The Banter Thread / Banter Topic / Sean Bean

[SuperDanX]

Bah. Just tried to book a day off for my birthday.DENIED. That'll be the first time, i think ever?, i have to work on my birthday, thats wrong in so many ways.

[kernow]

I worked on my birthday in october, needless to say I'd split up with my bird the night before, it was a new job I only started a week before, and I ended up in the bosses office kicking off.

woot?

[thebuddahman]

Urgh...I'm hungover but crumpets are helping a treat. They really are a great food stuff am I right fellas?

[djjimbob]

Only if you do them under the grill with strong cheddar on top.

Then pile brown sauce and chili suace on your plate for dipping.

[thebuddahman]

Only if you do them under the grill with strong cheddar on top.

Then pile brown sauce and chili suace on your plate for dipping.

This.

[VR46]

Prefer Pikelets myself, just topped with loads of butter. Nothing else.

[djjimbob]

Pikelets don't have that crisp edge that you get with crumpets though.

All these food threads are making my stomach eat itself.

[Roost]

A good old north staffs oatcake is what you want. Filled with bacon, sausage, cheese, beans whatever!!!!

[HaHaUK]

[thebuddahman]

A good old north staffs oatcake is what you want. Filled with bacon, sausage, cheese, beans whatever!!!!

This man speaks the truth. I'm from Stafford...I KNOW the power of oatcakes.

[VR46]

VIZ letters, some old some new.

I work in a call centre in Norwich and we've just been told our jobs are
moving to India. I'm so excited!
I've always wanted to visit India and with the salary they pay me I'll
be able to live like a Maharaja over there. Well done Aviva, keep up the
good work.

Charles Turner


What is it with diabetics? One minute they're on the floor with a loved
one standing by screaming "Give him some chocolate! Give him some
chocolate!"
The next day someone offers them a piece of chocolate and quick as a
flash they say "No thanks, I'm diabetic." I wish they'd get their story
straight.

T Potter


I wouldn't say boo to a goose. I'm not a coward, I just realise that it
would be largely pointless.

Mike Potts


Why is it always people who say 'bring back hanging'
who also say 'hanging's too good for them'? Make your right wing minds
up.

Christina Martin


Doctors say that you should eat 5 pieces of fruit or veg a day to remain
healthy. Last week I ate 5 mouldy plums and that night I sh*t the bed.
What's healthy about that?

Mark J, Barnsley



AM I the only person who hasn't banged Kate Moss? Everyday the papers
are full of stories from blokes claiming to have banged her. It's
something I'm quite keen on doing and I was just wondering if there is
some sort of queuing system in place.

Zak Cassidy, e-mail


TO THE zookeeper in 1978 who replied "I'll tell you when you're older"
when I asked him why one of the monkeys stuck its tongue up another
one's a*se:
I'm 36 now and still waiting for that explanation.

Joe McKeown


I HAVE just returned from a diplomatic trip to the Congo and I can
testify that at no point did I see anyone drinking Um Bongo.
Neil Palmer


THE THING that strikes me about the appointment of a paedophile to a
teaching post is, how sh*t must the other people at the interview have
been?

T Thorne, London


WHY DON'T NHS bosses start hiring obsessive compulsives as nurses? Their
attention to hygiene and constant hand washing would see an end to MRSA
outbreaks in no time.

Stu Bray


THEY SAY that slow and steady wins the race. B*llocks!
I am an athletics coach specialising in the 100 metre sprint, and I find
the best tactic by far is to go as quickly as possible.

Ashley Smith


I could never understand why Brian McFadden dumped his huge-breasted
wife Kerry Katona. But those Iceland adverts really opened my eyes. Wise
move.

Martin Mannion


Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says.
Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.

Colum Hill


Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just
like to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife's
minge. He hasn't seen my wife's, so who's had the last laugh?

P Lorimer, Leeds


My friend's mum recently pointed out that I have the same ironing board
cover as her. Can anyone think of a more mundane and pointless remark to
make than this?

Alun Daniel


My neighbour is an odd fellow. He's got a wall around his garden that is
completely covered in leaves! And every week in summer, he goes out and
trims it with an enormous pair of scissors! I often wonder what he'll
get up to next.

J Barratt, Nottingham


When I nipped into a McDonald's to use their toilets the other day, I
was confronted by a spotty teenager mopping up vomit just by the
lavatory. On the back of his T-shirt it said 'I'm Lovin' it!', but the
poor sod's face told a different story.

Tommo, Hull


What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the
world's oldest mum?
My mum's 77. Beat that.

[Alastair]

I HAVE just returned from a diplomatic trip to the Congo and I can
testify that at no point did I see anyone drinking Um Bongo.
Neil Palmer

[Ady]

Having been exiled from this forum for a good year or so thanks to new management at work filtering game sites, I can safely say I'm back as I decided to get online at home (a decision that may have something to do with the Wii...ahem!).

Anyway, I'm back!

[VR46]

Welcome back

[Spatial]

About time Ady!