The Banter Thread / Banter Topic / Sean Bean

[112]

FFS! i jus like to say that having got rid of a massive zit on me nose its left a re mark! not only that! a new zit has appeard on the tip of me nose as a result! GRRR............

Anyways, did you know your body is proportionate to itself? ie the fore arm from yah wrist to yah elbow is the size of yah foot? your fist is the shape of yah heart. Also when you pop yah clogs, your ears, nose,hair still grow for a lil while longer. Oh and if you sevre yah head from yah body you can still see apparently for the next min or so.

Bizzare!

112

[VR46]

Thanks for that.

Short vid of guy's naked backside being dragged over sandpaper, why oh why.

http://s54.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=3V1B2JQVLLJEE02Y47CGIIU3ND

[VR46]

Saddam's on hunger strike, he's upset about the way he is being treated, tough.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/4711188.stm

[HaHaUK]

Just passed my driving test. Well chuffed.

[VR46]

well done, first time ?

[marcus]

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way.
Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!


Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. ..


Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"

[HaHaUK]

well done, first time ?

Second time, but first failure was such a stupid mistake right at the end as well

[djjimbob]

Can't be arsed to check if this has been posted already but it is one of the funniest vids I have seen in a long time. Safe for work too:

http://www.youtube.com/w/Chad-getting-his-step-son-Justice-with-the-scary-maze?v=kKGxaol4qws

[VR46]

An Englishman is having breakfast one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Englishman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Frenchman: "You English folk eat the whole bread??"

Englishman (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Britain." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

The Englishman listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jam with the bread??"

Englishman: "Of Course."

Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling).

"We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to Britain."

After a moment of silence, The Englishman then asks: "Do you have sex in France?"

Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.

Englishman: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."

Englishman: "We don't. In Britain, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into
bubble-gum and sell them to France."

[yosai]

pwned thfh...

edit, damn already posted.

[HaHaUK]

That video has truly made my day. What a sissyboy! Can't stop laughing at him

[rossman]

No more work for me today then

http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/play_uk.php?id=749358

keep em coming

ross

[rossman]

heehe i can't stop making them

http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/play_uk.php?id=749596

[kernow]

I didn't click the link as it dont work on my pc, but your avatar rocks

by the way I thought by the topic title you'd been sacked from work or something, hah

[VR46]

Do you drive like a girl ? (use cursor keys)

http://go-red.co.uk/game/cargame_v8_red.swf

Attached pic is contender for haircut of the year