The Relationship Thread II: Lost in that Last Goodbye

[JazzFunk]

Biotch just hung up on me. Twice. I disagreed with her about summat minor in a really quite amiable manner and she went ape. I know she's sitting there waiting for an apology but two hangups means I'm playing GTAV, that phone'll be as dry as the Mojave desert at her end, lol.

[fishbowlhead]

Colourful as always Jazz. Keep the stories coming.

[QualityChimp]

This is kinda how I picture you saying that, Jazz!

[JazzFunk]

I just woke up with the stinking man-flu from hell, my sinuses feel like swollen grapes from hell, but that was funny as f*ck, I've become that dude!!!!!

It worked, anyway, full apology and subsequent multiple attempts at buttering me up, plus a full seven hours of GTAV played....she's nicer than ever now.

[randombs]

A few months ago my gf and I went for dinner with a Japanese friend and she said last Xmas she had to do a sexy Santa dance for some old man high up in her company. I started feeling sick and lost my appetite thinking how I'd feel if my gf had to do something like that. She hadn't told her bf and begged us not to because of how he'd react.

This weekend my gf told me during my birthday dinner that she and the other newbie girls have to do a Santa dance at their Xmas party and I lost my appetite for a while again. She got worried and wondered if she shouldn't have said anything but I said I don't want her to think she has to hide things even if they'll hurt/upset me.

Now, I'm not the insanely jealous type. I never want to feel like I own her, nor do I pry into any of her friendships.

If these seniors at her office had an ounce of respect for women and didn't view them as coffee makers/kawaii smile-bots, or if the girls themselves had decided to do the dance then I wouldn't mind but with everything she's told me about that place it just makes me sick and reeks of nothing more than male dominance. The regular workers there are fine, though.

Also, if the situation was reversed and I had to go onstage in a skimpy outfit at the behest of the womenfolk at my work, I'd laugh it off as a bit of fun but she has said she doesn't want to do the dance.

Bottom line is she's precious to me and it makes me angry when she's not treated with the respect she deserves, whatever the situation. I guess often times it starts like that and gets worse to the point where a person wants their partner locked safely at home but I don't want that either.

How do you guys deal with things like this? Should I chillax, smoke some weed(I wish) and deal with it or should I go all Kevin Bacon in Footloose? I'll talk to her about it this weekend just so she knows exactly what I feel. I want her to know that if I'm not happy with a situation, it doesn't mean I'm not happy with her or that I'm blaming her for anything.

[Darwock]

Welcome to Japan. My wife didn't endure that kind of sexism but she did get objects flung at her across the office while she was pregnant.

From what I have witnessed and been told by others, trying to instill our western values on a Japanese person in Japanese society is never going to work - I know of at least one person whose marriage fell apart because his wife felt he was pressuring her to be different, when the pressure from Japanese society is all about conforming and being one with the group. All he was trying to do was stop his wife from being exploited, but the stress from both sides was too much for her.

Best solution - get out of Japan. My wife is not currently working, but I don't want my daughter growing up to feel she has no free will or independence, so we are moving back when she reaches primary school age.

[randombs]

I'm not concerned about pushing my Western agenda on her because she is already not nearly Japanese enough. In high school she once argued with her Japanese teacher that kanji should be scrapped because you can do everything with hiragana. She views Japan like a foreigner, or like Neo in the Matrix, and she doesn't want to stay here either.

It's definitely a conundrum. I have no worries about her being out and about around midnight, say, whereas back in London I was a bit of a nervous wreck if she was out late. But then it seems a lot of the 'Japan is safe' feeling is due to certain crimes not being reported properly, if at all. Also the hive mind and people's complete lack of willingness to help someone in trouble freaks me out.

I know I should expect this kind of workplace misogyny but it doesn't make it easier to stomach.

[Darwock]

Drives me insane also, with the aforementioned situation my initial reaction was to go down to the office and kick the **** out of the boss who was throwing things at my family, but for my wife that would have been 100% the wrong thing to do. Thankfully it was the final straw that encouraged her to quit (which I'd been hoping for ever since the interview when the boss told her she was the perfect candidate except for the fact she was marrying a foreigner, which according to him shouldn't happen. Did I mention this was an English school?).

A lot of sexual harassment isn't even considered harassment here, it's nuts! Every woman I've had the conversation with has a story of being groped or jizzed on in a train. I'm not religious but when i see how sexually 'free' this country is I appreciate all that biblical guilt we have in our culture.

[randombs]

Yeah, I remember your posts about it.

I can't imagine what that must have been like for you, but you're right about just letting it happen. And the more I think about it, the more I think I may not even notice if I'm forcing Western ideals on her. I wasn't planning on doing anything at all, just want to let her know what I feel about it and posting on here because I got emotional. She wants to leave that company but wherever she goes there's the possibility of the same crap or even worse. And by next time she'll be a senpai so won't have to do anything like that. Another good thing is the guys there don't seem to like her. They're into kawaii/AKB-type girls and she intimidates them.

For both of us, this is our first relationship to pass the 1-year mark. Her longest was 11 months and mine was a few weeks. Being in one really changed my attitudes towards some things. Friends have told me stories as well, including back in London. I'd get more upset the closer the person was to me but this is on a completely different level.

I think the problem is less to do with sexual freedom and more to do with the idea of falling into line but I agree about the power of biblical guilt. As for your daughter, I expect these fears I have will come rushing back if we're lucky enough to have our own children.

Looks like I better go hunting for some chronic...

[EvilBoris]

[dataDave]

**** Japan, and **** Singapore, too.

I think it's actually an advantage that Singapore has a red light district (for its size), if not I fear that we'd have just as many sexually deprived weirdos running around as Japan has.

[kryss]

it's not like there's a shortage of rub'n'tug places in Japan though. My ex came home really pissed off one night as a kid next to her on the train had his hand down his pants rubbing one out and nobody did anything or said anything. An Aussie I worked with had some guy offer her cash for sex in the middle of the street in broad daylight. A Canadian I worked with got driven to the middle of nowhere and almost raped by a taxi driver.

"Safe". Yup.


Also Billy, get caught with weed and you'll be locked up or deported so be proper careful.

[nakamura]

Looks like 3 options to me.

1) Let her get on with it. It's work and only time she would have to. No gratification for her either.

2) She quits but if you stay in Japan, could happen again.

3) Tell her to say no. See what happens.

[Guts]

A lot of sexual harassment isn't even considered harassment here, it's nuts! Every woman I've had the conversation with has a story of being groped or jizzed on in a train. I'm not religious but when i see how sexually 'free' this country is I appreciate all that biblical guilt we have in our culture.

I'm certainly not an expert, but doesn't that kind of behavour come from the repressed sexual culture of Japan. You're not allowed to show your sexuality/emotions so it then erupts in all these weird, sexual perversions in people.

[QualityChimp]

Can't she dress up really unsexy, Billy?

Giant woolly Christmas jumper with no definition.
Fake ugly goofy "red-neck" teeth.
Frumpy sack dress.
Eat a load of spicy food - no teeth brushing.
Dance like a Dad at a disco.
Santa Hat.

Or go as a tribute to Santa in Trading Places: