Are you happy?

[Colin]

I always loved the idea of having kids, now I'm glad I didn't. It's a combination of seeing how many kids are just little ***** these days and if I'm being honest, not wanting to lose the freedom to do what we want in life.

[Mayhem]

My wife's endo isn't as bad as some women's but it's bad enough so whatever your wife's going through I know it will be pretty horrible. It feels like some kind of curse and I'm amazed that she can get on with her life knowing that it's hanging over her every month. To think that some women experience that level of pain every day is just mind blowing.

The cruel irony is that having kids can be the best way to 'cure' endometriosis but it can also reduce the likelihood of conceiving.

Thanks, although we’re not married. Yet heh. Maybe one day. We’ve been together about 15 months so far, and I’d say it’s happened about three times since our first date, all around the days leading up to having her period. Am I allowed to say that on a gaming forum?! but each time it’s lasted a good week or so and then dies away. Turns out this month might be more crampy than usual...

[BigDeadFreak]

Thanks, although we’re not married. Yet heh. Maybe one day. We’ve been together about 15 months so far, and I’d say it’s happened about three times since our first date, all around the days leading up to having her period. Am I allowed to say that on a gaming forum?! but each time it’s lasted a good week or so and then dies away. Turns out this month might be more crampy than usual...

Yeah, I was almost wary of mentioning the P word on a games forum

Well, I hope the maybe-soon-to-be-but-not-yet Mrs. Mayhem is ok this month.

[charlesr]

If we can talk about shooting each other other in the head then talking about natural things like periods should be OK if appropriate

[J0e Musashi]

I now live with a wonderful woman and child by the sea. I managed to get away from the big smoke, which has pleased me no end. I’ve got a few quid and I don’t have to work particularly hard anymore. I’ve also largely got over the mental health issues that plagued me for much of my early life, which also makes me really happy when I sit and think about it.

I’ve got a good network of both friends and family, who I wouldn’t change for the world. After all, they stuck by me when life was difficult and now we have great times together. My son is 18 now and has flourished into quite the gentleman and I’m very proud of him. He’s taking us all out for dinner on Sunday, which will be amazing.

As a couple, one problem we do face is having more children, but I figured it isn’t the end of the world if we can’t, and I certainly won’t hold it against her because what’s the point in that?

To surmise, I’d consider myself happy on the whole. I think once you get to a certain age, happiness is all that really matters. Even if we had no money, we’d still be happy. Material things will never equate to having a partner who truly makes you happy to wake up every morning.

[randombs]

Ups and downs, hills and arses, tits and roundabouts...

I'm happy at times and unhappy at other times. I'm good at hiding it and I like making other people happy so I've never brought the mood down, but recently I've started discussing things with my wife and she's been a big help.

The good:

• Married to an amazing woman who can genuinely make me laugh. And I'm funny so that's not an easy task, believe me
• Great work environment, great company, salary is double what I got in London(although I've developed a lot since then), annual business trips to the US
• I've started going to the gym in the mornings before work. It's really helping with my energy levels and general well-being although it'll be a while before I lose this gut!
• I've had no trouble these past five years in Japan. No immigration issues, no police, no weirdness. Everyhing's been smooth as silk
• You guys are tops

The bad:

• I don't like living in Japan. I've accepted we'll be here for a while unless I can up my career game. Also, we should settle down soon
• I'm not studying Japanese and it's getting frustrating, but I'm battered by the time I'm home from work
• I'm a negative nancy, with a general lack of motivation/ambition. I'm working on this and making small strides
• I'm not actively preparing for the future. I have a Japan state pension and my company pays into a 401K for me, that's it
• Mid-30's, no idea where to go from here career-wise or life in general
• I've still got 10k of CC debt hovering over me
• Job is boring, but that's my own fault. It's IT support and my manager wants me to learn programming but laziness means six months on, I'm still on the basics. Becoming a developer would get me out of this rut and I enjoy it
• My mind is noisy, have a hard time focusing and often forget things that happened recently, to-do lists, etc
• (realised this today) As a couple, we're not social. We meet friends when there's a context(e.g. birthdays) but nothing beyond that. I don't have anyone I just hang around with because most don't live near us
• I come from a large, loving family full of cool people but they're all back in the UK enjoying Brexit. I miss them. In-laws are great but there are only four of them

My company HR handed out info for a counseling service and I want to call them. They have English support but I could discuss all the above stuff with them pretty easily. This year I'm focusing on Japanese, C# and the gym as my holy trinity around which the other things will hopefully fall into place.

