The Relationship Thread-Good, Bad or Indifferent.

[112]

Glad things worked out Spooky Mulder! Stay Strong bro! And thanks for updating us, tis not easy to vent to stranges online I know...

Elaniel, that is absolutley shocking! She tried to suffocate you? As terrible as it was, atleast you now have an absolute answer as to how you feel about her now... Keep possititive!

112

[Dirty Sanchez]

Go on you Spooks - sounds like result all round.

Elaniel - people pay good money for that sort of treatment, she sounds like a keeper.........not. ;-)

[EDDIE M0NS00N]

Jesus Elaniel!! That is some crazy lady you had right there mate! Another 1 to add to the 'crazy bitch' section that a lot of us seem to have gotten caught up in. As others have said it looks like you were best out of there mate, especially after that encounter.

Dont worry about the crying thing. We've all been there. Sometimes I even think about what happened with my ex & it still brings a tear to my eye even now over 3 yrs since it ended.
And I know how it feels to be lonely mate. All my friends moved away after my relationship ended, so I was left with no one to turn to. My bro was pretty good for a while, but he's got a family & work to focus on. My parents & I arent close. My mum was ok for a bit but then it became about her crappy life which I just couldnt deal with when I was in that state of mind. My dad just didnt want to hear a word of it & threatened to boot me out if I spoke about it.
I too have a problem with socialising mate. I dont drink & feel a bit dodgy when mingling, & I still dont have lot of ppl around me now. Just gotta keep a clear head I suppose.

Anyway, just take of yourself mate (& thanks for selling me the DS Lite ).

[elaniel]

No problem about the DS. Thanks very much for the support guys, it really does help.

[fishbowlhead]

Last time i checked im pretty sure suffocation was illegal


Glad to hear your doing better as well eddie, pretty bad time for you those years ago, did you ever think about my travelling suggestion?

[EDDIE M0NS00N]

Glad to hear your doing better as well eddie, pretty bad time for you those years ago, did you ever think about my travelling suggestion?

Thanks mate. Was a really f**ked up time for me, but I had been losing my mind b4 then cos of all that happened. Like I said I should've sorted it there n then & got to the bottom of it, but circumstances werent so great at the time, & even tho it subsided it was always there in the back of my mind waiting to be triggered again.

And yeah man I did seriously think about the travelling suggestion you made. In fact sometimes I still think about just getting away from here & going abroad for a while. Just didnt have the cash cos I was only working PT. Would still consider it should the opportunity arise & should I have the cash. Would've loved to have gone to Japan like I said, but thats looking a little unlikely due to Japans unfortunate current situation. Australia sounded just as good tho .

[Spooky]

Good for you. The comments to her parents were probably unnecessary though, they're always going to side with the daughter. You just have to keep the certainty of knowing you've done nothing wrong to yourself. Hope you find a home soon.

Hi StuM82,

Thanks for your reply mate. I understand where you're coming from about the comments, but I've always done my best to defend those who have been wronged and so I was sure as hell not going to leave there with them believing that our relationship had 'naturally broken down.' Frak knows what she's told her friends and I know I shouldn't care but if she's bad mouthing me and making me out to be this monster that she is to 'The New Guy,' it's just seriously annoying as I can't defend myself against it. One file uploaded to the net for all to see would prove what a lying nut case she is! Not surprisingly, I've had zero replies from the friends of hers/ours that I sent texts to, so I'm assuming she's told them the same as 'The New Guy.'
Yeah, finding a home would be awesome. I'm thinking about maybe posting something on here to see if anyone in London could put me up for a reasonable fee till next Feb seeing as all my other options are very quickly being struck off...

You say it can come across as harsh and cold, but it's not. It may sound silly, but small things I did myself have given me relief little by little.

