The Banter Thread / Banter Topic / Sean Bean

[Baseley09]

^^ Hahah popular culture is the best.

[t-dog]

[JU!]

Glad you enjoyed Japan Ady i was there at the same time as you don't know if you got d PM. Japanese ladies do seem to have a certain class. N are also very polite but i think this is culture, Australian women seemed polite as well not really stuck up as most of the bird ere

[Ady]

Yeah I got your PM (just realised today). Sorry for the lack of reply, but I didn't know I had it until I came back to work and logged in to the site here. Can't say I've ever met any Australian women (well, I met one a few years ago, but that's nothing to go on), so I can't comment there at all. Howver, in my experience Euro ladies are also generally a lot more interesting than the homegrown variety (as I said overpage), and are actually capable of talking about something other than themselves!

[Peekay]

Magnums

The less I eat sugar, the bigger the effect it has on me - just ate a Magnum and I feel like I've taken some speed or something, my heart is racing and my face is all flushed... **** that. Gonna stick with peaches and bananas form now on

[marcus]

An open letter to Skeletor

Dear Skeletor,

First of all, many thanks for taking time to read this letter. I appreciate that your schedule is pretty packed with evil and evil related activities and that your time is precious. I'll try not to take up too much of it, but I really do think you need to hear what I have to say. I, like a large number of other people on the planet Earth, have watched with amusement for the past twenty years as you have repeatedly tried and failed to infiltrate and conquer Castle Grayskull and gain access to it's legendary "secrets". Yes, you read that correctly Skeletor: "Amusement". Because while I appreciate the thought, effort and sheer dogged enthusiasm which go into your takeover bids, your apparent inability to spot the numerous and often gaping flaws in each and every one of them is laughable. I'm sorry, but it had to be said. Take, for example, Fakir. You remember Fakir, don't you Skeletor? The clone you made of He-Man? On the face of it, the plan was brilliant. Flawless. You managed to create an exact duplicate of He-Man using just the power of your Ram's Head Staff, who could just walk up to Grayskull, knock on the drawbridge and gain entry. Victory was assured! Or at least it would have been had you not given Fakir blue skin and orange eyes. I mean - what were you thinking there? I can only assume this was a frankly astonishing oversight on your behalf. The real He-Man doesn't have blue skin or orange eyes, Skeletor, so in order to be truly effective, nor should an evil double. An identical duplicate should be identical to the thing it's a duplicate of. The clue's in the name. It's just common sense. Speaking of which, why do you insist on surrounding yourself with idiots? Okay, I appreciate that Beast Man and Trap Jaw are some scary looking blokes, but what real help have they been in your war on Eternia? They might mean well, but they haven't contributed anything useful in two decades, Skeletor. Not a single thing. Even with employment law being so strict these days, any other employer would have found an excuse to dismiss them long before now. It's not as if you even like them, and I'm sure they can't be brimming with job satisfaction either. I've had some ****** jobs in my time, but at least no boss of mine ever shouted "Fools!" at myself and my colleagues before shooting at us with lasers. I read somewhere recently that over fifty percent of people who get fired from a job go onto find higher paid employment in their next job. They'd probably thank you for sacking them in the long run. And what about your strong right arm, "Evil" Lynn? Look at her name written down. You've just been pronouncing "Evelyn" wrong all these years, haven't you? Surely even you can't expect the Masters of the Universe to lay down their weapons and cower before someone called Evelyn? Particularly one who doesn't even have the confidence to correct people who say her name wrong. Your recruitment policy is utterly ridiculous. Take Tri-Klops - okay, so he has three eyes, but how's that going to help defeat the mightiest man in the universe? At best it'll just afford him a better view of He-Man's massive fist as it connects solidly with his head. Likewise Ju-Jitsu - that big hand he has isn't a useful special power, it's just a big hand! He's deformed! While I applaud your policy on employing the disabled, you shouldn't fall into the trap of believing their disabilities will actually aid your nefarious schemes in any way. Elephantitis is not a valuable addition to your arsenal of evil. And surely when you employed the two-headed Two-Bad you realized that each half of him spent every waking minute punching the other half in the face? Why didn't this put you off? Why didn't it start alarm bells ringing?

