Nervous breakdowns - any experience?

[nakamura]

Sorry to hear about your mum tomato, I wish her well.

I came the closest I ever have to cracking when Maiko was sick, being told you wife would have died had we not called doctor is pretty hard to stomach.

I've never understood the need for medication though. I haven't exactly had an easy ride in life but I guess I have a mental strength many others don't. For me, adopting a carefree attitude changed everything. I stopped caring about what people thought of me. I still don't. Stopped obsessing over women.

[DeathAdder]

Unfortunately she sounded no better at all last night when I spoke to her. Dad says that sometimes she is like a zombie.

She just will not believe anyone who tells her that she isn't going to be sacked at work.

Dad has made an appointment with the head of human resources where she works. He will take her to see him, or even bring the mountain to mohammad by bringing him to their house, so that he might be able to reassure her that she isn't for the sack.

If that doesn't help at all, then they will up sticks and leave as soon as he thinks she is safe to travel.

I'm reading all the posts in the thread even if I don't acknowledge them - appreciating all the insights and good wishes.

[DeathAdder]

Well, it seems that the problem is more serious than I thought. There's no way they can stay in Dubai, and the meeting with her head of HR is to see if they will release her from her contract early, rather than to make her stay for her notice.

Mum hasn't had a stroke (but God knows I could be heading for one or a heart attack!) her illness/condition is entirely in her head. She is still obsessing about absolutely irrational and ludicrous things. Last night she suddenle disappeared with the dog and came back insisting that her boss was sitting in a car over the road spying on us to know when mum, the maid and the dog (but curiously not me) left the villa so she could change the locks. The car belongs to the bloke who lives in next door's servants quarters!

While I was walking Spot this morning she told the maid she would have to leave.

Later today we are going to speak to the head of HR to see if they will let mum give 1 month's notice on the grounds of ill health and extend the sick leave to cover this period and if they will let us stay in the villa 'till we leave.

It looks like this is much more than work-related stress. I am feeling distraught that I might never have a proper conversation with her again. Really want to fly there as soon as possible but Dad is adamant that I shouldn't.

[MisterBubbles]

My mother is pretty seriously ill with depression. My mum can never return to her old self as the psychologist has said she has deep rooted problems and depression. So first things first your mum has to go see a doctor to get some AD. It just sounds like work related stress, but could have been building up over my months and years, and this incident caused her to have a major breakdown. I don't know your mums situation, does she go out regular? Have lots of friends and a busy social life?

[MisterBubbles]

Tomato you will be able to talk to your mum again, but just now you need to accept that she is seriously i'll, and as others have said she will have good days and bad. So just be there for her and try encourage her to stay active even if she doesn't feel like it. Sometimes just getting my mum to visit my sister 5 miles away can be an ordeal, but it helps her anxiety attacks if she does it and stays positive. Plus it's harder for her as ive just moved to Germany 4 months ago. Remember your dad may need support so look into that as well as living with somebody with depression can in itself be stressful. Hope your mum feels better soon.

[DeathAdder]

I'm sorry to hear that about your mother, MisterBubbles. I am in Japan, so a long way away from mine in Dubai, so I know the frustration when these things happen and you aren't there. That's part of what is making me worry - all I have to go on is what dad e-mails to me (the quote on the last page is his latest e-mail) and what I can gather from when I talk on the phone to her, which has been a few times but not for very long each time.

She has been to a doctor and is taking Prozac and Valium, which I assume are anti-depressants.

They have acquaintances but not much in the way of an active social life. They have been in Dubai for 25 years this time round, and most of the friends they used to have are now back in the UK. Sometimes they eat out, but they seemed happy just using the nearby pool and jacuzzi in their spare time, or so it seemed.

There's quite a history of dementia in the family. Grandad on dad's sidee had alzheimers, and grandma on mum's side had some disease which makes the brain shrink, so she got progressively less aware of her surroundings. Looking after her ruined my grandad's physical wellbeing, so your point about also thinking of my dad's health is well-made.

Thanks for the good wishes, and same to your mum.

[dvdx2]

I've also posted this on rllmuk, but I am really worried about my mother and would appreciate any insight that people can give.

Anyone have experience of nervous breakdowns from work-related stress? My poor old mum, age 66, has had one.

She seemed absolutely fine on the phone last Friday. Then out of the blue on Tuesday I got an e-mail from her saying that she couldn't cope at work, was about to be fired, and that it wouldn't be possible for my wife and me to visit in December for Christmas.

When I got home I phoned them, and my father informed me that she had had a complete breakdown. I spoke to her for a few minutes, but she wasn't herself at all, just sounded exhausted and not really saying anything. She hung up rather unexpectedly.