Hi Elaniel,

I know exactly what you mean. I honestly thought that I would have had some trepidation in deleting those hundreds of photos of her and us, but there wasn't. I just collated them all, right clicked, selected 'Move to Rubbish Bin' and emptied it without a second thought. I've completely disconnected people in my past because of things they've done to affect my life or that of my family etc., but this, after the shock of discovering the truth and going through the whole fear of being alone and homeless, I realised that I had, as many people pointed out, the perfect escape. If it had ended any other way it may have been different, but finally getting the evidence that confirmed my suspicions was just the release I needed, I just needed to realise it myself and when I did, it truly was like stepping out of some oppressive nightmare into a reality I had completely forgotten.

Hey Tomato, Hey Kryss,

Again, I understand your points of view, but I just don't want to have anything in my life that reminds me of her, her betrayal or her lies. In the last 4 years she has added nothing to my life, I don't feel I have grown as a person. If anything, she made me revert to being more of what I used to be, reserved, quiet and shy, especially in the last 2 years. But simply being free of her for even this short length of time has been amazing. All the confidence I thought I'd lost has come back with a vengeance. It scares me that I had no idea how much she had suppressed my personality... its truly disturbing... And it feels so good to not be looking over my shoulder or always having to think about how to phrase my words before speaking just in case it makes something kick off like it always did most of the time. Treading on eggshells constantly is massively draining. When people say they feel like a weight has been lifted from them... for the first time in my life, I now know exactly what they mean...

@StuM82
Nah. Sometimes being the bigger person really sucks. All of this "the best revenge is living well" is nonsense. If you let someone walk all over you, they will continue doing it. Letting her parents know what kind of a daughter she is, and why a decent guy is leaving her is perfect retribution for what she did. Without it, someone of her calibur would probably lie to her parents and blame him for the break up.

Well played mate!

Hi Resonance!

It's funny, my mum said to me that I should just let it lie and that I'm a better person than that. Sorry, but I only had one thing to say to that.... Bollocks. The truth is SHE doesn't want to look like a bad person in the eyes of her parents and friends and so why the hell should I let her get away with that after how she has treated and disprespected me?! As people have said to me on here during this whole event, the only one who is going to look after me is me and so I took a stand and defended myself as now one else was there to do it for me. Her father is a man of old school values and morals and we had a really good relationship, so I at least wanted him to know that I was leaving for good reasons, (and I know he'll see it as her throwing away a good, reliable, respectable guy who did anything and everything for her, for what... a bit of fun that will probably amount to nothing?!), not for the BS reason she had told them which made me look like some pathetic guy who just left without trying to fight for what he was losing. There was no fight because there was nothing to save. She did the cheating thing before and actually back then told her parents! She's done it again now and undoubtedly she'll do it again with the next guy unless he drops her first, which seems more likely. I can genuinely say she's dead to me, I genuinely feel nothing about her anymore. Which reminds me of something. She went to meet the original EX when she was with me to 'make sure she had got over him and could move on with me.' She was really offended when he told her, and I had to laugh, that she was, 'some random pathetic memory, like when you remember throwing up somewhere when you were drunk once, that's how much you mean to me now.' I know exactly how he felt when he said that!!! Thanks for your support Resonance, I couldn't have played it any other way, if I did, it would have haunted me forever not putting things straight.

Spooky, don't want to come over all Charlie Sheen but that entire post was made of win. Awesome stuff, and a rarity to see someone not caving in under the pressure. That post should be used as an example of the right way to do things, the next time someone here get cheated on.

Darwock! Flattery will get you everywhere! Seriously, thanks for your words but I think you're hyping me up waaaaay to much! I was only doing the one thing that made sense. They had to know the truth and was more than prepared to show it to them but in the end had no reason to, my sheer calmness and willingness to 'catagorically prove' their daughter was lying to them was enough. Like I said above, if I hadn't have done that, it would have haunted me to know that even her family were living with her lies. I will admit though, you saying my post was made of win, made me feel almost as confident as Mr Sheen himself, though a little less nuts!

