The Films You Watched Thread V: Dead Men Watch No Movies

[CMcK]

Collosal. On Netflix. Watch it. Great ending too. Very silly.

About time too. I've wanted to see this film for ages. Assuming it's the Anne Hathaway / Kaiju movie.

[randombs]

Great puns, guys

About time too. I've wanted to see this film for ages. Assuming it's the Anne Hathaway / Kaiju movie.

Perfect combo. Anne for the wife to perv over, kaijus for me to perv over.

She properly pervs, too. There's a scene in Get Smart where Anne's on the phone by the window in her dressing gown and underwear, and wife managed to pause it when as she turns around just before she closes the gown. And it took a few goes, too.

[JazzFunk]

PIRANHA 3DD. Well, the non-3D version, courtesy of Film4.

I heard this film was fun and by golly it was. It's totally silly and stupid with a lurid, vibrant colour palette that is highly reminiscent of the Dead Island games (or vice versa?)

So so dumb, it's designed to be so, it's aiming for an OTT 80s/early 90s sorta comedy horror tits n' gore sorta vibe and it really works if you forget the plot and plaggy teats (100% fake boobage) and ignore some of the more terrible gags (there are loads). But there's SO much goin on.

Anyway, it had me proper tittering. Loads. Especially when the old skool cameos kick in. Three I found incredibly amusing:

1. Christopher Lloyd as a marine biologist who has a piranha the size of a shoebox in a tank that somehow can bite through a steel sheet when presented with a frog. Seriously, these piranhas look like bosses from G-Darius, ffs, these things are mental!!!

2. Ving Rhames as a wheelchair-bound, water-phobic legless sheriff who utters the line "in case you haven't noticed, fish ate my damn legs" when told he should take baby steps. This made me mega-titter.

3. Ultimately and bestly...The Hoff as himself doing a cheap gig at a pool opening, in lifeguard gear. Except he's the most nonchalant, cowardly lifeguard you could get and all he's arsed about is giving autographs and getting recognition as the piranhas kill everyone around. That and throwing insults at a ginger child.

It's bloody brilliant what they did with The Hoff!

I'm guessing Lloyd's marine biologist and Rhames' sheriff appeared in the 2010 movie? I was never even aware there were two of these reboots, I'm gonna hunt out the 2010 one for more dumb fun. This is a proper laugh.

[JazzFunk]

Anyway, YouTubing stuff on it afterwards led to me a beautiful clip where Rhames gives his Golden Globe to Jack Lemmon, made me well up a tad and see Rhames as even more of a ledge!!!!

[randombs]

Don't Stop the Camera! (a.k.a. One Cut of the Dead

So I've been living in Japan for over six years now, and I made the mistake of hardly watching any Japanese films. Outside of Ghibli stuff, English subs are non-existent and I'm not really motivated to yarr them(because my wife asks too many questions).

So my only Japanese visual stuff has been telly, which everyone knows is crap.

Anyway, I'd heard about this film and how much of a buzz it caused(It earned 1000%) and last night I found it on Netflix. Japanese subs engaged, I pressed circle and sat back...

The first scene is a half-hour single take following some people making zombie film in a place where - unbeknownst to the cast - military zombie experiments had actually been carried out the year before. Cue actual zombies showing up and causing a ruckus, at which point the crazed director realises this is a golden opportunity, shouts "DON'T STOP THE CAMERA!", and does whatever he can to squeeze every last drop of acting from his terrified, lemony actors.

It's incredibly well done, and reminds me why I used to love quirky Japanese films like Happiness of the Katakuris.

The spark has been reignited, my friends.

[JazzFunk]

All I can say is that sounds cool. Is it on UK Netflix?

Tomoz night I'm gonna rewatch FOUR LIONS, it was on Film4 about nine hours back and my Sky box taped it

Chris Morris has a new film out. A random interview came up on my YouTube, him and Jon Snow.

I think Morris should stop dyeing his hair, tbh, looks like he has a black squid on his head.

[randombs]

All I can say is that sounds cool. Is it on UK Netflix?

