Dan Star: Protector of Truth and Justice
Setting Up:
Thank you for buying this product and welcome to the manual for Dan Star: Protector of Truth and Justice. Please assemble your hype according to the instructions it came with, and make sure rational sense is turned off to connect political and cultural ignorance before proceeding. It is advised you do not insert any situations that may arise in common sense or reasoned discussion once the power is turned on.
Press the moral outrage button in the public's consciousness to start the game. If it jams, please refer to the latest controversy. Place the disc marked 'controversial opportunity' facing upward and attempt to close the medium to maintain financial success. Finally, after commencing play please make sure to reset the Medium Basher 370, so that the following controversy can be inserted.
PLEASE NOTE: The information in this manual was correct at time of print, but some minor changes may have occurred during the development process in the Medium Basher 370's life. Technological advancements, involving sound and visual improvements, may account for the possibilities of further controversies. Therefore manufacturing should be encouraged to ensue further opportunities arise. All mountains and molehills of software can be used in an opportune manner, although unforeseen circumstances may create a situation whereby said moral outrage doesn't involve viable game makers. If this occurs, please consult your clutching-at-straws Medium Basher 370 manual which accompanies this product.
Memory Card:
To save settings and progress, insert a Memory Card into the legal system Slot 1 of your Medium Basher 370. You can load saved data from the current controversy, or any previous events cultural awareness has stored in vision-o-stereotype. Make sure there is enough free space on your Memory Card to enact a detailed and concise case before commencing play with the controversy.
PLEASE NOTE: There have been minor problems in saving data when Medium Basher 370 is exposed or required to provide prolonged, knowledgeable arguments. Your Medium Basher 370 may not be able to recall situations where videogaming has helped aid people whose lives have been enriched. Possibilities of such recollections may result in a system crash.
Introduction:
It's 2020 and the world is giggling with glee as the next generation of social deviants shadow a climate possessing no social conscience. They were right, each and every one of them. On a diet consisting entirely of RuckStair South's gangsta anal-based prostitute-a-thon pimp simulation, Mumhunt, the nation's children have grown up to become adults whose aim in life is to attack what little remains of morality in times of social decay.
You play Dan Star, the only man in the world who can make a difference. Your aim is to bring the evil, corrupt videogame syndicate down via easy targeting, generalisation and hype through the power of your insightful intellect and legal mind. With Christian Middle America on your side, you shall lead your forces into battle and wage a war only the rightful can win. Disjointed polygons flaunting their naughty bits have no place in your heart.
Controls:
Press up On the Medium Basher 370's joypad to walk forward and move Dan Star to his ultimate aim of glory and salvation.
Press A To make Dan Star run, and enable him to move through accusations aimed at content which the makers had no intention of incorporating into their final products.
Press Y To make Dan Star question his insatiable non-financial desire to protect the innocent, and fester the need to rid corruptible, youth orientated videogames from the face of the world. Please note the Y button may sometimes fail to work.
Press X To entice Dan Star with the aroma of sexual controversy, and feed his growing sense of righteousness with the backing of jump-aboard political clout. This special move can only be obtained by targeting well known products, and ensuing that the foul ways defining accusations leveled at them weren't properly implemented to begin with.
Press C to use Dan Star's main weapon of public outrage to fire on unsuspecting opponents. Be sure to reload after the fourth or fifth time, as the increasing controversies may just begin to wear a little thin.
Press R To throw Dan Star into court land, and use the trigger of light to smite all those who aim to corrupt and damage what remains of the good in a world gone mad.
Press Select to disrobe Dan Star and utilise his special move 'demonstrating the naughtiness of disjointed polygonal naughty bits'. to fight fire with fire!
Press Start to access Dan Star's menu, and his outstanding repertoire of propaganda, sensationalism and extremism.
The Main Menu:
New To start a new game with Dan Star then please begin from a place where the next controversy begins.
Retry Retry a life with Dan Star, if heaven forbid, the media fails to latch on to his concise and wonderfully constructed arguments.
Sound Alter the volume level of Dan Star and make sure his ravings are heard by all the evil lap dogs of the insidious videogaming syndicate.
Button Configuration To change Dan Star's controls, make sure to move and influence the mainstream cultural view with reliance on well worn stereotypes to alter the way in which the targeted medium is seen.
Exploring The Environment:
The fantasy of Dan Star's crusade will transport you into the halls of ?naughty disjointed polygonal bits?, where gangstas and simulation AI find themselves forever caught in compromising positions with each other. As you search for a route out, be sure to check everywhere and locate the 'Dan Star: Protector of Truth and Justice' manual to discover the correct skill set for progression.
