The Banter Thread / Banter Topic / Sean Bean

[Resonance]

Man has 13.5inch penis - http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,5...10734,,00.html

I might buy a psp just to view this page so that I feel good about myself.

[VR46]

spot the baby in pic one, plus couple of almost funny ones for your possible enjoyment.

[marcus]

Why, Why, Why

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping trolley then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVOURITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

[The Cobra]

Got up for my 9am lecture, only to find we don't have it. Gash.

Told the girl that i'm pretty much in love with how much I liked her monday night, I may bump into her at my 10am lecture. Wish me luck.

[Kieran76]

Hope you've cleaned your teeth.

[112]

Right ima attempt to answer these cos im very bored at the mo'

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

- Because we get satisfaction from pressing harder and sometimes believe it or not the button can get stuck.

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

- Cos they are robbing bastards and will come up with anything to get more money out of you!

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

- Cos they can easily lean over at the painted wall and see where as you could never count a billion stars and not lose count.

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

- Cos its made of a laminated plastic which glue runs off, kind of like oil and water, they dont mix.

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

- Because the person handling the needles could accidently prick themselves and its more sanitary for all partys involved.

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

- Got me there! Maybe because he looks more sellable from a market viewpoint.

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

- I have never seen a revolver thrown at him, interesting if this happened though.

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

- To disguise them selves from the enemy as he flys into enemy territory. Also, if they are in a dog fight, they wanna at least make it to their target before they die.

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

- No one knows, the word when said by a person with a lisp becomes an example, as they struggle before you.

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

- They have not evolved clearly.

Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

- the colour dissolves into the water and the bubbles are a result of the mixing of water and chemicals. Kinda like **** is brown, it jus is!

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

- Everyone needs a good bed and a good kip equals a happier you, they are clearly looking after your well being. Be greaftful!

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

- You forget and like the idea of what lurks behind all the rotting veg hoping to find somat you did not see before. Its kinda like recieving a text message and wondering who it is. Suprises, are what makes a gift special!

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

- Its the boggy situation, where you pick a massive crow out yah nose examine it and then toss it away. Kinda like this, you wanna say good bye to the piece of string knowing it aint comin back when the vacum cleaner gets it. The fact that it didnt get it the first time makes you even more curious as to why the fecker is still around, after Mr ?300 Dyson did not sweep it up.

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

- Its jus dumb luck really if you get it open the first time you forget it as you move on to filling the bag up, but struggling to open it takes more time in your precious life hence you recall it more in yah mind, thats why you remember it. Like when you do something infuriating, you remember it cos it pissed you off. Evoking such an emotion is often memorable.

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

- Never seen this but bugs tend to like dark places and thats why you find them in areas you hardly look in.

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping trolley then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

- Because we are brought up to be polite and the persondidnt intend to hurt you (you assume) and want to keep the peace with your fellow man so you dont get arrested or in trouble. Its a primary instinct which you learn as you grow up as a child.

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

- mainly because something is in the way and your whole focuss is shifted to the falling object, you disreguard everything else in the vicinity. Like when you see a hot girl and all your attention is foccussed on her in a room.

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

- We are warm blooded creatures and seek warmth. Also heat escapes into the atmosphere, hence blasting the heater.

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

- Because its more personal to pick on a mother figure as woman are revered as more polite and gentle creatures who are maturer than man. Well back in the old days they were but these day............... well you get the picture. Besides a man can take a joke where as woman take things on a more emotional and serious level; hormones yah see.

And my FAVOURITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

- Well we all have mental issues and we jus live with them as we go on, some people handle situations different to others, hence, a person breaking down over spilt milk but others dont. Luck of the draw, and your experiences in life shaping how strong and weak you are in different areas of mental health.

I hope that has answered ya questions mate, any more, let me know!

112

[Dirty Sanchez]

Got up for my 9am lecture, only to find we don't have it. Gash.

Told the girl that i'm pretty much in love with how much I liked her monday night, I may bump into her at my 10am lecture. Wish me luck.

Can hardly wait for the saga of your next big love..............

[spagmasterswift]

Right ima attempt to answer these cos im very bored at the mo'

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

- Because we get satisfaction from pressing harder and sometimes believe it or not the button can get stuck.

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

- Cos they are robbing bastards and will come up with anything to get more money out of you!

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

- Cos they can easily lean over at the painted wall and see where as you could never count a billion stars and not lose count.

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

- Cos its made of a laminated plastic which glue runs off, kind of like oil and water, they dont mix.

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

- Because the person handling the needles could accidently prick themselves and its more sanitary for all partys involved.

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

- Got me there! Maybe because he looks more sellable from a market viewpoint.

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

- I have never seen a revolver thrown at him, interesting if this happened though.

