Faceless hacker: Yeah, everyone thinks Nintendo's systems are secure due to the use of friend codes and now, with the 3ds, console codes but they really aren't
NTSC-UK: Really? How could such a system be compromised then?
Faceless hacker: It's really easy. I'll give a you a scenario. If I wanted to hack your system all I'd need to do is get you down the pub, with your 3ds, get you drunk, convince you to tell me your 3ds code, type in my 3ds code to your console while you were in the toilet and your system would be wide open.
NTSC-UK: But if I was drinking with you down the pub then you'd already be my friend wouldn't you? Why would you want to steal from me?
Faceless hacker: Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, as the saying goes.
NTSC-UK: That doesn't even make any sense.
Faceless hacker: Maybe I'm not your friend. Maybe you're trying to buy some drugs off me.
NTSC-UK: But I don't take drugs.
Faceless hacker: Don't you? Plenty of Nintendo fans do though. Think about it; walking-talking mushrooms, riding on the back of a dinosaur. It's all drugs.
...
NTSC-UK: What sort of damage could you do to my Nintendo account once it had been hacked in this way?
Faceless hacker: Pretty much anything. That Mario cap you got from Streetpass? I could steal that. I could even mess up the jigsaw pieces of your Zelda 3d picture that you're trying to complete.
NTSC-UK: Oh. That's not really that impressive to be honest.
Faceless hacker: Oh yeah? Well check this out then. I could make one of your dogs in Nintendogs & Cats breed with one of the cats. How do you think your kids would react when they next played the game and some crazy chimeran monstrosity bounds onto the screen?
Do you want your children playing with a creature like this?
NTSC-UK: Hmmmm. But you couldn't access someone's credit card details using this system could you?
Faceless hacker: With a little more work yes we could.
NTSC-UK: How?
Faceless hacker: In the scenario I described above I just added my 3ds code to your 3ds when you went to the toilet but what if you left your wallet in your jacket while you were going to the toilet and I stole your credit card? You can see now that Nintendo's online system has completely compromised your whole identity. I mean, why leave it at just your credit card? I could take your driving license too, steal a car and if the cops stop me just give them your driving license. Next thing you know you're in prison and it all comes down to Shigeru Miyamoto not treating security seriously.
Miyamoto - Defiant
NTSC-UK: So it's only the 3DS that's affected?
Faceless hacker: No. Once 3DS security is breached we have access to your Wii, including the Wii balance board.
NTSC-UK: What's the significance of that?
Faceless hacker: With access to the balance board we can make Wii fit report that you are underweight which could trigger binge eating thus causing colossal weight gain. Most of the Wii balance boards in the USA have already been hacked.
NTSC-UK: Thankyou for explaining these security holes to our readers.
Faceless hacker: You're welcome. Fancy going for a pint?
Our reporter made his excuses and left. We tried to get a photo of the Faceless representative so that our readers could avoid getting drunk with him up the pub and ultimately end up doing bird at Her Majesty's pleasure but he refused.
Be careful out there people.