Inventory:
Potion To restore Dan Star's health, make sure to develop an easy target videogame to bring into court that is either a) Western made, b) involves any form of projectile weaponry or c) encourages gratuitous hardcore hot coffee sex.
Key To open doors in Dan's life, first make sure to crush development which has no bearing on the demographic he wishes to protect.
Speed-Up To make Dan Star run faster, avoid research and detailed analysis of the medium in question. Under no circumstances should you target violent games which aren't immediately noticeable outside of the mainstream, as that would complicate and slow movement down.
Enemies:
Reasoning An evil beast determined to push it's way into every aspect of Dan Star's viewpoint, which may actually develop an argument that can be considered rational and debatable within the medium and community being targeted.
Hypocrisy A foul parasite that will latch onto Dan Star and his merry band if you fail to control their crusade with the utmost delicacy. Within its horrible claws exist products that go beyond the deviancy he seeks to strike down, yet remain unnoticed due to lack of viable political/economical gain.
Loss/libel The most powerful manifestation of Dan Star's fears, these two are the wickest witches of all, waiting to pounce when he eventually targets a game that has little-to-nothing in common with the accusations being placed against it.
Stages:
Far Past Your journey begins in a land filled with blips, blobs, hairy hippies and smelly arcades. At this point the gratuitous nature of the medium hasn't flourished to the point whereby frequent legal opportunities have had chance to grow. You sleep, dreaming of the day when you can become protector of truth and justice. Only your hands are deserving of being able to wield the dangerous weapon that is public outrage in Middle America.
Near Present You awake to find yourself in a land ripe with possibility. Fat, slobbery pixels cascade down the screens for you to gleam at, presenting ultra realistic flat-shaded gun battles to cream over.
Long Future You're in a dream world. Videogaming has at last reached photo-realism, where EA's Fifa: All Your Smegma Belongs To Us 2020, an in-depth footballer naughty bits cleaning simulator, dominates both the charts and topical gaming landscape. At this point EA owns over of 90% of the videogame industry, and Dan Star is given the chance in court to bring the entire medium down in a single law suit. Will he make it and free the world from polygonal hell for forever more? Watch this space.
Credits:
Planners: Patience, Opportunism Design: Parents, lack of supervision, misunderstanding Director: Truth, Producer: Justice, Programmers: Context, controversy, adult themed gaming Composer Legality Artists: Cultural stereotype A, Cultural Stereotype B Engineer: Public Outrage Executive Producer: Dan Star Presented by: Ruckstar South
Setting Up:
Thank you for buying this product and welcome to the manual for Dan Star: Protector of Truth and Justice. Please assemble your hype according to the instructions it came with, and make sure rational sense is turned off to connect political and cultural ignorance before proceeding. It is advised you do not insert any situations that may arise in common sense or reasoned discussion once the power is turned on.
Press the moral outrage button in the public's consciousness to start the game. If it jams, please refer to the latest controversy. Place the disc marked 'controversial opportunity' facing upward and attempt to close the medium to maintain financial success. Finally, after commencing play please make sure to reset the Medium Basher 370, so that the following controversy can be inserted.
PLEASE NOTE: The information in this manual was correct at time of print, but some minor changes may have occurred during the development process in the Medium Basher 370's life. Technological advancements, involving sound and visual improvements, may account for the possibilities of further controversies. Therefore manufacturing should be encouraged to ensue further opportunities arise. All mountains and molehills of software can be used in an opportune manner, although unforeseen circumstances may create a situation whereby said moral outrage doesn't involve viable game makers. If this occurs, please consult your clutching-at-straws Medium Basher 370 manual which accompanies this product.
Memory Card:
To save settings and progress, insert a Memory Card into the legal system Slot 1 of your Medium Basher 370. You can load saved data from the current controversy, or any previous events cultural awareness has stored in vision-o-stereotype. Make sure there is enough free space on your Memory Card to enact a detailed and concise case before commencing play with the controversy.
PLEASE NOTE: There have been minor problems in saving data when Medium Basher 370 is exposed or required to provide prolonged, knowledgeable arguments. Your Medium Basher 370 may not be able to recall situations where videogaming has helped aid people whose lives have been enriched. Possibilities of such recollections may result in a system crash.
Introduction:
It's 2020 and the world is giggling with glee as the next generation of social deviants shadow a climate possessing no social conscience. They were right, each and every one of them. On a diet consisting entirely of RuckStair South's gangsta anal-based prostitute-a-thon pimp simulation, Mumhunt, the nation's children have grown up to become adults whose aim in life is to attack what little remains of morality in times of social decay.
You play Dan Star, the only man in the world who can make a difference. Your aim is to bring the evil, corrupt videogame syndicate down via easy targeting, generalisation and hype through the power of your insightful intellect and legal mind. With Christian Middle America on your side, you shall lead your forces into battle and wage a war only the rightful can win. Disjointed polygons flaunting their naughty bits have no place in your heart.