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

- To disguise them selves from the enemy as he flys into enemy territory. Also, if they are in a dog fight, they wanna at least make it to their target before they die.

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

- No one knows, the word when said by a person with a lisp becomes an example, as they struggle before you.

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

- They have not evolved clearly.

Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

- the colour dissolves into the water and the bubbles are a result of the mixing of water and chemicals. Kinda like **** is brown, it jus is!

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

- Everyone needs a good bed and a good kip equals a happier you, they are clearly looking after your well being. Be greaftful!

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

- You forget and like the idea of what lurks behind all the rotting veg hoping to find somat you did not see before. Its kinda like recieving a text message and wondering who it is. Suprises, are what makes a gift special!

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

- Its the boggy situation, where you pick a massive crow out yah nose examine it and then toss it away. Kinda like this, you wanna say good bye to the piece of string knowing it aint comin back when the vacum cleaner gets it. The fact that it didnt get it the first time makes you even more curious as to why the fecker is still around, after Mr ?300 Dyson did not sweep it up.

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

- Its jus dumb luck really if you get it open the first time you forget it as you move on to filling the bag up, but struggling to open it takes more time in your precious life hence you recall it more in yah mind, thats why you remember it. Like when you do something infuriating, you remember it cos it pissed you off. Evoking such an emotion is often memorable.

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

- Never seen this but bugs tend to like dark places and thats why you find them in areas you hardly look in.

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping trolley then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

- Because we are brought up to be polite and the persondidnt intend to hurt you (you assume) and want to keep the peace with your fellow man so you dont get arrested or in trouble. Its a primary instinct which you learn as you grow up as a child.

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

- mainly because something is in the way and your whole focuss is shifted to the falling object, you disreguard everything else in the vicinity. Like when you see a hot girl and all your attention is foccussed on her in a room.

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

- We are warm blooded creatures and seek warmth. Also heat escapes into the atmosphere, hence blasting the heater.

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

- Because its more personal to pick on a mother figure as woman are revered as more polite and gentle creatures who are maturer than man. Well back in the old days they were but these day............... well you get the picture. Besides a man can take a joke where as woman take things on a more emotional and serious level; hormones yah see.

And my FAVOURITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

- Well we all have mental issues and we jus live with them as we go on, some people handle situations different to others, hence, a person breaking down over spilt milk but others dont. Luck of the draw, and your experiences in life shaping how strong and weak you are in different areas of mental health.

I hope that has answered ya questions mate, any more, let me know!

112

I bet your fun at parties... Although in fairness all of those questions should have been followed by a funky slap bass sound Ba doop doop doink!

[HaHaUK]

I bet your fun at parties...

[VR46]

Got this this morning, next they'll be asking for my bank details, scam-tastic ?

Hello! This letter doesn't contain Spam ( E-mail deliveries are available on the territory of our country) Your address is taken from the open sources. Please, spare some time for the reading of this information. It may be very useful for you.
Web Click Company is a Lithuanian company, dealing with the software elaboration, web-design and internet commercials. WC appeared five years ago and now it is considered to be the one of the leaders among IT- service providers in Internet. The Company is constantly widening the areas of its service. Nowadays it collaborates with
the USA and Europe and many other countries. This brings us some difficulties, since our main office is situated
in Lithuania. So if you live in the USA or Europe, you might become our finance manager. You are supposed to do managing and to work with our clients' financial operations. This work is not difficult and may take few hours a day, so you will be able to combine it with your principal job, having an extra income.

Requirements to the employee:

Age: from 18 to 60
Living in the USA or Europe
Communicativeness and activeness

Even if You are not sure, that this job is the one you really need, but you got interested in our offer, write us a letter, containing next information, please:

- Full name
- Country
- E-mail
- Other means of communication with You (if available)


Our e-mail address: [email protected] Managers of our company will come in contact with You as soon as possible

Attention !
Don't answer this letter, please.
Please write only on this address: [email protected]

Sorry for causing a disturb, thank you for your attention.
Yours sincerely WebClick.

[112]

Absolutley Spag! Im the life of many! lol!

You're jus jealous cos im so knowledgable and have nothing to do lol!

Arent you off to NY yet spag?

Oh and hasan hadi whats the deal with yet another name chnage? you trying to confuse us all?

112

[Spatial]

Can hardly wait for the saga of your next big love..............

Please, let's not go back there again

[HaHaUK]

Oh and hasan hadi whats the deal with yet another name chnage? you trying to confuse us all?

112

This is the last one.

[marcus]

Are you feeling cold at the moment? Spare a thought for those poor souls living in Siberia at the moment, where temperatures dropped to -60C today.

[thebuddahman]

I'm about to post a copy of Bangai-o to someone named Gary Barlow.

Seriously.