Digitiser

[prinnysquad]

I wrote in and made it onto the page...dont remember what about now...but Biffo ignored my letter and just took the piss out of my surname! I was livid at the time

Tell us what it is, and you can re-live the glory!

I love pgs 5 and 7 of the Shop Terror sequence above, it really tickles me

[parkinho]

Loved Digitiser! Zombie Dave, Mr T, the snakes, Gossi the Dog - loved them all. Moc-moc-a-moc!

[kryss]

Digitiser was the best thing on TV, I was another who used to read it before school. It's probably the reason I can read so quickly.

[prinnysquad]

Transcript of the last ever Ring Sir:

Holy cracknell! I'm Phoning Honey, the made-up guy who just can't stop phoning people to yank their pranks. Why do I do it? Nobody knows. How come I look like I do? Nobody knows that either. What happens when I stop doing this? I just don't know. Nobody knows.


For my last ever telephone prank transcript, I have dialed a leading UK TV text service, to complain
about one of their sections. Names? ATTENTION: Names have been changed!


TV TEXT, LONDON

TVT: Hello.

US: Hi, yeah. I just want to know what you think you're doing.

TVT: With regard to what, sorry?

US: Well, I mean. With this filth that you've been putting out recently.

TVT: What filth is that?

US: You know what I'm talking about. The filth on your video games pages. I mean, the thing is my kids read that, you know what I'm saying? How do I explain to them what they're seeing?

TVT: I'm not sure I'm really with you.

US: Well, I've been keeping a log. On the 27 of Feb, right, they put up a picture of a Licorice Allsort that
looked like a... well I'm not going to say it because my kids are in here. But you know what I mean, don't you?

TVT: I can't say I do. Sorry, what are you talking about here, exactly?

US: Listen to this, listen to what I'm saying. On the 18th of February, you had the Tinman from the Wizard of Oz, yeah, and he was saying stuff that I just don't want to repeat on here.

TVT: If you don't want to repeat it, I can't really deal with it, can I?

US: I don't know, can you...?

TVT: ... What... I... So, sorry. What, you're registering a complaint?

US: Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm doing.

TVT: So, let me get this right. You have an issue with our video games pages, is that right?

US: Yes. Listen, yeah. On Feb 18, yeah? On Feb 18 there was a picture of a cowboy, yeah. And his hat was... well, it wasn't a hat is what I'm saying.

TVT: What was it then?

US: You know what it was. Don't make me say it out loud. My kids are in the room. And they're crying. And it was YOU who made them cry.

TVT: I'm sorry if your kids are upset, but I don't really see...

US: No, that's just it, isn't it? You people, with your fast cars and your silk ties never see, do you? You just think it's funny to display filth for all to see.

TVT: I can assure that everything we do is checked before it is aired. I'm sure that if...

US: No. No, you listen. I don't want excuses. I want action.

TVT: I'm afraid that unless you're a bit more specific about your complaint, all I can do is log your call.

US: Right. OK. I'll give you specifics. On Feb 19, you once again had the Tinman, and this time he was spouting off about being a... y'know. A whatsit.

TVT: A whatsit?

US: Yeah. You know. I mean, what does stuff like that have to do with video games anyway? It's just stupid, and it makes me actually very sick.

TVT: Well I'm sorry about all of that. Can I take your name?

US: What do you want my name for? So you can use it as a source of ridicule on your stupid video game pages?

TVT: I assure you that it's purely for the purposes of logging your call.

US: Well, in that case then, I'd be happy to give it to you. My name is Doctor Budd Buttocks, MD.

PHONECALL ENDS IN SNIGGERING (OURS)
--------------------------------------------------

It was based on Daragon, apparently.

[punio75]

[prinnysquad]

Biffo's Final Tribute List

In Digitiser's 10-year existence, it has been Mr Biffo's sincere privilege to interact with some splendid types.

By way of a coda to this, the final edition of Digi ever, here is a sincere and slightly sentimental round-up of all the people he'd like to thank for
their part in the Digi story.