Yesterday my father e-mailed me with a bit more information. She keeps saying over and over that she is about to be sacked, and that they will have only 48 hours to leave the country (the UAE), neither of which are the case according to her bosses, with whom he has spoken. She is on sick leave for the next week at least. Meanwhile dad is having a hard time coping on his own.

I have made the point to both of them that their health is paramount, and that there is nothing wrong with calling time on their stint in the UAE and returning to England.

Really worried about mum. Do these things resolve themselves? Is there any chance that she might never return to her old self?

I am definitely going to visit them in the UAE myself in December. If she is better, then great. If not, then my dad will need a break from doing everything himself.

All insights welcome.

Breakdowns/ burn-out are much more common than one would think, especially from work related stress. They are horrible, horrible, events in your life, but with the right support and care, its possible to get back to pretty much full health.

Alot of things need to be relearnt after a breakdown - confidence drops dramatically; panic and OCD are other components of the illness, withdrawal from everyday activities, irrationality etc etc. Medication is one small part ( the prozac is an antidepressant and the valium is used to calm the central nervous system and reduce panic/anxiety). Counselling (CBT), emotional support, stress reduction (such as deep breathing/mindfulness/holistic therapies) and most importantly time, will help. Stress reduction is so important and removing yourself from what caused the stress, is essential. A week or two off work is no good; she will probably need at least 2-3 months minimum, then a gradual phase back, when your mum is ready. It takes a while to come to terms with the illness, but challenging it by doing the sort of things above, is the start of the road to recovery.

Depression is very hard for any one to grasp, that hasn't been through it, so just support her as much as you can; Speak to her as much as you can, try to get a better understanding of the illness, listen to her and try not too catastrophize too much. Your mum was probably suffering alot of stress before the breakdown and something triggered it. Try not too worry; She will get over this :-)

[DeathAdder]

I hope you are right, but I fear she only has a decline into dementia ahead of her.

Edited: thank you for the helpful and thoughtful advice

[nakamura]

I've always thought we work too much. 5 days a week for work, 2 days for rest and recreation. Add in a family and adult life is very high pressure.

[Kit]

This is why you need a vice imo to break things up - be it getting **** hammered etc... your not going to live forever and life isn't a ****ing perfected speedrun. It's more like a first run through metal gear where you get caught quite often and have to **** guys up with the heavy weapons.

[DeathAdder]

At the risk of treating this thread like a blog, she sounded considerably better last night. Not quite her usual talkative self, but less tired and more with it than usual. She answered the phone herself, and was able to tell me that she had explained to the head of HR than she had been unhappy with recent managerial changes, which have made her job harder. The head of HR reassurred her that they were very happy with her 15 years of excellent service. It has boosted her confidence somewhat.

I was then horrified and relieved in equal measure when dad took the phone, and said that she had driven back home from her workplace.

I am aware that it might be a temporary leap forward, but I am holding out more hope. They have talked the situation over last night and are going to decide what to do.

[randombs]

I've got no useful advice to offer but I've read everything posted here and it's all useful information. About the mental health stigma, I watched a TED talk by Ruby Wax last year and she said people don't give 'get well' cards when you're in the hospital for mental problems.

I have some friends with various issues(especially here in Japan among my fellow ALTs). I'm finding it incredible how much people bottle up and the difference it makes when they just let it all out. I met a guy at an ALT meeting back in July and he wasn't too friendly at the time, then randomly he saw me after school a few weeks ago and wanted to grab a coffee. Turns out he'd had all this stuff pent up inside over the last 5-6 years here and was grateful to just let it all out with a fellow native, especially as he didn't have to worry about vocab/content/etc and could just speak freely like he was back home. I'm the same - just telling my problems to someone I trust enough not to relay or use them against me helps.

I'm glad your mum sounded better and even the fact you're concerned enough about it to post on here tells me you'll play a pivotal role in making her feel better, whatever that might involve. Good luck and even if you don't want this turning into a blog, please do keep us updated if you're comfortable.

[nakamura]

Japan is a crazy high pressure society, one of the main reasons I haven't moved there. With my already poor health, extra pressure wouldn't help.

[dvdx2]

Japan is a crazy high pressure society, one of the main reasons I haven't moved there. With my already poor health, extra pressure wouldn't help.

yeah, i sure wouldnt want to live in Japan if I had a mental illness....

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/pcn.12086/abstract

'Psychosocial factors, including weakness of personality, are often considered the cause of mental illness, rather than biological factors. In addition, the majority of the general public in Japan keep a greater social distance from individuals with mental illness, especially in close personal relationships. Schizophrenia is more stigmatized than depression, and its severity increases the stigmatizing attitude toward mental illness'

[k0pp0]

My brother in law recently had a 'moment'. He's on meds and seeing a counselor, but has massive anxiety issues and thinks everyone is against him.

We pop around to see him every now and again with the kids - they work wonders for him.