Controls:
Press up On the Medium Basher 370's joypad to walk forward and move Dan Star to his ultimate aim of glory and salvation.
Press A To make Dan Star run, and enable him to move through accusations aimed at content which the makers had no intention of incorporating into their final products.
Press Y To make Dan Star question his insatiable non-financial desire to protect the innocent, and fester the need to rid corruptible, youth orientated videogames from the face of the world. Please note the Y button may sometimes fail to work.
Press X To entice Dan Star with the aroma of sexual controversy, and feed his growing sense of righteousness with the backing of jump-aboard political clout. This special move can only be obtained by targeting well known products, and ensuing that the foul ways defining accusations leveled at them weren't properly implemented to begin with.
Press C to use Dan Star's main weapon of public outrage to fire on unsuspecting opponents. Be sure to reload after the fourth or fifth time, as the increasing controversies may just begin to wear a little thin.
Press R To throw Dan Star into court land, and use the trigger of light to smite all those who aim to corrupt and damage what remains of the good in a world gone mad.
Press Select to disrobe Dan Star and utilise his special move 'demonstrating the naughtiness of disjointed polygonal naughty bits'. to fight fire with fire!
Press Start to access Dan Star's menu, and his outstanding repertoire of propaganda, sensationalism and extremism.
The Main Menu:
New To start a new game with Dan Star then please begin from a place where the next controversy begins.
Retry Retry a life with Dan Star, if heaven forbid, the media fails to latch on to his concise and wonderfully constructed arguments.
Sound Alter the volume level of Dan Star and make sure his ravings are heard by all the evil lap dogs of the insidious videogaming syndicate.
Button Configuration To change Dan Star's controls, make sure to move and influence the mainstream cultural view with reliance on well worn stereotypes to alter the way in which the targeted medium is seen.
Exploring The Environment:
The fantasy of Dan Star's crusade will transport you into the halls of ?naughty disjointed polygonal bits?, where gangstas and simulation AI find themselves forever caught in compromising positions with each other. As you search for a route out, be sure to check everywhere and locate the 'Dan Star: Protector of Truth and Justice' manual to discover the correct skill set for progression.
Inventory:
Potion To restore Dan Star's health, make sure to develop an easy target videogame to bring into court that is either a) Western made, b) involves any form of projectile weaponry or c) encourages gratuitous hardcore hot coffee sex.
Key To open doors in Dan's life, first make sure to crush development which has no bearing on the demographic he wishes to protect.
Speed-Up To make Dan Star run faster, avoid research and detailed analysis of the medium in question. Under no circumstances should you target violent games which aren't immediately noticeable outside of the mainstream, as that would complicate and slow movement down.
Enemies:
Reasoning An evil beast determined to push it's way into every aspect of Dan Star's viewpoint, which may actually develop an argument that can be considered rational and debatable within the medium and community being targeted.
Hypocrisy A foul parasite that will latch onto Dan Star and his merry band if you fail to control their crusade with the utmost delicacy. Within its horrible claws exist products that go beyond the deviancy he seeks to strike down, yet remain unnoticed due to lack of viable political/economical gain.
Loss/libel The most powerful manifestation of Dan Star's fears, these two are the wickest witches of all, waiting to pounce when he eventually targets a game that has little-to-nothing in common with the accusations being placed against it.
Stages:
Far Past Your journey begins in a land filled with blips, blobs, hairy hippies and smelly arcades. At this point the gratuitous nature of the medium hasn't flourished to the point whereby frequent legal opportunities have had chance to grow. You sleep, dreaming of the day when you can become protector of truth and justice. Only your hands are deserving of being able to wield the dangerous weapon that is public outrage in Middle America.
Near Present You awake to find yourself in a land ripe with possibility. Fat, slobbery pixels cascade down the screens for you to gleam at, presenting ultra realistic flat-shaded gun battles to cream over.
Long Future You're in a dream world. Videogaming has at last reached photo-realism, where EA's Fifa: All Your Smegma Belongs To Us 2020, an in-depth footballer naughty bits cleaning simulator, dominates both the charts and topical gaming landscape. At this point EA owns over of 90% of the videogame industry, and Dan Star is given the chance in court to bring the entire medium down in a single law suit. Will he make it and free the world from polygonal hell for forever more? Watch this space.
Credits:
Planners: Patience, Opportunism Design: Parents, lack of supervision, misunderstanding Director: Truth, Producer: Justice, Programmers: Context, controversy, adult themed gaming Composer Legality Artists: Cultural stereotype A, Cultural Stereotype B Engineer: Public Outrage Executive Producer: Dan Star Presented by: Ruckstar South
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