Depression and Autism

[EvilBoris]

They didn't need to, we have his spiritual successor amongst us.

[speedlolita]

Shucks.

[randombs]

i was onboard HMS Ark Royal at the time

I read that as HMS Park Royal

Buster and the rest of you posting what's been going on with yourselves are inspirations.

I'd been really down for the last few years or so, not sure if I was properly depressed but things were generally crap and have been for a while. I hated my work, and I rarely met anyone, feeling worthless because I felt like I was behind on life compared with others with their relationships, houses, cars, etc. Even close friends I've known since we were nippers and who live a few minutes away never had the time or I never had it for them.

I'd come back from work and sit on the internet or watch DVDs in my room then sleep, that was basically my life. I stopped excercising and wouldn't work on my car or do any tech/DIY stuff like I used to and was lethargic. At work I've been office-bound since Feb this year cos my boss has been off work with spinal trouble and I put on weight and got very unhealthy. I wasn't sleeping well and was less fun to be around even though I try not to show what I'm feeling so as not to bring the mood down. I had started learning piano a few years ago and that helped quite a bit and gave me something to devote my evenings to but it wasn't enough by itself.

I finally realised late last year that what I've been a complete dick with those closest to me so started with a trip to Leeds to see my big bro for a few days as he'd been asking me to for a while. He's married with four kids and it turned out he'd been going counselling which threw me a bit because he's always been like my hero. We had some good chats and I discovered I decided from then on to start really listening to people instead of doing all the talking. There's an advert they play often on the radio about depression and how you should talk about it and it really made me think. Around that time I'd been having doubts about religion and now that I'm no longer Muslim I'm a lot happier(ok, there were other things but that constant feeling that you're going to Hell for not being good enough didn't help much). Losing my religion and being open about it with my Muslim friends(and selected members of my family, such as my Mum) has made them open up a lot more about what they're going through and allows me to treat everyone like human beings for a change.

I finally moved out this Summer at the tender age of 29. I'm not Theo Huxtable or mummy's boy and am independent, but I've waited until my finances and lifestyle were ready because this had to be final. I made a fair few financial mistakes over the years (such as my two trips to Japan in 2007 which amounted to about 6k altogether) and just generally overspent. Now I'm thrifty and have refined my tastes to, well, pretty much just the piano. I have my PS3 but it's basically a Netflix box!

So I'm living in a flat with these two girls and everything is on the up. They're 23 and I'm like a dad with them, handing out advice and telling one of them off when she comes back too drunk!(the other can hold her liquor even more than I can). I cook for them and clean the flat and I bloody love it. Also, being away from my family has helped me appreciate them more and our relationships have grown stronger. I even chat with my dad which I hardly ever did. Piano's going great now and I'm even planning a little birthday recital for my friends at the end of November so been working on my improv. I walk to/from work 40 mins each way and have lost so much weight that I'm down to the last hole on my belt and my 36" jeans are all too big now! It's done wonders for my general wellbeing and energy levels. I only do press-ups and sit-ups, not interested in gym or playing sports, but it's still more than I've ever done before so I'm taking it slow. I also eat properly, preferring to cook everything, and I haven't had fast food in a month.

Lastly, a friend I've been in love with for the past five years is returning to Japan next week and I finally grew the balls to tell her how I feel this weekend after I realised this is it. She asked why I waited until just before she's leaving and I said it's because I honestly couldn't have given her anything until now, because I had nothing useful to give, so didn't persue it.

Recently there's been an air of will-they-won't-they around our encounters these past few weeks but we finally got serious since I told her and, while this ongoing elation is definitely darkened by the fact she will be leaving, I'm trying to make her last week in London as memorable as possible. She's going Paris next week and I just booked to go as well so I can be with her there. Next Friday and I suppose the time after that is going to be extremely rough on me when she finally goes so I'll probably be posting in here then

[J0e Musashi]

Aww, you're ****ed up too dude. At least you don't eat crayons I suppose. Posting here makes me smile. The mixture of empathy and sheer idiocy in the responses is awesome.

[MonkeyJuggleDX]

I've recently been put on anti-depressants by my GP.

I guess it started just before Christmas last year. I'd booked the week before Christmas off as I needed to use up all my holiday and was enjoying myself. On the monday, I had a phone chat with my twin brother, which ended up with us having a little argument and I hung up.

At about 5.30am on the Wednesday, I got a phone call from my mum who was in hysterics, telling me to get over to my brothers house. He'd died in his sleep, leaving his fiancee and 18 month old son.

As you can imagine, that really ****ed me up and over the new year, due to not coping too well and having time off work, my contract was cancelled.

Then at the end of July, my grandfather passed away after a long battle with cancer. This time we knew it was coming and we could tell he pretty much gave up the fight and let nature take it's course.

