Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

The Films You Watched Thread V: Dead Men Watch No Movies

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Completely agree about Baywatch. I hated that film.

    I really like bad American comedies (I've seen Jack and Jill with Adam Sandler at least twice, possibly three times), but Baywatch was just boring. Really, really boring. Which is kind of the worst thing a film can be.

    Also it's over two hours long as I recall, which for what it is is simply insane. Should've been 95 minutes max. You can't tell me that you need more than 95 minutes to tell me a story based on the TV series Baywatch. That would be a bald-faced lie. It's a series whose popularity is founded nearly entirely on Pamela Anderson's breasts.

    Comment


      Yeah, the Sky box says it clocks in at 2hrs 22mins (but u gotta add on about 40mins for ads n stuff).

      It's totally terrible. The only decent thing in it is The Rock, and he really is too good for this. He's trying hard to be a bit comedically nuanced, too, you can tell. But this is SCHIDT!!!!

      At least in PIRANHA 3D, you had loadsa colour, almost a DEAD ISLAND vibe...with The Hoff at his very bestest since the heyday of KNIGHT RIDER. Him basically being a selfish twod, whining about his lot in life whilst women n' children die via fish around him, it's a PINNACLE, in fact he's the only memorable thing about that movie.

      He's GOLDEN. He's the only thing in it that makes you wanna rewatch it. And you WILL. Because The Hoff is so damn brill and cool-ly utilised in it. It's a legendary turn, tbh!!!!

      BAYWATCH??? Erm...it has this horrible 'Superbad'-type comedy bod in it and he's not funny in the slightest. He gets his cock n' balls trapped in the wooden slats of a sun lounger and HAS to have them publicly freed in a circle of swimwear-clad young people, for some reason.

      It's clear this guy is about five foot five but appears to have a knob the size of a good-sized flask and balls the size of mangoes.

      He's just...not appealing or relatable-to in any way I could tell. And his cock n' balls are clearly oversized for the sake of one terribly embarrassing 'joke'.

      If he was built like that in his groin, he'd be getting bee-hatches from sundown to sunup. But he's like a lesser Alan Partridge with all the appeal of Dustin Hoffman when he finally goes psycho in STRAW DOGS.

      (and he never goes psycho or nuts and I can't see why anyone would go nuts for this ****in ****, either!)

      I ****in HATED this film. It really isn't funny at all, it's like AI trying to create consistently funny humour out of all Seth Rogen's filmography.

      But even failing at *that*.

      Comment


        Have to agree: saw Baywatch once when it was first shown on UK Freeview and I won't be watching it again, ever, if I can help it.

        Yet Piranha 3D is very watchable and some, not all, of that is down to DH's performance.

        My favourite 'gross out' movie is a Million Way To Die In The West which divides viewers/critics almost 50/50 - a true Marmite film. There are slow bits and things that just are not that funny but when its good it is hilarious. Seth Macfarlane's and Neil Patrick Harris's gunfight at the end is one of the few comedy scenes in almost any recent-ish film I can remember that has the made me laugh uncontrollably.

        Sarah Silverman is great as a whore with 'Christian' ideals who balks at having sex before marriage with her boyfriend even though she services the sexual needs of half the town's male population on a daily basis. To top it off you have Charlize Theron who almost always adds to any film's quality and Liam Neeson, effectively playing it dead straight as a brutal outlaw, likewise.

        Comment


          Django Unchained. After a long break from Tarantino after the two Kill Bill movies, this is the last in my catch up of all the rest. Loved the others (Once Upon A Time In Hollywood particularly), and really liked this.

          Comment


            I really like DJANGO UNCHAINED. I'm a fan of about half of his films, say Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, Death Proof (I loved it).

            Wasn't a fan of the Kill Bill films, didn't like Inglorious Basterds and abso-bloody-lutely hated The Hateful Eight (I'm quite cavalier about stuff but found it really, really misogynistic in a horrible way, it felt really ugly and I found it hard to like as a film) . But I really wanna see Once Upon A Time...sounds right up my street, I love Boogie Nights sorta movies, they're my fave.

            Gonna watch WITHNAIL & I tonite. Was on channel 4 last night at 12.15. Am stoked, only seen it once and in about 1992. I just know I'm gonna like it even more now I've actually sorta *been* Withnail, at points.

            Comment


              Saw Powell & Pressburger's weirdest WWII time film again on Sunday: A Canterbury Tale. It features Eric Portman one of most reliably good British film actors of his day ably supported by co-stars the then relatively unknown Dennis Price (Kind Hearts And Coronets) and Shelia Sim who went onto become Lady (Richard) Attenborough.

              The third lead, Sgt. John Sweet, a genuine US serviceman (1944) is not out of his depth either and his slight awkwardness actually works for his character as a soldier who gets off the train to Canterbury at the wrong stop.

