a few days this time of year can be a bit glum.

                                I have lots to look forward to this year, I just cant shake it into gear this year which makes me feel like a right old grinch rather than being full of beans as usual for me this time of year.

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