The Relationship Thread II: Lost in that Last Goodbye

[kryss]

I'm on Match.com and it's going about as well as my stint on eHarmony. As in utter ****e. I have no clue as to what I can do to improve things. I message women who I think are the best matches, few who share similar experiences and lifestyles but never get a reply. Internet dating has always felt like online shopping with a maxed out credit card - you can keep trying to buy things but it's still not going to happen.

Cliches like "everything happens for a reason" and "there's someone out there for everyone" seem to keep resonating in my brain and I want to believe them. I'm completely torn between the hopelessness of the when and the loneliness of now.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about ditching video games, they seem to be my biggest folly. Yes I realise it's the moderation I need to work on and really think I should trade in another ****load and give away a whack of Japanese stuff I can't get money for here (watch the It's For Free Blue Thread this weekend!) If I can be a little proactive in trying to change my lifestyle perhaps I can refocus.

I'm sure as **** not going back to drinking like I used to.

[Lyris]

Kryss: I'm the same on these sites. Usually we play message ping-pong for a few repeats and then nothing happens. I need to push to meet people in the flesh more. It's difficult to spark things with words.

As for ditching video games, F that S! If you enjoy it, what's the problem?

[kryss]

Thanks lyris. I gave up thinking that way when I was in uni back in the day. People will always do what they do no matter what my feelings or opinions. I've just yet to be able to do it myself. I will admit that being back on the beers will help me no end considering the girl I've been on about the last couple of days is the reason I gave up drinking 2 years back. I find out she was never really in love with her boyfriend? Are you ****ing kidding me? Don't get me wrong I wasn't wasting my life waiting for her, I was trying to date other women it just wasn't happening.

As for gaming, it's not the enjoying - it's the obsession. You all know I have a hugely obsessive personality, be it drinking, games buying or focussing on a particular woman. It's the way I am, and both a strength and a weakness. When focussed on something constructive I am (no humbleness or modesty required) amazing. I am in the top 1% of the world in terms of intelligence (yeah doesn't mean much these days considering how bastard stupid people are) but get distracted really easily. I'm gradually working down what I'm buying and what I own and I'm not going to sell something I know I'll want to play in 5 years. I just need control.

Apologies for the verbal diarrhoea, I just sank a quick beer in pre-work rebellion (employee of the month my arse)

[vanpeebles]

Tough break kid, if it wasn't for tough breaks you wouldn't get any at all.

[kryss]

"The Relationship Thread 2: Thread of Bad Advice "

LOVE IT!

[nakamura]

Don't ditch games but as you know I've always thought you buy far too much. Cutting down will feel good regardless. I feel so many games can be a weight on you.

Regarding the cliches. My mum was battered by her two husbands and generally made to feel like **** until she met my step father at 45ish. Sometimes it takes a little longer.

[kryss]

Ouch, I'm sorry to hear that Mart.

Yup, it's decided. A massive clearout begins tomorrow. NO REGRETS!!

[dvdx2]

Thanks lyris. I gave up thinking that way when I was in uni back in the day. People will always do what they do no matter what my feelings or opinions. I've just yet to be able to do it myself. I will admit that being back on the beers will help me no end considering the girl I've been on about the last couple of days is the reason I gave up drinking 2 years back. I find out she was never really in love with her boyfriend? Are you ****ing kidding me? Don't get me wrong I wasn't wasting my life waiting for her, I was trying to date other women it just wasn't happening.

As for gaming, it's not the enjoying - it's the obsession. You all know I have a hugely obsessive personality, be it drinking, games buying or focussing on a particular woman. It's the way I am, and both a strength and a weakness. When focussed on something constructive I am (no humbleness or modesty required) amazing. I am in the top 1% of the world in terms of intelligence (yeah doesn't mean much these days considering how bastard stupid people are) but get distracted really easily. I'm gradually working down what I'm buying and what I own and I'm not going to sell something I know I'll want to play in 5 years. I just need control.

Apologies for the verbal diarrhoea, I just sank a quick beer in pre-work rebellion (employee of the month my arse)

Kyrss, have you considered counselling? It really helped me. About 4 years ago i wasnt in a great place and was recovering from a 2 year ilness. I remember hammering dating sites trying to get into a relationship and it just made me worse and worse. Obsessive behaviour is easily identified by others and can push people away or in some cases actually scare people. Do you not think it would better to try to address this before, trying to get into a relationship?. You will feel better you, see clearer, be more focused, be able to handle rejection easier, and pace yourself with compulsions. (Maybe you have tried?)

Sinking into the beer and focusing all your energies into videogames (playing or buying) isnt the answer mate. Moderation is fine but i know how addictive and complusive both can be if you let them absorb you.

After 31 years of gaming (most of it fairly obsessive), i have hung up my joystick (i havent actually played a videogame in 3mths). Most of my stuff is sold, (still afair bit to go) but i'll keep a few retro nice bits and bobs to go back too, should i fancy a few credits. My priorites are now my family and my health.

[QualityChimp]

*Bookmarks Blue It's For Free thread*

Don't be too hasty, just avoid buying more stuff before you've played what you have.

Do you need to pre-order the new consoles if you're trying not to focus on games?

Or will you regret not buying at launch when you look back as you pre-order your PS5?

[Neil]

Have to say that getting rid of my gaming collection was a massive relief, it becomes an obsession and a real drain on your finances cut it right back and you'll feel much better.

Oh and speaking from experience the drinking won't help....

[nakamura]

I downsized by about 50% and it felt great. I have 400 games which is a lot still but I really enjoy. I used to obsess about my next visit to a game store and trawl eBay every day.
Now I've had a CEX voucher with cash on for weeks but nothing I want. I check ebay a couple of times a week, mainly for fun and don't buy anywhere near as much.

My relationship is fine but the gaming was getting ott. Now I only buy to play. If you are buying stuff on top of stuff you haven't played from two years ago, you have to question why you are doing it.

[kryss]

I've enjoyed the time I've spent on BF3 and am really looking forward to BF4. I've been REALLY good with Vita games (PS+ basically giving me everything for free has helped that). I've cancelled my import pre-orders for September (only 2 anyway) but all my other pre-orders stand. I'm probably not going to get rid of anything I haven't already decided to, so take a look in my sales thread and think about it. I'll probably do a 1 pound sale tbh.

[buster_broon]

think ive got around 100 games now spread over 6-7 systems, stuff I wanted to keep or stuff I felt was worth more than 50p on ebay

so for downsizing I think I sold 3000-3500 items since last april, its taken a while but definitely quicker than it took to amass it

gutted about losing some games but ive never gave them the full attention they deserved and PS+ is sorting me out unless I really really fancy something

steelbooks seem to be my new Achilles heal

[dvdx2]

I've enjoyed the time I've spent on BF3 and am really looking forward to BF4. I've been REALLY good with Vita games (PS+ basically giving me everything for free has helped that). I've cancelled my import pre-orders for September (only 2 anyway) but all my other pre-orders stand. I'm probably not going to get rid of anything I haven't already decided to, so take a look in my sales thread and think about it. I'll probably do a 1 pound sale tbh.

From what you have said on this forum, i doubt that just 'cutting down' on playing and buying videogames is really going to help you fully address the deep and complex issues you experience. (Although it is a start)

[nakamura]

Everything is always so deep and complex.