Dizzy_fastfood-game-cover.jpg
Ok, so while I have my Commodore out, I may as well take a look at this, another game from my ill-spent youth. Just looking at the title screen of this one, you can tell it's a shameless Pacman rip-off;
"Wizza fast but stupid"? Ohhhh, kinda like Blinky? And "Fido slow but sure"? COUGHCLYDECOUGH. I think I get it. COUGHTOTAL****INGRIPOFFCOUGH.
You may also have noticed that it was coded by the Oliver Twins, so yes, it is a legitimate game in the Dizzy series. So why is it nothing like his other adventures? WELL... supposedly, it going to be a promotional game for the Happy Eater chain of restaurants, but when they pulled out, Dizzy got slapped all over it. That's always a good start.
So you start the game and you realise you were right; it is a total clone of Pacman, and not a very good one. It's not that the graphics are bad per se, it's just that I can't tell what ANYTHING is. I mean look at this ****. What the **** is it meant to be?
(This, by the way, is my favourite map in the whole game because it looks just like a packet of Frazzles, which is as good a reason as any I suppose).
Now I'm no expert on the Dizzy series, but isn't he supposed to have legs? You wouldn't know it from looking at this game, because they're almost impossible to see. Why did they make his limbs camoflage into the background so well? I used to think he was constantly licking his lips, but looking now I can see it's meant to be his stumpy little fists going back and forth.
dizzy boxing.JPG
Why is he wearing boxing gloves anyway? I guess we'll never know.
So like I said, it's a pretty standard Pacman clone, even down to the little cutscenes between rounds, in which Dizzy mutilates his enemies with threshing machinery and ****. That Dizzy is a tough sonuvabitch.
My advice is to start from level 20 (which you're allowed to do), because the early levels are just painfully slow, you'll think you've got treacle in your eyes or something it's that bad. If you accidentily run into the 'slowdown cheese' (or whatever the **** it's supposed to be) you may as well suck on the end of a shotgun right there.
I have to say, the best thing about this game is the music. There's really only one tune, but it's ****ing hardcore oldskool. It has that perfect fat, crunchy Commodore sound. Kinda like it's underwater, but in a good way. And the sound effect when you finish a level? So powerful and apocalyptic, it's just awesome.
One thing that's weird though is that all the artwork and even the in-game borders seem to depict the food as the enemy, but in the actual game, they just move around at random, avoiding you like little bitches and your real enemies are the little blobby bastards with stick legs. What's the deal here? And did they just forget that Dizzy himself is food? HE'S AN EGG!
Sorrel
Ok, so while I have my Commodore out, I may as well take a look at this, another game from my ill-spent youth. Just looking at the title screen of this one, you can tell it's a shameless Pacman rip-off;
"Wizza fast but stupid"? Ohhhh, kinda like Blinky? And "Fido slow but sure"? COUGHCLYDECOUGH. I think I get it. COUGHTOTAL****INGRIPOFFCOUGH.
You may also have noticed that it was coded by the Oliver Twins, so yes, it is a legitimate game in the Dizzy series. So why is it nothing like his other adventures? WELL... supposedly, it going to be a promotional game for the Happy Eater chain of restaurants, but when they pulled out, Dizzy got slapped all over it. That's always a good start.
So you start the game and you realise you were right; it is a total clone of Pacman, and not a very good one. It's not that the graphics are bad per se, it's just that I can't tell what ANYTHING is. I mean look at this ****. What the **** is it meant to be?
(This, by the way, is my favourite map in the whole game because it looks just like a packet of Frazzles, which is as good a reason as any I suppose).
Now I'm no expert on the Dizzy series, but isn't he supposed to have legs? You wouldn't know it from looking at this game, because they're almost impossible to see. Why did they make his limbs camoflage into the background so well? I used to think he was constantly licking his lips, but looking now I can see it's meant to be his stumpy little fists going back and forth.
dizzy boxing.JPG
Why is he wearing boxing gloves anyway? I guess we'll never know.
So like I said, it's a pretty standard Pacman clone, even down to the little cutscenes between rounds, in which Dizzy mutilates his enemies with threshing machinery and ****. That Dizzy is a tough sonuvabitch.
My advice is to start from level 20 (which you're allowed to do), because the early levels are just painfully slow, you'll think you've got treacle in your eyes or something it's that bad. If you accidentily run into the 'slowdown cheese' (or whatever the **** it's supposed to be) you may as well suck on the end of a shotgun right there.
I have to say, the best thing about this game is the music. There's really only one tune, but it's ****ing hardcore oldskool. It has that perfect fat, crunchy Commodore sound. Kinda like it's underwater, but in a good way. And the sound effect when you finish a level? So powerful and apocalyptic, it's just awesome.
One thing that's weird though is that all the artwork and even the in-game borders seem to depict the food as the enemy, but in the actual game, they just move around at random, avoiding you like little bitches and your real enemies are the little blobby bastards with stick legs. What's the deal here? And did they just forget that Dizzy himself is food? HE'S AN EGG!
Sorrel
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