Shamelessly nabbed from thedvdforums... the questions you never asked when you see this for the first time...
dparr:
1) Porsches can "heal" themselves after repeatedly crashing into a Fiat and rolling onto their sides.
2) Two people can crash into a pole at 50 mph, wearing no seatbelts, and walk away.
3) Uzi's do not run out of ammunition until everyone is dead.
4) Being electrocuted will give you superhuman strength.
5) The best place to lock up a hostage is in a large roomwith balsa wood covering the window openings, with no guards outside the window.
6) The only way to break through balsa wood is with a disassembled doorknob.
7) Cheap airplanes are started by punching the control panel and saying "Fly or DIE!"
8) The best way to discreetly tell someone that people may be out to get him is by flying a military helicopter through the rolling mountains of Southern California to meet him.
9) Three men in a van can easily survive an explosion caused by a rocket being shot into the van's gas tank.
10) You can't just unbutton someone's shirt. You have to rip it open, and hold it open while talking to them.
11) A man's center of gravity does not change when picking up another man and holding him at arm's length.
12) Surplus stores have enough equipment to blow up an entire compound.
13) The only way to break into a surplus store is by driving your handy bulldozer through the front of it, for everyone to see.
14) However, no one will see what happened in (13).
15) A Chevy Blazer with no brakes can still brake.
16) A Chevy Blazer will explode three times upon rollover.
17) Tranquilizer darts are instantaneously effective.
18) One can walk about an airplane during takeoff if he claims that he is airsick.
19) Old Fiats are as fast as new Porsches.
20) Explosives set on the outside of a building will cause the building to explode from the inside
21) Upon being scalped by circular saw blade, one becomes instantly pale.
22) Really good hair gel will not wash out, period.
23) Shopping malls have about 100 inept security guards apiece.
24) The best place to secretly exchange false documents for a briefcase-full of money is in a very public bar in a very public shopping mall.
25) Upon being blown up by a hand grenade, one does an acrobatic somersault.
26) Upon being shot, one acts like a cartoon character tripping backwards over a step.
27) Hedge deflects bullets.
28) If your daughter is being held hostage on an island, you should blow up every building on that island except one, because chances are she'll be in that one.
29) People commonly use stairs to get onto large commercial jetliners at Los Angeles International Airport, not jetways.
30) If a large truck comes barreling down a mountain toward you while you are driving, you should not brake. Instead, you should just say, "he's gonna hit us!" and keep driving at the same speed.
ThingyBlahBlah3
1) The US military's two best soldiers are an Austrian guy and an Australian guy.
2) The most efficient and reliable way to kill someone is to drive up to their house in a garbage truck when it's not their regular pick-up day, and hope that your intended victim hears you coming and rushes out with the garbage. And nobody else in the neighborhood will come out with their garbage too.
3) A perfectly built Austrian and a shorter, fatter Australian are evenly matched, even if one of them looks like he's in much better shape.
4) A medieval-style chain-mail chestplate is a useful piece of 20th century military equipment.
5) "Between the balls" is apparently a very bad place to take a bullet.
6) If you exit a commercial airplane after takeoff, none of the flight attendants or other passengers will wonder what happened to you.
7) Opening the hatch to gain access to the landing gear won't set off any warnings in the cockpit, even in a pressurized airplane that's about to take off.
8) If you only have one (very early) cellular phone, don't give it to the guy who's seeing Matrix off on the plane. Keep it by your side, even if there are normal telephones where you are. That way, when things go wrong, he can't call you with an update from his car but must find a pay phone instead.
9) If you used to be the head of a country, and you were overthrown and now live in exile, you automatically get your job back if the current ruler is assassinated.
10) If a team of ex-soldiers is given new identities and relocated, most of them will be given lousy jobs (car salesman, fishing boat worker), but the leader gets a big house in the mountains and a generous stipend. And the psychotic guy who got kicked off the team will get a new identity too, for some reason.
11) If you're trying to find the ex-leader of a special military unit who's been hiding in the mountains, wait til a military helicopter flies to his house, then have your henchmen teleport there two minutes later.
