Divorce proceedings have started

[buster_broon]

My wife and I have been separated since april 2010

I asked for a divorce back in September but she said she wasn't ready but i received a letter yesterday asking about information on my gratuity, state pension and pension

Financial matters and the house have already been sorted it's just those 3 things

Emailed a couple of lawyers to get an appointment, but is there anything I need to know from you guys here either from people in the business or people that have been through the same thing

Told her I wasn't interested in anything of hers and to keep it but it seems she wants what she is owed or some sort of settlement from stuff I haven't actually earned yet

Told her I was always going to sort her out and mentioned how much my gratuity was and she phoned the lawyer and asked for ?20,000 for me to keep the pensions

Obviously taking in the house on my own and fact she pretty much cleared out the house so the last two years have been hard enough paying off debts and buying furniture

Any advice would be gratefully received

[ETC]

See a financial advisor too in order to do a proper balance sheet of your ins outs
liabilities etc etc then take that to your solicitor, only go via the solicitor to talk about anything to do with settlements

[Daragon]

Forgive me if I'm reading completely the opposite here, but for all your chivalrous behavior she seems intent on taking you to the cleaners.

She's emptied the house of furniture, presumably gets 50% of it and wants ?20k from you in order for you to come away with a pension. How noble of her.

I reiterate my apologies if this is furthest from the truth, but the best advice I can offer you under such circumstances is to repay in kind. If she wants to play dirty then play dirty right back or you'll just get walked all over.

[charlesr]

Absolutely agree with Daragon. There's a chance it's her solicitor driving her to clean you out, but either way best cover your back mate, otherwise you won't have anything to cover it with shortly.

[Dazzyman]

Forgive me if I'm reading completely the opposite here, but for all your chivalrous behavior she seems intent on taking you to the cleaners.

She's emptied the house of furniture, presumably gets 50% of it and wants ?20k from you in order for you to come away with a pension. How noble of her.

I reiterate my apologies if this is furthest from the truth, but the best advice I can offer you under such circumstances is to repay in kind. If she wants to play dirty then play dirty right back or you'll just get walked all over.

Yea get a solicitor involved buddy and drag her thru all the crap!

[Solar]

I know sod all about this stuff, but can't you cash in and give it away to some one?

[Anpanman]

I'm with Daragon and Charles here, getting some professional advice would be my er...advice.

[buster_broon]

Think the reason the pension is important to her is because it's a good pension (final salary) and I get it from the day I retire

Gratuity is around ?32,000

Lawyers are driving for it but she isn't silly and as soon as I mentioned the gratuity the lawyer starting talking about settlements

I asked for a divorce in September and she said she wasn't ready but she has been seeing lawyers since February without telling me

Don't want anything from her and not going to get nasty as I want it over sooner rather than later but will offset any of my money by her pension which I reckon is crap and why she is interested in mine

Been decent I've he piste but now just want to make sure I can afford the mortgage when I leave the forces and to provide for my daughter without working every hour of the day

[Daragon]

Why is SHE getting YOUR pension? The mind boggles! I don't know too much about divorce law, but that sounds crazy if it floats.

I can understand you wanting to make sure she's provided for to an extent, but unless you're Simon Cowell on here masquerading as a video gamer then I wouldn't be too concerned about making sure she's provided for unless you can make sure you've provided comfortably for yourself first.

If you don't get nasty yourself, then the harsh fact of the matter is that you could stand to lose pretty much everything, and I'm sure that's the last thing anyone wants to happen to you.

[Brad]

It's more complicated than it being buster's pension. Anything the pair of you earn during your time together is seen as being a joint pot. If you've got kids then the argument is that you would be unable to go out and earn all that money if your wife wasn't there to look after the children etc.

In a fairly common marriage where kids are involved and the man is the main breadwinner (i think thats atilloar common scenario?) you can see how during a divorce the woman would, quite rightly, say hang on a minute. I gave up a career for this family. You didn't. I expect there are many cases where one party or other are hard done by but I doubt you can just say that's my pension I'm having all of it.

[Robster]

Broon I am sorry to hear this fella, having met you both a few years ago I am truly saddened to hear this.

Are you still local to where you were the last time we met, if you fancy a beer etc let me know. Dont let things get on top of you - always goood to get it off your chest with a few beers.

I cant offer advice on the subject in question but I hope it remains civil between you both.

[Daragon]

Well it seems like she's helping herself to everything else as well. She SHOULD be leaving SOMETHING for the poor bloke if he doesn't want to get his hands mucky.

[buster_broon]

There are no children involved - just me and her

anyway been cataloging all my games so at least i have some money to start and if anybody wants lists pm me

my loss is your gain (lol divorcee humour)

its all kinda just started 2 days ago so it might end up alright, but need advice on what to look out for and pitfalls etc

[Daragon]

Best advice - listen to your most likely highly expensive solicitor, and whatever you do, do not assume that you know what's best.

[buster_broon]

appreciate that pal and to be fair tis a true comment, will follow everything they say by the letter (at ?2 a word)