Bad lyrics

[Wild_Cat]

Mmh... Interesting.

But none of what you've quoted so far (well, Spinal Tap aside -- they don't count) rivals the Italian masters of cheese metal, Rhapsody. Their music is good, but the words... Well, it's like they tried to invent the most clich?d, unoriginal, laughable fantasy setting possible, and started writing dead serious songs about it, it's... Difficult to explain. Lo and behold, here's the first verse and chorus of one of their songs, Holy Thunderforce (hint, it's not a song about the Megadrive):

Face me evil bastard, smell the hate of angels
Glory, pride and bloodshed
Cowards and beholders, rapers of my wisdom
mix of dust and bones
Go back to your abyss, Algalord will not fall
but your heads will soon roll
Test the blade of heroes, fury of the thunder
hit my golden shield

So we'll fight against the wind for the glory of the kings
to defeat the evil enemies
And we'll ride with our lord for the power and the throne
in the name of holy thunderforce

And you ain't seen nothing 'till you've seen the video for this one. Well, any of their videos, to be fair -- they have one that's basically a close shot of a naked girl dancing while rubbing a (obvious replica) sacrificial dagger against her body.

[Jay]

'defeating ni**as like Segal Steven' - Canibus (Beasts From The East)

First up, that's one of the laziest similies ever. Secondly, don't switch somebody's forename and surname just so your next line can rhyme.

'ayo we light a candle, run laps around the English channel, Neptunes I've got a cocker spaniel' - Nore (Superthug)

Uh huh. Any cats? Guinea pigs?

'marijuana's been known for curing mutiple sclerosis' - Phi Life Cypher (Herbaholics)

Does the medical world know about this? Why is this information only available on a limited print UK hip-hop album?

'All summer, they're bumping the KRS One-ah' - KRS One (Ghetto Lifestyles)

It'sa me! a-Mario!



Jay

[Nisa]

You can't have a bad lyrics thread without something from the "kings of metal" Manowar, witness such gems as:

"We wear leather, we wear spikes, we rule the night." - Gloves of Metal

and

"Heavy Metal, or no metal at all, wimps & posers, I said leave the hall" - Metal Warriors

[Silvergun X]

Anything by Scooter.

"Respect to the man, in the ice-cream van!"

"It's not a bird, it's not a plane, it must be dave who's on the train!"

[Wild_Cat]

You can't have a bad lyrics thread without something from the "kings of metal" Manowar, witness such gems as:

"We wear leather, we wear spikes, we rule the night." - Gloves of Metal

and

"Heavy Metal, or no metal at all, wimps & posers, I said leave the hall" - Metal Warriors

Oh Ghost, I had forgotten about them. Yeah, you're right. Screw Rhapsody, Manowar is where it's at. They'll make your ears *bleed*.

And your eyes, too. They are the guys who, during their concerts, enter the stage stage in full plate armor, carrying claymores and hollering "we are the gods of metal!!!!". And just when you think things can't get any lower... They start singing.

The gods made heavy metal and they saw that is was good
They said to play it louder than Hell
We promised that we would
When losers say it's over with you know that it's a lie
The gods made heavy metal and it's never gonna die

[anephric]

Death To False Metal!!!111

[anephric]

My favourite Manowar lyric:

"And that bike out in the yard, well that's my wife..."

Jesus, that must hurt, man! There must be a permanently sore ring of soot around the base of your cock...

[Ady]

RATTLE HEAD
A DOSE OF METAL YOU NEED
TO BANG YOUR HEAD TIL YOU BLEED
IT'S TIME FOR SNAPPING SOME NECK
SLASHING, THRASHING TO MEGADETH

Nothing beats a bit of self-referrentialism, eh?

From the same song...

THERE'S SOMEONE BACK IN THE SHADOWS
YOU FEEL THOUGH YOU CAN'T SEE HIS EYES
HE'LL BASH YOUR HEAD IF YOU CROSS HIM
AIN'T QUITE YOUR AVERAGE GUY

Ooh, he'll "bash my head" will he? I'm soo scared...!

And I'm really surprised the attrocious genius of Pharrell Willams' lyricism hasn't been mentioned. I was going to pick out some lines, but the whole song contains bad lyrics:

[2X]
****in' posers
It's almost over now
It's almost over now
Yeah

[Verse]
You think the way you live is okay
You think posing will save your day
You think we don't see that you're running
Better call your boys cause I'm coming

[Chorus]
You can't be me, I'm a Rock Star
I'm rhyming on the top of a cop car
I'm a rebel and my .44 pops far
IT'S ALMOST OVER NOW IT'S ALMOST OVER NOW
Guess, you ain't heard that we swallow guys
It's too damn late ,to apologize
When you see the mantle or when you see the skies
IT'S ALMOST OVER NOW IT'S ALMOST OVER NOW

[Verse]
You think that you don't have to ever quit
You think that you can get away with it
You think the light won't be ever lit
It's almost over now, almost over now
Something's on your chest better get it off
There'll be no one left when we set it off
We ain't gonna take it no more
Since it's almost over now, almost over now

You have to plenty of time, there was no rush
But it was your dream to be like us
You're in dreamland so you don't care
And as you wake I'm standing there

[Chorus]

[Verse]
You don't succeed cause you hesitate
You think we're fly, but we levitate
Just be yourself, don't ask us why
Cause if you don't, we'll make you cry

They swallow guys, you know.

Baseball bats (Baseball bats)
I got somethin' for that ( I got somethin' for that)
It goes bla ka ka kat (You know what that is)
So I dare a mother****er to come in my face

That one always made me laugh. The third line is probably one of the laziest attempts at a rhyme ever.

Also, there seems to be some kind of homoerotic subtext running through their lyrics, what wwith all the guy swallowing and coming in peole's faces...

[anephric]

I love Lap Dance. The whole song cracks me up... "cock pit" and all.

I've also had people walk away from me in disgust in clubs when I scream "She's shexxxy!" at the top of my faux-castrato voice during She Wants to Move.

[icarus0]

Anything by Scooter.

"Respect to the man, in the ice-cream van!"

"It's not a bird, it's not a plane, it must be dave who's on the train!"

Scooter are class:

"Siberia - the place to be!"

[endo]

Baseball bats (Baseball bats)
I got somethin' for that ( I got somethin' for that)
It goes bla ka ka kat (You know what that is)
So I dare a mother****er to come in my face

That's class. Gay faux-gangsterism. He's just blown any kind of hardman credibility he may have had with that last line, "Step up fool, and cough your yop in my face". And you're right- that third line is bloody atrocious. Anyone ever heard any gun that makes that noise?

[anephric]

Pharrell's so obviously camp, though. Him teaming up with Snoop constantly is just like some untouchable partnership of camp hip hop.

[anephric]

My personal worst lyric of all time is in Come by Prince when he goes...

"Schllllurrrrrppppppppppp"

in faux cunnilingus.

[Baseley09]

Dsetiny's Child - Survivor

"!You know I'm not gon diss you on the internet
Cause my mama taught me better than that"

ahhhhhhhh

[Lebowski]

anything by weatus is just plain bad

but truffles is proabbly the worst idea for a song ever its just far to random.

You, you think yer such a bad ass
You think yer such a rough neck
Well I saw you outside eating truffles with yer mom on the patio
I think it's really sad though and tell yer girl ta quit buggin' me
'Cause I saw her outside suckin' d**k
In the bathroom of the bus of the Iron Maiden cover band;

[Chorus]
When your pencil neck breaks, when your bird chest caves in . . .
I'm gonna win
When your pencil neck breaks, when your bird chest caves in . . .
I'm gonna win

wtf??????