12)If you break into a warehouse and knock one of the workers out and lock him in a closet, he won't tell anybody about it when he regains consciousness.
13) When your daughter's life is on the line and time is limited, be sure to carefully put on black war paint to camouflage yourself on a sub-tropical island.
14) A little inflatable boat doesn't sink when you put an array of machine guns & rocket launchers in it.
Quote:
clamb-2
*Your hands dont get burnt when you rip a steel door of a flaming furnace.
* You can still use both your arms to beat the crap out of someone and rip a steel pipe from the wall even though you have been shot in the shoulder 3 minutes previously.
* You can be blown up with a grenade but if you go into a garden shed and take off your combat vest you will be fine.
* An M-60 machine gun can fire about 9999999999999999 rounds without being reloaded.
* If you rob a surplus store full of guns and get arrested the police just let you keep the guns and dont confiscate them.
* If you raid a base full of soldiers, save your daughter and walk through the grounds with your daughter on your arm the soldiers that you didnt kill previously wont start shooting at you again.
* You have been shot, slashed with knifes, blown up with a grenade, beaten up, shot with a tranquilliser, crashed into a pole with driving 50mph yet you can still walk carrying your daughter and get on a plane like nothing has happened.
* Special Force Commandos can over power about 8 security guards even though they are all on top of you.
* Shopping mall decorations can be used to swing from one side of to the mall to the other even though the person who is swinging on them is is 6ft 2" - 250 pounds!
* If you lose your wallet you magically get it back if your wanting to show someone a picture of your daughter.
* You can punch through glass (to get to knifes in a surplus store) and yor hand will be perfectly fine.
* You can take a rocket launcher off a wall, give it to someone and then another one will magically reappear on the wall.
* You have just killed about 100 men, robbed a surplus store, stole cars, wrecked a hotel room, blew up a police van, stole a plane, beat up about 50 security guards, jumped of a comercial airplane when its taking off, wrecked private property and blew up an entire base yet you get away scot-free with no questions asked!
1) Porsches can "heal" themselves after repeatedly crashing into a Fiat and rolling onto their sides.
2) Two people can crash into a pole at 50 mph, wearing no seatbelts, and walk away.
3) Uzi's do not run out of ammunition until everyone is dead.
4) Being electrocuted will give you superhuman strength.
5) The best place to lock up a hostage is in a large roomwith balsa wood covering the window openings, with no guards outside the window.
6) The only way to break through balsa wood is with a disassembled doorknob.
7) Cheap airplanes are started by punching the control panel and saying "Fly or DIE!"
8) The best way to discreetly tell someone that people may be out to get him is by flying a military helicopter through the rolling mountains of Southern California to meet him.
9) Three men in a van can easily survive an explosion caused by a rocket being shot into the van's gas tank.
10) You can't just unbutton someone's shirt. You have to rip it open, and hold it open while talking to them.
11) A man's center of gravity does not change when picking up another man and holding him at arm's length.
12) Surplus stores have enough equipment to blow up an entire compound.
13) The only way to break into a surplus store is by driving your handy bulldozer through the front of it, for everyone to see.
14) However, no one will see what happened in (13).
15) A Chevy Blazer with no brakes can still brake.
16) A Chevy Blazer will explode three times upon rollover.
17) Tranquilizer darts are instantaneously effective.
18) One can walk about an airplane during takeoff if he claims that he is airsick.
19) Old Fiats are as fast as new Porsches.
20) Explosives set on the outside of a building will cause the building to explode from the inside
21) Upon being scalped by circular saw blade, one becomes instantly pale.
22) Really good hair gel will not wash out, period.
23) Shopping malls have about 100 inept security guards apiece.
24) The best place to secretly exchange false documents for a briefcase-full of money is in a very public bar in a very public shopping mall.
25) Upon being blown up by a hand grenade, one does an acrobatic somersault.
26) Upon being shot, one acts like a cartoon character tripping backwards over a step.