One way or another every name on the following pages has helped keep him sticking to the pages, in the face of often overwhelming corporate film-flammery. And then? That is it.

TIM MOORE, without whom Digitiser wouldn't have happened in the first place. And if it had, it wouldn't have been even slightly funny.

GAVIN LAMBERT, aka Mr Udders, the unsung hero of Digitiser. He chased the games. He inputted the letters, tips and charts. And he put up with Biffo's frequent, prima donna-fuelled beatings.

ANDY LOWE, then-editor of .Net Directory, for giving Biffo his first professional writing work outside of Digitiser.

CHRIS BELL, and DAVID McCAFFERY, whose splendid Digi tribute websites at www.moleman.freeserve.co.uk and www.bell101.freeserve.co.uk helped the amnesia, and encouraged Biffo to persevere when enthusiasm waned. (Dead links, unfortunately)

ALEX GARLAND, because his infectious positivity single-handedly encouraged Biffo to reinstate the funnies for a final, marathon stint of absurdity.

VIOLET BERLIN, Digitiser's first-ever celebrity endorsement, and a lovely person to boot.

JOHN PICKFORD, of developer ZedTwo. A big Digi fan, and a fine chap, but he kindly shone a happy beacon during the darkest period of Digitiser's history. It hasn't been forgotten.

MILES at Sports Interactive, CHARLIE BROOKER, MEV DINC, STE CURRAN, and Teletext's own JUDY REES for all saying nice things at one time or another.

THAT BLOKE who used to send us nude Polaroids of his girlfriend in return for free games.

THE EDGE FORUMITES for some genuinely moving posts over the past few months. There are too many of you to name individually, but every kind word was appreciated, and noted down in a special book.

DIGITISER'S READERS for some equally moving letters, both in the last few weeks, and during the notorious Digigate saga of 2001.

It's going to be very hard to leave this bizarre, extended Digitiser family that has unexpectedly grown up.

TONY MOTT, because he's probably feeling he needs all the love and support he can get this weekend.

ADAM KEEBLE, because we guess we should mention him, even though he thinks Digitiser is only as popular as it is because he once wrote a few reviews for it back in 1994.

TELETEXT'S CURRENT SUB-EDITORS,because, let's face it, you're the most lenient bunch we've ever had, and have let us literally get away with murder over the past month or so. Hip-hip!

THE VARIOUS PR PEOPLE, AND DEVELOPERS WE'VE MET OVER THE YEARS who haven't treated us like we'd just crawled out of their trouser cheese.

Again, too many names to mention, but special big-ups to Stephen Hey, Dene Landucci, Simon and Mark at Bastion, that Reuben guy who used to work for Nintendo, and Thingy with the nice big thighs, who once worked at Konami.

There are more, but it's late, and we're drunk. It's been emotional. Do you se... aw, heck. You know the rest.

[prinnysquad]

[vanpeebles]

Cuss-me-do

[charlesr]

yrrrrr rrrrr rrrrrlll frrrrrrrrgggggnnnnnnn ggggggrrrrrrrtttttttt

[Adam]

Got a couple letters on there, mostly gaming tips Used to remember the time teletext updated the pages and I'd stay up for it...

[vanpeebles]

I remember the superb skit of pc gamers, where it was some dweeb and his mates were bobbafett32 etc.

[prinnysquad]

haha yeah I remember that! Very funny. ffffffkkkkkkkknnnnnn cccccnnnnnttttssss!

Digi was a phenomenon, its humour and characters got under your skin and you got sucked in big time. Very much something that, if you put the time in, you had a great laugh.

[QualityChimp]

haha yeah I remember that! Very funny. ffffffkkkkkkkknnnnnn cccccnnnnnttttssss!

Huh? What on earth could you possibly be saying?

[prinnysquad]

Clue: it's a synonym for Qqqqlllltttyyyyy CCccccchhhhhmmmpppp

[QualityChimp]

bbbbbbbllllllllll nnnnnnnndddd