The Banter Thread / Banter Topic / Sean Bean

[Yoshimax]

My Granny died this morning at 3am

If that wasn't bad enough my Mum&Dad were staying with us as they intended to travel through and see her today so I had the honour of handing the phone to my Mum for her to be informed what had happened.

It wasn't out the blue or anything she was 86 and had a good innings - But I knew my Mum wouldn't take it well (as it was she did better than I expected).

As a result I'm off today in case they need me to drive through and help with anything in her flat.

That's me all out of Grandparents

Bye Granny !









(apologies for emo **** but I wasn't starting a thread about this)

[VR46]

Sad news mate, lost two of my grandparents last year, sad times. Now down to just one myself. 86 is, like you say a good innings.

[EJG1980]

Sorry to hear about that mate. I'm in the no grandparents left club as well. Lost all mine by the time I was 19, which is a bit early I guess! Last to go was my Gran on my Mums side, died in her 60s from lung cancer in 1998. 86 isn't a bad innings though, hope I manage to last that long

[dataDave]

Ah man, I hate hearing about grandparents passing away. My grandad is still fighting fit at near 88 but as he says himself it's up to the big man 'up there' whenever he wants him back.

I wouldn't be able to help tidy out his flat when the time comes. That takes a heart of steel.

I need to start taking my grandad out more and generally put more effort into spending more time with him as I never see him much after moving out.

[Crisp_Rapper]

condolences yoshi, it's never a good time for a loved one to pass away. i ran out of grandparents aged 13 i think, bit rubbish really my family.

[gunrock]

Condolences, Yoshimax. I lost my last grandparent 19 years ago and I still miss him.

[Wools]

My Granny died this morning at 3am

Bye Granny !

Sorry to hear that Yoshi.

I know how much losing your Grandparents can feel, my condolances to you and your family.

[VR46]

Didn't know where to post this, so here it is.

Keane are releasing their latest single on USB stick via Amazon for ?3.99

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Bad-Dream-Usb-Memory-Stick/dp/B000M2E2QE/sr=11-1/qid=1168358208/ref=sr_11_1/026-9426523-3742864

Guess this way they (well the record company) get more money than they would from a download via iTunes and the like.

EDIT: friend has just informed me they did this with their last single also.

[HaHaUK]

http://www.zwire.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=17651400&BRD=1710&PAG=461&dept_id=99784&rfi=6

A college student who mistakenly submitted a compact disc loaded with child pornography images to his professor last week is now facing felony kiddie porn possession charges.

Police reports quote an e-mail Erickson sent to his professor, in which he appears to attempt to shift ownership of the disc from himself to an unnamed friend.

"Oh snap, I am sorry. I accidentally gave you my friend's mixed music CD that I meant to keep here and install the music on my computer," Erickson said in an e-mail to his professor. "I found the CD with the (final exam) on it. If there's some way I could send it to you, that would be great.

"I am sorry about that, and hope it didn't affect the grade at all. Again, if I could get that CD back so that I can install the music. Sorry for the mix up."

Oh, snap indeed

[VR46]

Two contenders for worst joke of the year already.

The Three Little Pigs

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.

"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.

"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.

"I want a cheesecake," said the second piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy,"

But why have you only ordered beer all evening?"

You're gonna LOVE me for this....

The third piggy says -

"Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!

Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called 'Yam.'
Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

Yam said not to worry; no spud would not get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise but just the right amount so as not to get skinny like her Shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for those hard-boiled guys from Ireland. And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. And when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Cambridge P.U. (that's Potato University ) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.

But in spite of all they did for her, one day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry John Motson.

John Motson! Exclaimed Mr. and Mrs. Potato - they were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry John Motson because he's just a common tater.

[HaHaUK]

[VR46]

Quality, has he never heard of "right click and save as ?"

[VR46]

Create your own South Park characters

http://www.sp-studio.de/

[Pavey]

Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white Robe.

"Who the hell are you?" demanded Dave, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?" The mysterious man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter." Dave was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family. . .
You've got to send me back straight away."

St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house,he asked to be sent back as a hen.
A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?" "It's not so bad" replies Dave, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode."
"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before." "Never" replies Dave ."Well just relax and let it
happen"

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him . . . Ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting...

"Dave, wake up you drunken bastard, you've **** the bed.

[eastyy]

just something i found amusing

my dad was on the phone for about 20 min

i asked who he was speaking to he said "it was a wrong number"