27) Hedge deflects bullets.
28) If your daughter is being held hostage on an island, you should blow up every building on that island except one, because chances are she'll be in that one.
29) People commonly use stairs to get onto large commercial jetliners at Los Angeles International Airport, not jetways.
30) If a large truck comes barreling down a mountain toward you while you are driving, you should not brake. Instead, you should just say, "he's gonna hit us!" and keep driving at the same speed.
ThingyBlahBlah3
1) The US military's two best soldiers are an Austrian guy and an Australian guy.
2) The most efficient and reliable way to kill someone is to drive up to their house in a garbage truck when it's not their regular pick-up day, and hope that your intended victim hears you coming and rushes out with the garbage. And nobody else in the neighborhood will come out with their garbage too.
3) A perfectly built Austrian and a shorter, fatter Australian are evenly matched, even if one of them looks like he's in much better shape.
4) A medieval-style chain-mail chestplate is a useful piece of 20th century military equipment.
5) "Between the balls" is apparently a very bad place to take a bullet.
6) If you exit a commercial airplane after takeoff, none of the flight attendants or other passengers will wonder what happened to you.
7) Opening the hatch to gain access to the landing gear won't set off any warnings in the cockpit, even in a pressurized airplane that's about to take off.
8) If you only have one (very early) cellular phone, don't give it to the guy who's seeing Matrix off on the plane. Keep it by your side, even if there are normal telephones where you are. That way, when things go wrong, he can't call you with an update from his car but must find a pay phone instead.
9) If you used to be the head of a country, and you were overthrown and now live in exile, you automatically get your job back if the current ruler is assassinated.
10) If a team of ex-soldiers is given new identities and relocated, most of them will be given lousy jobs (car salesman, fishing boat worker), but the leader gets a big house in the mountains and a generous stipend. And the psychotic guy who got kicked off the team will get a new identity too, for some reason.
11) If you're trying to find the ex-leader of a special military unit who's been hiding in the mountains, wait til a military helicopter flies to his house, then have your henchmen teleport there two minutes later.
12)If you break into a warehouse and knock one of the workers out and lock him in a closet, he won't tell anybody about it when he regains consciousness.
13) When your daughter's life is on the line and time is limited, be sure to carefully put on black war paint to camouflage yourself on a sub-tropical island.
14) A little inflatable boat doesn't sink when you put an array of machine guns & rocket launchers in it.
Quote:
clamb-2
*Your hands dont get burnt when you rip a steel door of a flaming furnace.
* You can still use both your arms to beat the crap out of someone and rip a steel pipe from the wall even though you have been shot in the shoulder 3 minutes previously.
* You can be blown up with a grenade but if you go into a garden shed and take off your combat vest you will be fine.
* An M-60 machine gun can fire about 9999999999999999 rounds without being reloaded.
* If you rob a surplus store full of guns and get arrested the police just let you keep the guns and dont confiscate them.
* If you raid a base full of soldiers, save your daughter and walk through the grounds with your daughter on your arm the soldiers that you didnt kill previously wont start shooting at you again.
* You have been shot, slashed with knifes, blown up with a grenade, beaten up, shot with a tranquilliser, crashed into a pole with driving 50mph yet you can still walk carrying your daughter and get on a plane like nothing has happened.
* Special Force Commandos can over power about 8 security guards even though they are all on top of you.
* Shopping mall decorations can be used to swing from one side of to the mall to the other even though the person who is swinging on them is is 6ft 2" - 250 pounds!
* If you lose your wallet you magically get it back if your wanting to show someone a picture of your daughter.
* You can punch through glass (to get to knifes in a surplus store) and yor hand will be perfectly fine.
* You can take a rocket launcher off a wall, give it to someone and then another one will magically reappear on the wall.
* You have just killed about 100 men, robbed a surplus store, stole cars, wrecked a hotel room, blew up a police van, stole a plane, beat up about 50 security guards, jumped of a comercial airplane when its taking off, wrecked private property and blew up an entire base yet you get away scot-free with no questions asked!
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