Couldn't you have just found a single headed person who would spend their time punching someone else in the face instead? Someone else who it would actually benefit you to have punched in the face? An employee who spends the entire working day physically harming himself is a liability, no matter what line of business you may be in. And what about Stinkor? Jesus, Skeletor, you hire a guy just because he smells bad?! You think henchmen of that caliber are going to give you some kind of advantage over a man who can lift a mountain with one hand? I dunno, it just seems to me that you're deliberately shooting yourself in the foot by hiring these people. You're attempting to conquer a planet and rule it with a fist of iron, Skeletor, not start a circus. It's like you want to fail or something. There's probably a psychiatric term for it, but I don't know what it is. Assuming you do genuinely want to succeed, my suggestion is a completely clean slate. Start from scratch. This time round though, I recommend you pick your staff based on their intelligence and skills, not by how outlandish they look. If a guy turns up for interview with green and purple striped skin and metal wings, try to find out what abilities he has rather than just offering him a job on the spot. And when I say "abilities" I mean useful ones. Sit down and make a wish list of skills and attributes you think will genuinely increase your chances of ruling Eternia. I'd be surprised if "mental command over fish" is on there, so retaining Mer-Man's services will be largely unnecessary. Again, he may be resentful at first, but he'll be relieved at no longer having to worry about being thrown headlong into a pit of lava when he inevitably makes his next blundering mistake and will soon come to accept the benefits of no longer working for you. Once you have an effective team in place, pay attention to what they have to say. I know this goes against the grain, but even with the buffoons you have working for you now disaster could have been averted time and time again had you only listened to them when they pointed out the obvious holes in your plans. Like the machine you built to turn people to stone and bring stone things to life. Even Beast Man knew that one was an accident waiting to happen, and sure enough fifteen seconds later the machine was going crazy. What thanks did Beast Man get for pointing out the dangers of your latest contraption? A lightning bolt to the feet. He was only trying to help. How long did it take you to devise and construct such a machine, Skeletor? Longer than the four seconds it took He-Man to defeat the giant statue you brought to life with it, I'm almost certain. The same goes for the huge tank you made out of dinosaur bones. Appearance wise it was nothing short of breathtaking, but what was its purpose? I can see why the whole 'bone theme' appealed to you, but you can't have honestly believed that a vehicle which traveled at approximately four miles per hour and offered no protection whatsoever to those riding inside it was going to be the one to win the war? Trapjaw knew it was destined for failure, you could see it in his eyes, but he kept his metal mouth shut for fear of being on the receiving end of the mental and physical abuse he's come to expect from you. Rather than waste valuable time and resources developing such ludicrous contraptions, maybe you should concentrate instead on learning how to use your magic Rams Head Staff properly? I've seen you use it for everything from simple fireball hurling to creating living creatures out of thin air, so it seems to be an incredibly powerful piece of kit. Do you maybe have an instruction book or manual for it lying around Snake Mountain anywhere? If not perhaps you could get in touch with the manufacturer to see if they can help. It's clearly far more effective a weapon than a ray that stops all the flowers in Eternia from blooming. What use is that, Skeletor? You think He-Man's going to give up the secrets of Castle Grayskull because he misses his aspidistras? It's not going to happen. And anyway, are you sure Castle Grayskull actually has any secrets? I've seen inside it and it looks kind of sparse to me. It's just all stone walls and very little else. Maybe there's a room somewhere that's got secrets in it, but they'd have to be pretty impressive to justify the effort you're putting into getting them. What if the secret of Grayskull is just the Sorceress' family recipe for Bolognese sauce? Okay, that might be some tasty sauce, but is it really worth devoting your entire life to? It's something to think about anyway. Finally - and please don't take this the wrong way - don't you think you perhaps set your sights a little high when choosing He-Man as an arch enemy? I mean, granted you're pretty toned and clearly keep in shape, but when your opponent can defeat you and your entire army simply by blowing on you the time has surely come for a serious rethink? I hope you're not too disheartened by this letter and that you take some of my suggestions on board. There are too few evil megalomaniacs with no skin on their face around today, and I really do think with a bit more thought and a few slight changes in strategy you will one day become ruler of Eternia. I wish you all the best for when you do.

Regards,

Bemused.


P.S. - He-Man is Prince Adam with different clothes on. Obvious when you think about it, isn't it?

[Jushin-Thunder-Liger]

I flew back to the UK on the 13th to blanket grey skies, long faces, people moaning and general attitude problems (the usual UK stuff, then). Of course, I already knew all this, but there's nothing like leaving a place for a while and coming back to it to make such things more apparent.

.

Before i got to know some Japanese people quite well, i thought they were more positive and generally had better lifestyles than us foul smelling barbarians.
Then, when you feel back Japan's oh so shiny vaneer, you realise (well i did) that everyone is lonely and miserable, quality of life is crappy and basically its a 3rd world country with 1st world money.

Japanese society and Japanese women are much the same, look closely enough and beneath the beutifull exterior you see that her lipstick is on her teath, her eyebrows are wonky and her bush is very, very badly trimmed indeed


Having said that the UK is a pretty depressing place to return to, even after a trip to Chechnya the UK's general malaise is pretty depressing

[Ady]

everyone is lonely and miserable

That's a global problem...

[Jushin-Thunder-Liger]

That's a global problem...

Thats just what someone said to me on the train last week when talking about Japan. He had a beard and a squint.

Was that you?

[djjimbob]

Welcome to the happy thread.

[marcus]

Anyone read the letter to Skeletor? Took me ages to type all that.

[Darwock]

Read it a few months ago.. yeah. I'm sure it was posted here in fact!

[marcus]

Bah - rumbled.

[djjimbob]

Ctrl+c job I reckon. Quite funny though.

[radio]

Leaving work was good...really great and touching card and presents and an amusing if slightly regretably drink-fuelled day. Today was an especially great and memorable day though- got a B in my exam, ensuring me a place at my first choice of Uni! So a good two weeks! Now for a month of chilling out B)