Bad lyrics

[Ady]

Inspired by the Filter tangent in the NiN thread.

This is the thread to laugh at all the piss-poor lyrics that spring to mind. Round them up, name and shame the artists and give us all something to chortle at.

I'll start with a couple.

This is the life of a woman with demons,
When I first met I thought that she was steaming

/cringes

And another, from the same band, no less:

How can I know what's right,
In truth our lives were ****e...

[..]

Down, down, down,
We have the only gack in town

From the above, the following should be apparent:

1. Forced rhyming schemes make for poor lyrics (words don't have to rhyme, contrary to popular belief)

2. The word "****e" should never, ever be used in a song.

And please don't ask me what that last bit's supposed to mean.

There are loads more, but my mind's drawn a blank at the minute, so I'll leave it open to you.

Come on, let's see who can come up with the worst lyrics...

[anephric]

Seventy-seven million dollars made
From watchin' me cum under the sun
On my vacation (after hours on Spectravision) shootin'
My jizzy jizzum the woody
Has rissy rizen I ain't gettin'
Paid to entertain your birthday showers
Rockin' my porno tape for hours 'n' hours
Clitorises are fearin' me, it's bigger than Ron Jeremy!

Methods of Mayhem Get Naked!

Either genius, or bollok, depending on your persuasion. Most prolly bollok.

[Il Postino]

Okay, so so they may be an easy target but...

Band: Def Leppard
Song Title: Let's Get Rocked

Sample Lyric No1: Let's get, let's get, let's get, let's get rocked...

Sample Lyric No2: Well I'm sorry girl, here's my confession
I suppose a rock's out of the question?


The above makes "Wind of Change" by the Scorpions sound pretty deep and that is no small boast.

[icarus0]

Great idea.

Mark and Lard did this a couple of years ago on their Radio 1 show and there were some absolute stinkers. I forget which song won it, but it was certainly justified.

I'll just repeat what I posted from the other thread, American Cliche by Filter:

Last seat on the bus
who you gonna trust
which one do you follow
last seat on the bus
dont make such a fuss
this much should make you hollow
'cause every time you make yourself the reason
is everytime you make yourself beaten...
yeah

By no means the worst lyrics of all time, but they're hardly Shakespeare.

Stereophonics always seem to have their fair share of bad lyrics too but none spring to mind at the moment.

[anephric]

Okay, so so they may be an easy target but...

Band: Def Leppard
Song Title: Let's Get Rocked

Sample Lyric No1: Let's get, let's get, let's get, let's get rocked...

Sample Lyric No2: Well I'm sorry girl, here's my confession
I suppose a rock's out of the question?

What's even more amusing is Joe Elliot used to even remove the thin veneer of innuendo that lyric contains when he sang it live, instead grunting "I suppose a blow job's outta the question".

Wit. What-oh. They used to give out "Def Leppard Dick Licker" backstage passes to groupies they intended on performing said manoeuvre. *shudder*

[jezzace]

Shall I post the obvious Desere one:
"I'd hate to see a ghost
its the sight I fear the most
Rather have a piece of toast
Watch the evening news"

The chorus goes like this: "Life, oh life, oh life...doo doo doo" Quite funny really in its crapness.

[Ady]

Oh yes, here's a great one from Smashing Pumpkins guitarist James Iha's awful solo effort:

You and I are one and two,
If were killed, we'd both be torn in two...

Not only does that have to be one of the worst albums I've ever heard (in all it's oppressively saccharine glory), but the above snippet is just one very microscopic example of Iha's incredibly poor lyrical ability.

The fey one couldn't sing to save his life either, as I recall. Thankfully he stuck to what he was good at (languishing in Billy Corgan's shadow).

[icarus0]

Shall I post the obvious Desere one:
"I'd hate to see a ghost
its the sight I fear the most
Rather have a piece of toast
Watch the evening news"

The chorus goes like this: "Life, oh life, oh life...doo doo doo" Quite funny really in its crapness.

That's it - that's the one which 'won' the Mark and Lard competition.

Absolute ****e.

And James Iha rhyming 'two' with 'two'? Genius.

[anephric]

Bad nin lyrics:

No You Don't

Smiling in their faces
While filling up the hole
So many dirty little places
In your filthy little worn-out, broken down, see-through soul

Baby's got a problem
Tries so hard to hide
Got to keep it on the surface
Because everything else is dead on the other side

Teeth in the necks of everyone you know
You can keep on sucking until the blood won't flow
When it starts to hurt it only helps it grow
Taking all you need
(but not this time)
No you don't



No, you don't indeed. It's bloody terrible. Teeth in the necks? Teeth in my cecks, more like.

[endo]

Behold the god-awful unspeakable ****ness of Athlete:

"You got wires, going in
You got wires, coming out of your skin
You got tears, making tracks
I got tears, that are scared of the facts"

Wow, deep, wires. Bollocks. And the way he sings it. Jesus H Christ, what a load of ****.

[endo]

Can't remember the name of the track, maybe Age of Panic, but a Senser track anyway. They weren't too terrible at the time (although, looking back, maybe they were- crusties and dodgy rap rock probably weren't such a hot combination after all)
Anyhoo:

"In a sitcom/
Eating a whopper/
I won't be another happy shopper."

****ing terrible.

And having mentioned crusties, a token "**** You" to the Levellers for everything they have ever produced.

[anephric]

She was a good witch
She was a bad witch
But all I really wanted
Was a mother****in' sandwich.

Ugly Kid Joe, Sandwich.

Spinal Tap. Two words. "**** Sandwich".

[Ady]

The masters of 'Me-too' alt-rock from the early 90s Stone Temple Pilots had some stinkers from what I remember. Example:

I am smelling like the roses somebody gave me on my birthday deathbed,
I am smelling like the roses somebody gave me, 'cuz I'm dead and bloated

I think they were trying to be opaque and obscure there, as that was, like the thing to do at the time, maaan. Instead, their lyrics ended up sounding contrived and pretentious (on a good day, that is).

They even had the nerve to blatantly rip off Soundgarden's 'Big Dumb Sex' with a song called 'Sex Type Thing' (which also had really bad lyrics).

What a terrible band they were.

[Ady]

She was a good witch
She was a bad witch
But all I really wanted
Was a mother****in' sandwich.

Ugly Kid Joe, Sandwich.

I remember that!

I think they were taking the piss though, so I can forgive that. What is unforgivable is a bunch of Fisher Price, one hit wonder hair rockers trying to go all Rage Against the Machine...

And having mentioned crusties, a token "**** You" to the Levellers for everything they have ever produced.

If it wasn't for the obvious, I'd be shaking your hand right about now.

Remind me to buy you a beer if we ever meet in person!

[anephric]

For ****e STP, nothing beats Plush.

Where you going for tomorrow?
Where you going with that mask I found?
And I feel, and I feeeeeeeel
When the dogs begin to smell her,
Will she stand alone?

Jesus, if she's got packs of dogs following her around because of her crack-whore stench (perhaps a Scott Weiland speciality), what the **** are you doing with her man? >_<