Over the last year, my fiancee has said I've changed from the person she had known for 10 years and fell in love with, into someone who was always angry and didn't have the motivation to do anything. It got so bad, she made me move back into my mums until I could get myself sorted. Even when we found out she was pregnant, the happiness was there, but it was really hard to show it.

Eventually I went to my GP and he's put me on a 'daily dose of happy', which I started on Wednesday. So far, I've only had a few side effects, dodgy gut, sudden tiredness & a really dry mouth. I've also been booked in for counselling, but it takes 8-12 weeks to get an appointment.

I think the hardest part for me was actually going to the doctor and telling him I needed help. Now I've done that, hopefully I can get my life back on track.

[Decider-VT]

Um... your fianc?e must know what's happened to you. Having a twin die and parting on less than great terms would have that effect on a lot of people. Have you moved back in yet?

What type of counselling are you booked in for? CBT?

[nakamura]

Mate i didn't know he was your twin.

[randombs]

Good to hear you sought help and sincerely hope things turn out better for you, mate.

[MonkeyJuggleDX]

Um... your fianc?e must know what's happened to you. Having a twin die and parting on less than great terms would have that effect on a lot of people. Have you moved back in yet?

What type of counselling are you booked in for? CBT?

It was more the relationship breakdown with her kids that was the problem. I'm currently staying over a few nights a week, but there is a lot more to it that I don't really want to make public.

It's grievance counselling, which is a start I guess. I also lost my father due to a botched medical procedure when I was in the middle of my GCSE's and due to that, left school with no qualifications. I wasn't offered counselling then and was just left to get on with my life.

[Decider-VT]

Sorry to hear that. Hopefully the grievance counselling will be of benefit and help you with the anger, although that's understandable from what you've described.

How long does your GP have you on antidepressants for?

[MonkeyJuggleDX]

How long does your GP have you on antidepressants for?

He said I'm looking at 12-18 months.

[JazzFunk]

Please post how you go on with the happy capsules, MJ, hope they work. Long story but I got stuck on one last year (Citalopram) after the docs prescribed me some tablets I was allergic to, I slowly started dying, seizures, constant, jerking tremors, hallucinations, inability to swallow(!), constant suicidal feelings, could not control my balance, swelling in the brain, plus I couldn't ****e (!!!!) - they didn't know how to handle me so gave me a triple dose of chill pillage instead and fobbed me off with the classic "come back in four weeks' time and we'll see how you're going on"(!)

Anyways, it only actually took me 3/4 weeks to escape the initial effects of the allergic reaction but I was instructed to stay on the anti-Ds for a bit longer, then taper off over a couple of months. After a few weeks of really intense dreams and sexual dysfunction, no real difference, I started to notice a lot of the 'interference' in the mind, ie. oodles of minor stresses/irritations/worries etc.,had started to feel a lot less extreme, I definitely felt a *tad* more chilled....a very subtle effect, not like the "Limitless" feel I got off Prozac many moons ago, just a slightly more relaxed version of myself, and it has lessened many of my Tourettes-type stuffs, too, which is nice. So, liking this effect, I stayed on them, and have been on them for just over a year now...and I like them!!!

Only major downsides are mild nausea for a few hours after taking them and the promise that you WILL have a strange n' vivid dream EVERY night...though I actually now consider this quite a cool little perk. Upsides are that I am much more relaxed simply by not overthinking the small stuff too much. My widgy works perfectly, too, though in the first few weeks of Citalopram I simply could.not.ejaculate. (it's copious now, though, geet big dollops o' the stuff) It feels like feng shui for the mind, like I said it's very subtle. I also experience very little anxiety, socially, especially (Christ, got a very tasty 21 year old after me, and I'm 37!) and can now smoke spliff regularly without fear of 'whiteys'(!)

One thing I can say for sure...if they're not working after a month or so, or are giving some bad side effects, then it's wise to 'shop around' 'cos some people fare better on certain types, like with me Citalopram is pretty symbiotic and I still feel very much myself, not overly medicated, I'm not getting that 'emotions beneath the ice' feeling I often got on Prozac, I can still cry and feel sad when I need to. Mate, I know they're a bit odd to begin with but once they 'hit', you'll wonder why you hadn't bothered sooner.

[dataDave]

Throw those ****ing pills down the toilet and hit the weights, that's my advice! Transform your physical body and your mind will have no choice but to get dragged along.

[JazzFunk]

Aw, maaaaaan, I've been meditating (and lifting) a LOT the last week or so, EVERYTHING, everybody seems to think I'm golden, why not believe it, eh?! Ten years lost to self-doubt, what an idiot I am.

F*ck negativity.