              Part mystery, part subtle propaganda, occasionally gently comic but also a forward looking, very progressive film showing in particular the role of women in the war and suggesting the changes in the social order to come after it has ended.

              But it also has that Powell & Pressburger other worldliness too, a deep seated love of the British countryside and its history, Kent (yay!) in particular. The b/w photography and lighting is at times wonderful and there is some unusually modern camerawork used too.
              Last edited by fallenangle; 02-06-2020, 00:55.

              Comment


                ^need to get into the Powell n' Pressburger stuff, I really appreciate older movies these days. What's a good one to kick off with?

                Watched WITHNAIL & I. It was pretty much exactly as I remembered, although my memories gave Richard Griffiths more cats than he actually has (ie. one. And it's a "swine!").

                Still a great movie but I found myself more attracted to the scenery, it's lovingly atmospheric 80s Britain and it made me all nostalgic. See it if you haven't, I bet C4 will be showing it a few times, it'll prob end up on Film4.

                Comment


                  You should start with the Life and Death of Colonel Blimp or Black Narcissus.

                  Comment


                    Indeed the Life And Death Of Colonel Blimp with Roger Livesey, the fantastically good Anton Walbrook and Deborah Kerr at her stunning best in three roles is probably my favourite of their films. The restored version which enhances its original glowing colour photography is outstanding. A very long film though: 2hrs 44mins.

                    But you can't leave out A Matter Of Life And Death with David Niven and, again, Roger Livesey. Same photographic quality and its swapping between colour and b/w is one of it many delights. The special effects are extraordinary even now.

                    Can't argue with Black Narcissus either and I suppose we have to mention The Red Shoes too. The latter definitely not my sort of thing (ballet) but you can't ignore it if you're looking for the highlights covering the broad spectrum of their work. On which subject I'd also include The Spy In Black, which I think was their first collaboration and I Know Where I'm Going with Roger Livesey, again, and the great Wendy Hiller. It a small romantic film, very British and in particular very Scottish but at its best it oozes that other worldly atmosphere I mentioned earlier.

                    Comment


                      ^thankyou for the info, I shall let it sink into the subcon and explore those films!!!!

                      To counterbalance the above, I have to say not all old movies are worth watching. I watched THE DEVIL RIDES OUT, earlier, and it was terrible, dull rubbish, especially for 1968 (when NOTLD and ROSEMARY'S BABY were about!!!!!!!)

                      Even as a kid, I avoided this film. It stank of depressing death. My mum used to rave about it but all I ever used to see were posh old English guys in three-piece suits standing around in studies talking pawsh.

                      And that's all 97% of this film is. It's sooooo dull, even with Christopher Lee in.

                      As a kid, I absorbed most of the Hammers but this absolutely reeked of dull and I truly had an aversion to watching it. I was right, this is rubbish, my intuition wins in this case!!!

                      Comment


                        Dennis Wheatley?

                        Dennis ****ley, more like!!!

                        Comment


                          The Wandering Earth
                          Certainly interesting but it's dumb as a door post and despite how much money was spent on it it often looks cheap though there are a few nice shots.

                          The Godfather Part II
                          Meh, was very curious about this having enjoyed the first film far more than I expected but this is something of a bloated chore by comparison and definitely the weaker installment of the two by quite a margin. Nowhere near enough story to sustain the 3hr 30m runtime.

                          Comment


                            Elle - French language film from Paul Verhoeven about a sexual assault and the way in which it is dealt with I suppose. It’s uncomfortable at times and goes to some unexpected places, but the main performance by Isabelle Huppert is so remarkable it’s impossible to stop watching. Typically provocative from Paul Verhoeven.

                            Originally posted by Neon Ignition View Post
                            The Godfather Part II
                            Meh, was very curious about this having enjoyed the first film far more than I expected but this is something of a bloated chore by comparison and definitely the weaker installment of the two by quite a margin. Nowhere near enough story to sustain the 3hr 30m runtime.
                            I much prefer the first one too. It’s in a different league for me.

                            Comment


                              Originally posted by fallenangle View Post
                              Indeed the Life And Death Of Colonel Blimp with Roger Livesey, the fantastically good Anton Walbrook and Deborah Kerr at her stunning best in three roles is probably my favourite of their films. The restored version which enhances its original glowing colour photography is outstanding. A very long film though: 2hrs 44mins.

                              the.
                              Wonderful film, one of the greatest ever made.

                              Comment


                                Gonna be watching GATTACA tonight. I've never seen it but have had the sealed DVD sitting about for like eleven years, I think it's about time, innit?

                                Making it a mini-mission to get through old DVDs I haven't watched, then getting rid if it's not a keeper (few are). I've even got stuff I bought in 2001 that I haven't watched. Got too much stuff, me.

                                Next on my list is WITHOUT A PADDLE, a DVD I've owned for about a decade and always fancied seeing. Then I can get rid.

                                Unless it's a keeper.

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X