Are you happy?

[QualityChimp]

Thanks, Kryss.
I've been through what you're wading through, so I know how tough it can be.

Kirov, I think just hoping for the best isn't proactive enough.
You might be able to think about some strategies about getting where you want to be.

Start by making your bed.
Sounds silly, but that's one achievement you've done and something nice to come back to at the end of the day.

Have a look at some self-help books.
Would you like me to find some audiobooks or Kindle files?

[MrKirov]

It’s a bit more complicated than that, sadly. And believe me I’ve done all I can to resolve the situation, and waiting is part of the process- that in turn is probably making it worse again.

I’m being vague I know, it’s a mixture of a) it being long and hard to list it all, b) I wouldn’t want you all to read it and think all “woe is me” c) I worry about the posting about everything online where things could be accessible and seen in the future.

My feelings are a combination of reeling from other things happening over the past year, and this current stuff causing me such an impact- I’m sure you guys reading it would think “what’s he stressing about”.

[kryss]

If waiting is part of the process, perhaps some escapism is called for? But not at the risk of your real life relationships.
My wife and I enjoy playing Overcooked together, for example.

[Wools]

We both are putting a brave face on it, but I can tell it’s really getting to her just as much as me, but I’m trying my best to stay optimistic, at least in front of her. I can’t add to that any further than I have. There are few options available to me now, and even if things play out as I hope, there’s still going to be a large element of worry and anxiety that will begin from it, that cause me to worry even more. I’m trying to do my best to compartmentalise though.

Add to that, the complete lack of any family or anyone I can talk to is leading down this path again.

I'm sorry to hear this Kirov.

My main suggestion to you is to talk to your partner. It sounds stupid but opening up how you really feel, rather than putting on a brave face, not only gets it off your chest but allows you both to understand the situation and go through it together.

The worst times of my life have been entered around going through something on my own or pulling my punches. The older I've got, I've found great comfort in being honest to co-workers, friends, family and my partners over how I really feel, rather than pretending.

[dvdx2]

Kirov

Yes you really need to speak to someone - your partner is the natural starting point then family, but an impartial listening ear from somewhere like the Samaritans, may help if this isn’t possible. CBT is a great form of counselling if you can get access to it, either through your GP or privately. A good counsellor can really help with low mood and anxiety. Things are rarely ever as bad as we think. Break up your routine, get out as much as you can and remember nothing lasts for ever! You can bounce back to full health with the right steps and support; and I’m speaking from experience.

[charlesr]

It’s a bit more complicated than that, sadly. And believe me I’ve done all I can to resolve the situation, and waiting is part of the process- that in turn is probably making it worse again.

I’m being vague I know, it’s a mixture of a) it being long and hard to list it all, b) I wouldn’t want you all to read it and think all “woe is me” c) I worry about the posting about everything online where things could be accessible and seen in the future.

My feelings are a combination of reeling from other things happening over the past year, and this current stuff causing me such an impact- I’m sure you guys reading it would think “what’s he stressing about”.

You literally just said "a) it being long and hard" on an internet forum with actual context. Congrats.

Do you feel like the fact you feel helpless to change it makes it worse? (being a fixer).
I feel like this (my feelings) should be simple to sort out, but it's not. Which is just more frustrating, so I spend time worrying about why it's not simple, in addition to all the other stuff. I have beta blockers for before potentially stressful situations, but hate the idea of using drugs (they seem to work though), so just another thing to worry about. Not sure if happy or sad smilie there.... let's go with a anyway.

Something that is really helping me is of all things a Facebook group. The idea is to think back over the day and document three "great" things that happened. They might be as simple as a chat with a friend for a few minutes. Or seeing a colour and feeling good about it. Or seeing someone else being happy and being happy for them, however briefly. etc. Some days I can only think of one, so the fact it's three is a bitch because I get stressed and can't post. WTF. Other days, I just read other people's and feel good for a few minutes while reading theirs. Some days I can think of a few things and write them down however stupid they may sound - they are important to me. The more I see them, the more I see them. Looking forward to getting two days in a row sometime! If I can't think of them within a couple of minutes I force myself to move on and just read others, otherwise I spiral a little.

How well do you sleep? There are massive links between the amount of sleep you get and the amount of depression you might suffer from and it appears that it's lack of sleep >>> depression, rather than the other way around. I've always stayed up very late and then been woken early. Lately I've gone to bed at 10:30 and woken at 7 and felt a LOT better. I feel like I'm missing out on time, but if the time I'm missing out on is feeling down, then maybe it's a winner. Or something.

Running and mountain biking totally turn me the other way. Mountain biking is ridiculously fun and running gives me a high within a few moments of starting because my body is like "oh ffs, here we go again, more pain ahoy, let's block out this nonsense with endorphins immediately". Even thinking about them gets me going Sorry if this is a bit me me me style post.

[MrKirov]

Thanks for all the advice folks, it’s appreciated. The tough part is keeping it all together while managing a million things. Just feel burnt out.

I really want to just blurt out the past years events for context, alongside some other stuff that’s happened historically, but I’m fearful. So for now, I’ll just say thanks and try not to use this thread/forum as my personal outlet blog.

[charlesr]

Thanks for all the advice folks, it’s appreciated. The tough part is keeping it all together while managing a million things. Just feel burnt out.

I really want to just blurt out the past years events for context, alongside some other stuff that’s happened historically, but I’m fearful. So for now, I’ll just say thanks and try not to use this thread/forum as my personal outlet blog.

If you want to blurt it all out in a PM to me, go ahead. I can't promise anything more enlightening than what I already wrote in reply though.

[BigDeadFreak]

I really want to just blurt out the past years events for context, alongside some other stuff that’s happened historically, but I’m fearful. So for now, I’ll just say thanks and try not to use this thread/forum as my personal outlet blog.

I'm sure everyone here would be happy for you to offload if it would help. Of course if you don't want to that's cool too but I doubt that anyone here is going to judge you.

[MrKirov]

Another day, another incident. Please just stop for God’s sake please just stop.

[QualityChimp]

[MENTION=3332]MrKirov[/MENTION], we've chatted before, so, same as Charles, if you want to chat, PM me on here or online and I'll give you a call.

I've not got any expert advice, but am a good listener and it'll go no further than me.

Offer stands to anyone else on the forum that needs an ear.

[kryss]

Sorry, making stuff about me again. Disregard.

[charlesr]

Thanks for all the advice folks, it’s appreciated. The tough part is keeping it all together while managing a million things. Just feel burnt out.

How does it feel giving (great!) advice in the Keep fit thread? The thought you put in to your posts was top and you've clearly got a lot to offer.

[MrKirov]

How does it feel giving (great!) advice in the Keep fit thread? The thought you put in to your posts was top and you've clearly got a lot to offer.

Ha,thanks. I’ve been through the trial and tribulations of long term weight loss, so that stuff comes easily to me as it’s second nature- although following it myself sometimes fails..! I’m happy to help, and anything that takes my mind off stuff currently is a plus.

[Zen Monkey]

It's telling that happy is the default mode for children. They don't need a reason to feel happy. They just are happy, by nature. They need a reason to feel unhappy. For most adults that state of being has switched around to the point where they need a reason to feel happy. It speaks volumes about our society, our education, and culture.