Tomoz night I'm gonna rewatch FOUR LIONS, it was on Film4 about nine hours back and my Sky box taped it

Chris Morris has a new film out. A random interview came up on my YouTube, him and Jon Snow.

I think Morris should stop dyeing his hair, tbh, looks like he has a black squid on his head.

Doesn't seem to be on UK Netflix. It's on Amazon Prime UK to rent but it's around a fiver.

That Chris Morris interview popped up on my YouTube, too. There were times when I thought Snow was gonna Guru-Murthy it up and get eaten alive but he gave Four Lions nice praise and appeared to have googled 'FBI' beforehand. It's cringey when C4 interviewers keep trying to pull the interviewee back to a particular question after the ship has sailed. Like an Eddie Izzard segue.

[JazzFunk]

I rewatched FOUR LIONS tonight, prob the fourth time I've seen it since 2011. It's like GHOSTBUSTERS in the sense I seem to find it like 11% as funny as everyone else seems to think it is.

Daring? Deffo. Funny?? Hmmm...

I think the main prob is Riz Ahmed. He's a good, edgy actor and he's the *only* capable/believable 'hero' in this but he just can't do funny. Not at all. And then he gets given these convolutedly unfunny Morrisian terms n' phrases that were schidt to begin with and sound even worse when delivered onscreen.

Funniest part of the film has always been the "wookiee" bit, the snipers quibbling. Nothing else in the film is anywhere near as funny.

Kayvan Novak for a gold medal, too. Home run.

[JazzFunk]

Watched some retro abomination, THE DEMON (1980). Maybe 81. But who cares?

And South Africa masquerading as a 1980s New York. Hence many interiors. And no exteriors.

Baaaaaad. Sincerely, please don't bother with this dreadful gash.

[JazzFunk]

"Starring Cameron Mitchell."

Yeah.

[Dogg Thang]

I watched John Wick 3 last night. It was okay. I enjoyed it beat by beat but it really leaned into the silliness and crossed over into very stupid. The bigger issue is that the movie had no focus and no goal. It’s impossible not to compare it to the first movie which was so tight and had so much focus. This one was aimless and had no progression. The single point of the movie where Wick actually had an aim (took about halfway through to get there), it was one of the most stupid beats and was resolved in 15 minutes, achieving precisely nothing. So by the end of the movie, not a thing had been achieved. Worse still, nothing had even been failed. Nothing had really happened at all.

And yet in spite of that, the movie was well made, the action was pretty great in places (loved those dogs!) and it was great to see the guy from The Raid. Oh, the main antagonist being played for laughs wasn’t a good idea, IMO. But yeah, I still enjoyed it. They know how to make a good action film look and sound good.

[kryss]

Geostorm. This week's disaster pron.

[Leon Retro]

I watched the John Carpenter film 'Prince of Darkness' from 1987.

I really liked this film growing up, but I was a bit worried it might be a bit too corny for me these days. From the start though, I could tell I was really going to enjoy it. John Carpenter really knows how to create a feeling of menace with his moody cinematography and haunting synth music. The pace of the proceedings kept me engrossed throughout, until it ends and you wish it had lasted longer. The only bad point is it could have maybe done with a bit more action towards the end. Apart from that, there are many memorable scenes and all the cast do a great job. Donald Pleasence is a joy as a Catholic priest. Also noteworthy is Alice Cooper as a possessed hobo. Overall, it's quite a subtle horror film, but it has an unforgettable air of evil and dread about it that makes it captivating throughout. 4/5

[QualityChimp]

Also noteworthy is Alice Cooper as a possessed hobo.

That was actually my least favourite moment as you just go "Oh look, there's Alice Cooper."

Other than that, there's a great vibe. When they're trapped and the guy's just laughing, it's really menacing.

How about that ending?!

How about that ending?!

How about...

[Leon Retro]

That was actually my least favourite moment as you just go "Oh look, there's Alice Cooper."

Yeah, it's a bit cheesy to have a famous rockstar in the role, but at least he looks weird and crazy. You see him a few times throughout the movie, with one of his scenes being quite shocking.

How about that ending?!

I'm now scared of mirrors.