Is her daughter also your daughter? Can't say any of that sounds good. Obviously you know it doesn't sound good but I guess what I mean is that your discomfort does not sound remotely like an overreaction. If I were to guess (and totally a guess given the info and my own lack of knowledge generally), I'd say she has some serious self-esteem issues that lead to attention-seeking, or more attention-welcoming. People can change. Rarely but it can happen, if people get to a point where they feel like they have no other choice. I wish you luck. Sucks to read that, to be honest. Hope it all works out for you, no matter what path you take from here.
-
-
Yeah she is
The big event that happened between us is in another thread
Basically we spoke about children and started trying and she fell pregnant straight away and instantly got scared and against my wishes had an abortion which absolutely broke me and two days after it she realised what she did and we now had Ellie because we knew what she did was a mistake and I still can't get over why a planned baby was taken from me
But I find it difficult to forgive her and she also finds it difficult to forgive herself and the way I see it if we split it will be a second child she will take away from meComment
-
Yeah, that's messy. I think I'd be feeling along the same lines in that situation - I don't know if I could forgive that and her own lack of forgiveness is probably damaging. When there's a child involved, it's a whole different thing. Don't know what to say except to say that, if you can make it work, that's worth trying but at the same time, if it's wrong, it's wrong. From the sounds of it, none of what comes next will be easy either way. There's only so long you're going to be able to exist with worries, ifs and maybes - for you, her, and your little girl. Good luck with it. I hope all works out for the best one way or another.Comment
-
Sorry to hear how rough things are for you right now; I think from your daughter's point of view, she'd grow up being at her happiest if her parents were also at their happiest, whether they're together or not.Originally posted by buster_broon View Post
Right now, however, if things stay as they are, I don't think that this would be the case at all. It's not always best for a child to have her parents forced together in a clearly unhappy environment. You certainly shouldn't fear losing her if you do end up separating from your partner - you'll always be her dad no matter what, and she won't see you as anything other than her dad.
Obviously, do everything you can to save your relationship if your partner is who you truly believe you can be happy with. But if you're only sticking it out now because you're scared of losing your daughter then you should reconsider for the sake of all three of you.Comment
-
Well it sounds way more serious than you first posted and yes growing a pair wont work here, and i dont think any of us can help, i'd seriously be asking and talking to her for you both to go to Relate, if you want to save this relationship.Comment
-
By the sounds of things you would probably get custody anyway...Comment
-
Sorry to hear of your troubles Jason. The brutal truth is that this relationship is over, by what you have said, it dosent sound worth saving tbh. You can find someone who'll treat you better then that good luck anyway.
QUOTE=buster_broon;1897910]lol grow a pair - sorted relationship back on track lol
its been on and off for around 18 months but we've had to endure alot in those two years that a 'normal' relationship would never see in a lifetime
but she came back in at 2:30am smashed and i was alright about it maybe its the beginning of the end, whereas before i would be doing my nut and have a blazing row when she came back
She didnt drink during the pregnancy and has been out 4 times since
1. a guy invited her back to his place for booze and she agreed but decided to come home instead because her friend talked her into it but she had already given out her mobile and i was was receiving dirty texts from this guy
2. went out with my sister and came in 5 hours late and nearly got in a fight with my cousin for flirting with other guys apparently
3. went to her friends and got smashed and wouldnt come home and i had to go and get her at 5:30 in the morning where she was asleep beside this friend (fully clothed hardly any contact)
4. we went out together on a works do and she basically ignored me all night and when we were together she would run off elsewhere, for example outside a nightclub she would leave me on the street alone to talk to other guys
sometimes i see glimpses of her old self but both of us are in councilling due to a decision she made a while ago and she cant forgive herself and when i get drunk and think back i get pretty angry about it but ive never raised my hands to her she is currently diagnosed with depression[/QUOTE]Last edited by SuperDanX; 22-10-2011, 11:56.Comment
-
I thought you were married Buster. I thought this woman which I remember you mentioning somewhere else was someone that you really clicked with on your ship from sometime way in your past?Originally posted by buster_broon View Post
Am I wrong? I'm confused mateComment
-
Nah your not confused pal and I was married
When I posted that thing about the abortion I made it sound as if it was in my past but it was actually happening at the time I posted it
We have sessions booked at relate but just waiting for her to schedule them in, I could do it but I want her to sort it so at least I know she is fighting for the same thing as meComment
-
As for custody she is a great mum so its something I wouldnt dream about doing itComment
-
I had a pretty rough time a few yrs back (u know the one
). I'm not saying this is what will happen to you, but I should have realised that things werent good as she was going out all the time, choosing other ppl over me continuously at important 'us' times, moved away from me when I'd give her a peck in front of her friends, & shouldve realised my relationship was dead in the water as soon as she didnt want to talk about her cheating on me. Yeah in some ways I shouldve 'grown a pair' & 'manned up' but your mind is all over the place when **** like that happens, so I think that those comments on here are a bit unfair.
There was no way of moving on or sorting it all out for me, & it was always there subconciously eating me up. It really messed my self esteem up too. Tbh it completely f*cked with my head.
Anyway just make sure you talk a lot. Get stuff off your chest. Dont let it stew in your mind. Good to see you going to Relate & letting her make her own appointments to show her commitment.
All the best with this buddy.Comment
-
Do you want to save it?
a) No: Tell her
b) Yes: Tell herComment
-
-
Oh I have told her and she had no explanation for her actions but after speaking to someone it seems it might be a combination of her medication and alcohol which is causing the problemsOriginally posted by charlesr View Post
Everything he went through was identical to me more or less and the medication is the same
She has promised to give up alcohol whilst she is on the medication and I've spoken to her boss who won't let her have anything during functions when she works behind a bar or serving people, ie she will turn down a drink when offered and the big test is pickle night onboard Hms victory because she is working as a wench lolComment
-
In case I wasn't clear, I meant I didn't agree with the 'grow a pair' thing.Originally posted by shinobi7000 View PostComment
Comment