Little things that irk you.. (no swearing please)

[EDDIE M0NS00N]

I remember waiting in the school dinner queue, which used to go all the way outside the cafeteria & into the yard. Some mental kid in my bro's class turned up, spotted this huuuuge dog ****e, then started jumping around in it. It all ended when he started picking handfuls of this soft ****e up & running up to the queue, which as you can imagine dissappeared in a flash

[Decider-VT]

A couple of years ago somebody at work completely covered the inside of a toilet cubicle in excrement. I didn't see it for myself (thankfully) but word had it that it covered almost every inch of the inside of the cubicle and must've taken ages to do. We got an hilariously stern letter from our manager about the actions of a "deranged, disgruntled individual" in our midst.

Nobody ever forgot "Brown Tuesday".

[Kieran76]

A few years ago I went on a short holiday to a lake just north of Milan. One day we took a boat over to the town of Stressa, before I got on the boat I nipped into the toilet to see it covered all over in ****, sprayed on the walls the lot. A couple of years later we go back as the place was lovely, apart from that bog, and took a boat trip over to Stressa again. This time I visit the toilet in Stressa station to see a similiar sight. It appears that the phantom poo flinger had never been caught.

[Brad]

I think this guy gets around. I was in Tenerife ages ago and the inside of the toilet had an interesting ****e decor. I called my mate in to see and we concluded that the only way it could have got into such a state was if a man with projectile diarrhoea had laid on a swivel bar stool on his stomach, had a friend spin him around really fast and then quickly closed the door before going for it.

[EDDIE M0NS00N]

Pah! Happens all the time in hospital. Its usually some miserable old hag who doesnt get her own way so she smears the toilets including the walls with her ****e, then walks out with it still running from her legs to find a 'clean' toilet

[randombs]

I was at a pub recently and I used the piss from the toilet seat to clean the **** marks off it.

[EDDIE M0NS00N]

I was at a pub recently and I used the piss from the toilet seat to clean the **** marks off it.

Why didnt you just use your own piss?

Ah I see. Story wouldnt have been so impressive if you'd used your own piss

[randombs]

haha pretty much

[prinnysquad]

I once went into a toilet cubicle and found that someone had curled a fat swiss roll chod on the top of the cistern.

With its brown crown, it was otterbox royalty. The dirty bast must have stood on the seat to squat up there.

One mong I once knew - and this is totally true - went for a ****e while I was round his house playing on the NES. He came downstairs about 5 minutes later and placed an object on top of the fireplace. I asked what it was, and he replied that it was Dave, his pet ****. It turned out that he'd cupped a layer of toilet paper in his hand, shat into it, and wrapped it up like a newborn infant.

[Dogg Thang]

I love swiss roll!

[EDDIE M0NS00N]

I love a Christmas log

............sometimes up to 4 on Christmas day

[Spatial]

One mong I once knew - and this is totally true - went for a ****e while I was round his house playing on the NES. He came downstairs about 5 minutes later and placed an object on top of the fireplace. I asked what it was, and he replied that it was Dave, his pet ****. It turned out that he'd cupped a layer of toilet paper in his hand, shat into it, and wrapped it up like a newborn infant.

Has Paulos grown out of this filthy habit yet?

I hope so for the Vicars sake....

[EDDIE M0NS00N]

One mong I once knew - and this is totally true - went for a ****e while I was round his house playing on the NES. He came downstairs about 5 minutes later and placed an object on top of the fireplace. I asked what it was, and he replied that it was Dave, his pet ****. It turned out that he'd cupped a layer of toilet paper in his hand, shat into it, and wrapped it up like a newborn infant.

Hmmm, I'm no psychiatrist, but he later decide he wanted the old todge turned outside in cos he was a woman in a mans body?


I once shat into an empty pot noodle container.
No no, I can explain.............................

[EDDIE M0NS00N]

.......................I needed a ****e really badly on the way home 1 night.
I decided to hold on to that bad boy til I get home, only to find my mum in there.
She's taking ages & even tho I told her I needed a ****e she wasnt budging.
By this point I'm sweating like a paedo in a nursery! I'm bent over slightly, heavy breathing. It really was like I was about to give birth. My arse was killing, the turtles legs & body were out, & I could feel the mucus seeping out so I had to go there n then. Spotted an empty Pot Noodle pot on the sink (my mum always washes out everything, including bloody shopping bags ffs!), dropped trou & filled it to the top!!

[kryss]

...Thank you for truly disgusting me.