The Relationship Thread-Good, Bad or Indifferent.

[Lyris]

When you meet a woman you like (or in my day, being an older biffer) generally you already have an idea of what she's like before asking her out. A 'gold digger' would be more than obvious to any man with half a brain before it would even get to that stage. I have the odd read through this thread out of morbid fascination. Unfortunately, a lot of what is written is often so pant-wettingly paranoid and insecure that I'm shocked some people can even step out their front door in the morning. All I see is bitch this, bitch that, blah, blah blah. Often for the most inconsequential of things, and from a bunch of supposedly grown men it reads more like teenage angst. And we refer to women as the weaker sex.

Well, there's no smoke without fire.

There's nothing angsty or paranoid about being annoyed at people (in this case, women) acting like they should have everything they consume paid for by a man simply because of his sex. That's just obnoxious, and sexist to boot.

And we refer to women as the weaker sex.

Hmm, speak for yourself - as you can probably tell, I'm into the idea of gender equality (actual gender equality, that is).

[Colin]

My other half expects nothing, and is possibly one of the most unmaterialistic people I know. That doesn't stop me doing nice things for her, regardless of whether it's a gesture or something that costs money. This is because I am the person I am, not due to any influence of society in general. And that's past, present or future. Sexual equality is not an issue within my relationship, but maybe I cope with day to day life in a different way from some.

[speedlolita]

My girlfriend spoils me, does that make me a girl?

[Lyris]

My other half expects nothing, and is possibly one of the most unmaterialistic people I know. That doesn't stop me doing nice things for her, regardless of whether it's a gesture or something that costs money. This is because I am the person I am, not due to any influence of society in general. And that's past, present or future. Sexual equality is not an issue within my relationship, but maybe I cope with day to day life in a different way from some.

Glad to hear it. I have no problem buying things for people who are close to me by any means. I just don't want it to be expected because of my sex.

[Neil]

My girlfriend spoils me, does that make me a girl?

Yeah of course.

[Neil]

I like to spoil myself too am I gay?

[Colin]

My girlfriend spoils me, does that make me a girl?

We already know you're a lesbian.

Glad to hear it. I have no problem buying things for people who are close to me by any means. I just don't want it to be expected because of my sex.

If anyone chooses to date someone who expects such things, that's their poor choice. Doesn't change my opinion that taking money off vouchers on a presumably romantic first date is also a poor choice.

[elaniel]

It's all good. You have your opinion on a first date, I have mine. Neither's wrong, it's just what each of us believe. *man-hug*

It was honestly the fact of how she acted in regards to money that bothered me. Especially considering she asked if I wanted to go to dinner sometime.

I have no problem treating a girl to something special at times I like or am in a relationship with, but the way she was is someone I do not want to be associated with.

[Lyris]

Doesn't change my opinion that taking money off vouchers on a presumably romantic first date is also a poor choice.

How come, though? What's the logical reason; why would you pay more than was necessary? Surely the quality of the meal is what matters, not what it cost.

[Colin]

Personally I'd say it's the whole evening that matters, and taking vouchers lacks a bit of class in my book. As Elaniel accepts himself, my opinion differs from his on how we like to conduct ourselves on a date. It's actually been a little talking point in my house this afternoon, and everyone has said it probably wasn't a great choice. That's not to say Elaniel's a bad guy, it's just not something I'd do.

[averybluemonkey]

I'm totally with Ikobo on this one. The problem wasn't the money here but the way it reflected on your attitude towards her and this date. Its more than likely that if you'd gone to a cheaper restaurant and paid full price she wouldn't have minded at all.

Most women put a lot of effort into trying to be appealing to their dates, spending a long time choosing the perfect outfit and getting ready. They like to think you put some thought into things yourself, thereby showing that you think they are special and want them to feel appreciated. They will like to think you spent time picking out the perfect place, choosing somewhere shell like. When you pull out that voucher it shows you didn't put any effort in, instead of making her feel special, that you value the chance to start a relationship together it looks as though you just thought the evening was a good deal.

There's a big difference between being fake on a first date and just making an effort. In her head she's thinking if he's like this on a first date will he ever let go and enjoy life or will he penny pinch every anniversary and special occassion. Most women don't expect it all the time but a first date is definitely one of those times when you should be trying to make her feel like she's the one you want to be with, rather than a disposable date, someone you spent some time with.

[averybluemonkey]

How come, though? What's the logical reason; why would you pay more than was necessary? Surely the quality of the meal is what matters, not what it cost.

Its the thought that matters and the gesture, not the materialism.

[elaniel]

Looks like I started a strong debate. If that's the case, just make sure no one takes pot shots at each other over this. Everyone has their own opinion on how to conduct themselves and what should be done on a first date.

[averybluemonkey]

Didnt mean it as a criticism of you, just in response to all the people automatically jumping to the conclusion she's a golddigger.

[teddymeow]

Coo!!

I've gone and met someone. Or rather, started seeing someone romntically who I have been friends with for a few months.

We get on so well, we both enjoy mooching about and spending time together without feeling any pressure to try and impress each other.

The good thing is that we got to know each other during my lowest point during the divorce so she has seen me at my most vulnerable. I've been really positive over the last 6 weeks or so and wake up feeling happy and looking forward to tackling the day. She makes me really happy.

She was an aquaintance of the ex but that's kind of ended now the ex has found out we're together!!