Fingers crossed!

[QualityChimp]

We love you, Billy!

[MrKirov]

Not really right now, if I’m honest.

Past 6 months have been a bit of a struggle, mostly out of my control with nothing I can actually do about it. Actions and steps taken to resolve the problems have proved fruitless so far, and smaller things are tending to send me into a bit of a spiral of despair.

I’ve never thought I was an anxious person before, and never really felt I was depressive or anything. But recent thinking about events in my life have made me realise otherwise. I now acknowledge my anxiety, I kind of have too now I’m at the point my anxiety is taking physical form in a stutter that appears when I’m in anxious situations. Not too long ago someone in a shop asked me if I had smaller than a note and I froze and stuttered my response.

Talked to my partner who is experiencing the same life issues and I just feel so powerless, and I don’t want to talk about my anxiety/depression issues a lot which would put more pressure and put more worry on her. I’m putting a brave face over everything, as I’ve always been a strong person, but the mask is beginning to slip. My gym routine is shot, I find myself not wanting to go home and just feel so powerless and useless.

I’ve had a tough year to be sure, but felt like I was on top of the world at the start of December, only 6 months on I’m genuinely struggling with life, and the situation I find myself in. In all honestly, I’ve had to battle through almost everything alone for all my life, and I’m just fed up of fighting and facing hardship constantly. I just feel ... empty. Useless, powerless... and just not a lot I can do about it but hope, and wait.

[MrKirov]

I’m sat in work right now, re-reading my post and I’ve got to say I just feel numb. All motivation gone, just feel limp, honestly think I’m about to just break down.

[QualityChimp]

Holy ****, mate, get some help.

Go see a doctor, get some counselling and look at maybe getting some anti-depressants.
There's a bit of a stigma that blokes have about it, but loads of people take them, not to be happy-clappy loons, but they can help you cope.

I enjoyed our Monster Hunter sessions earlier in the year and it sounds like you have a partner (and cats!) that really love you, so you not only owe it to them, but also to yourself.

Please, please, please book an appointment ASAP, mate.

[MrKirov]

Already did last year, it didn’t help much, if anything added to problems when I took some time from work. That ended up leading to its own set of problems.

Touch wood, I’m happy enough in work at the moment, but I’ve just had one thing after another over the past year. I thought I’d come out of the other side, but I haven’t really had a time to... rest. A peaceful period. Then event that’s continued for the best part of 6 months has ground me down to nothing. Worse than ever before. Steps I’m taking to resolve it have invited lots more stress and aggravation, and that’s continuing alongside it.

We both are putting a brave face on it, but I can tell it’s really getting to her just as much as me, but I’m trying my best to stay optimistic, at least in front of her. I can’t add to that any further than I have. There are few options available to me now, and even if things play out as I hope, there’s still going to be a large element of worry and anxiety that will begin from it, that cause me to worry even more. I’m trying to do my best to compartmentalise though.

Add to that, the complete lack of any family or anyone I can talk to is leading down this path again. Then I go and get a random text from my estranged mother telling me she’s moved to Spain, which for some reason adds to the pain further even though I haven’t dealt with her in many years.

Just at a loss. Feel alone, bullied, vulnerable, helpless and on a cliff edge. I’ve done my best all my life to be a good person, to do my best, to do the right thing, to pay my bills and my dues.... but I get nothing in return, no support from people or the people who should be there to help. Just really struggling to cope right now.

[MrKirov]

I’ve always been a fixer. A doer. If there’s a problem, I’ll analyse it, and I’ll fix it. With what’s happening right now it’s not within my control, and no matter how my research I do, or attempts made to resolve it, I can’t change anything. The people that are supposed to help me, can’t/advise me not to get them involved for my own interests.

This country is a joke. Truly is.

[kryss]

Is there anything we can do?

[MrKirov]

Sadly not, although I appreciate the offer.

I just have to live through it, and try my best to keep hopeful.

Suppose just posting about it is some kind of outlet, seeing as there’s not really anyone else I can talk too. Even if it’s on deaf ears, it’s better than nothing.

Sorry to drag the thread/mood down.

[kryss]

Posting about my infertility issues has helped me talk to other people about it. QC is always especially supportive.