The Banter Thread / Banter Topic / Sean Bean

[Big Seany]

My birthday doesn't seem to want to end - last night an old mate came by the office with a present for me in a long cardboard box. He had already given me a lush hardback edition of The Art of War but had contact some of my work mates and got them to chip in on a Samurai Sword. Its a beautiful object but not something I thought I'd ever own o_O Its got two throwing knives in the hilt too >_<

Nice. Working in mental health as I do, the samurai sword is also a firm favourite as melee weapon of choice whenever someone becomes psychotic and decides to rampage through town centre/council estate/etc. Axe runs it a close second.

[forpey]

I find it pretty ****ing offensive that you can buy samuri swords, regardless of whether they have an edge or not.

[simoran1]

my personal favourite: -

Cigar Smokers

To a man all overbearing insecure twats who like to think that by sucking on something that looks like Linford Christie's cock and costs the huge sum of ?5, somehow all the other tiny cocked wankers around them will confuse them with somebody of power rather than a jumped up market trader.

Listen ****, when you go home and try and kiss your wife and she turns her face away from your fetid breath she is remembering how much sweeter my cock tastes while you're telling paki jokes at the golf club

[spagmasterswift]

Nice. Working in mental health as I do, the samurai sword is also a firm favourite as melee weapon of choice whenever someone becomes psychotic and decides to rampage through town centre/council estate/etc. Axe runs it a close second.

What are you trying to say Seany?

I was a little concerned about having it in the house, but then the kitchen is full of large knives...its kind of like being given a gun though, I mean when will I ever be able to use the thing? Fish and a bicycle sprang to mind.

Its currently stood up around the back of my Cabinet so only the handle can be seen. I shall no doubt get a stand for it once I move to a larger place, although I have always thought of weapons on display as rather tacky.

Nice thought though...

[muse hunter]

heres a few more i liked

Being Ugly - Whilst out at a nightclub I was lucky enough to get talking to a stunning looking girl. I admit she was a little drunk but nevertheless she seemed level headed. I managed to get her number and went on to call her a few days later. She requested that I send a picture of myself to her phone... haven't heard from her since.


Batman - Always carrying an unconscious young woman from a burning building.
Pyromaniacal, date raping ****.

Bottled Water - 90p for a bottle of water? Yes sure here you are. While you're robbing me blind why don't you **** my sister, **** in my bed and take my car.

[marcus]

Modern women

[buster_broon]

i know i harp on about this alot

but last night there was a programme on BBC 1 called shipmates

which looks like a 5 part series, last night was part 3 which followed a CPO physical instructor during her time doing the Field gun tournament last year

its probably the best way to see what i gibber on about

try and download it and watch it - last nights episode was fantastic

best time we got was 1:19.3

[VR46]

>Drunk People...........
>
>
>
> A man and his wife are awakened, at 3 o'clock in the
> morning by a loud pounding on the door.
>
> The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken
> stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for
> a push.
>
> "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in
> the morning!
>
> He slams the door and returns to bed.
>
> "Who was that?" asked his wife.
>
> "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
>
> "Did you help him?" she asks.
>
> "No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and it
> is pouring out there!"
>
> "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.
>
> "Can't you remember, about three months ago when we
> broke down, and those two guys helped us?
>
> I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed
> of yourself!"
>
> The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out
> into the pounding rain.
>
> He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still
> there?"
>
> "Yes" comes back the answer.
>
> "Do you still need a push?", calls out the husband.
>
> "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
>
> "Where are you?" asks the husband.
>
> "Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.

Celebrity Big Brother attachment:

[VR46]

where can I buy one of these ?

[Crisp_Rapper]

wow, if that thing could make dominos/pizza hut pizzas then i'd be all over that. i'm feeling hungry now.

[Emir]

A pizza in 90 seconds! I need it now!

[Crisp_Rapper]

i'd be the size of that machine before long...

[VR46]

At home we currently have no gas, there was a problem with the water supply yesterday, turns out that a water pipe has burst, breaking a gas pipe, which is now flooded with water, no gas for approx 72 hours, great, no heating and no hot water ? but Transco did give us two plug in portable heaters when I said I had two kids, great eh why can?t these things happen in the summer.

Still take a look at this picture of Amber from Footballers Wives, story goes that she pissed off the photographer so much he emailed his mates the original and touched up photo.

[Resonance]

My goodness!

[HaHaUK]

She seems to be pissing her self on the left.