That was brilliant. I sort of wish I could end things on top in the same way as you did. Congrats for talking to her parents like that - hopefully it'll result in her taking some sort of responsibility and will force her to be accountable for a change.

BTW, 4 grand?! How?

Hey Lyris!

Thanks for your kind words also! Wow! So much praise for something that just seemed completely logical to me. I think my situation was a lot different from yours, I had two options, leave, say nothing and believe myself to be the doormat I'd become, thus probably never recovering my confidence again or tell the truth of what had happened and why her parents would really never see me again. I doubt she'll ever change. I now believe that the saying, 'once a cheat, always a cheat', is pretty much written in stone.
As for the 4 grand... I made the mistake of paying off her overdraft to help her out... twice... yes... I am a frakking idiot...

Nice one Spooky mate! And I have to agree with a few of the guys on here regarding your convo with her parents. That was a spot on, & she deserves to be outed as a bull****ter to them for what she did, & has probably done in past relationships. You were cutting all ties, so might aswell go out in a blaze of glory!!


And regarding the 4 grand: my mum always told me always make sure you look after yourself b4 anyoen else, even in a relationship, & never even lend them big amounts of money. I'm glad I took her advice & didnt bail my ex out of her 2 grand overdraft b4 it all went pearshaped!!


Anyway, its fantastic to hear such a great outcome. Well done, & good luck for the future Spooky!!

Ahh... Mr EDDIE_MONSOON

Good to hear from you! Again, thanks for the kind words and praise and support! Makes for a happy Spooky!
You're so right about the blaze of glory, it was a case of now or never I'd I never would have been able to live with myself if I hadn't said anything. I made a hint to it in the text messages I sent her friends, but she's probably fed them all her bull**** by now already, so it's probably too late... unless I upload the evidence and send the link for them all to get the truth for themselves! But they'd still all side with her, so there's no point.
Thanks for the luck! I'm gonna need it! Just want a roof over my head instead of crashing at friends and over staying my welcome!

Glad things worked out Spooky Mulder! Stay Strong bro! And thanks for updating us, tis not easy to vent to stranges online I know...

112

Hey there 112,

Thanks for the reply. No worries about the update! You guys have all been there with your advice and words so I thought it only right to keep you in the loop and let you know what was going on. As for venting to strangers, I think it's been the best thing I could have done for that situation. Somehow, it has proved easier to put all this out there into the domain of this forum than it ever was to talk about with my friends or family and still has proved to be. Some of you have actually helped me far beyond what I could have hoped for and far beyond what I expected and I appreciate that more than I can actually explain. I truly thought I wouldn't get a reply, that I'd be pouring my heart out just to myself, the posts lost in the mountain of threads, but the honest response from you all has been truly eye opening and genuinely heart warming and has honestly restored my faith in human kind to quite a degree. Hence my eagerness for this 10th Anniversary meet to take place so I can say thank you to you guys in person and buy you a drink as a small token of my thanks. Honestly, it's been amazingly surprising reading the honesty on these pages and even though I can be honest to a fault, I can honestly say I'm so glad I stuck with this forum, the first and only one that ever attracted my attention.

Thanks all, I always around somewhere and always free for a PM if needs regarding stuff and randomness!

Cheers, Spooky

[kryss]

she was, 'some random pathetic memory, like when you remember throwing up somewhere when you were drunk once, that's how much you mean to me now.'

That brought a smile to my face.

[DeathAdder]

Hey Tomato, Hey Kryss,

Again, I understand your points of view, etc.

Oh, I don't mean to imply that my opinion is the correct one - obviously everybody has to do what works best for them.

Onwards and upwards - good luck!

[Neon Ignition]

The post-break up period can be a real eye opener in some cases. It's amazing how you can be with someone for such a massive amount of time and as soon as you break up they're all too willing to stab you in the back. The kick 'em when they're down approach seems to worryingly common too. Back in the day with my ex she broke it all off after going off her rocker a bit and doing the nasty with a work colleague. Whilst she was out at work one day I thought it'd be the easiest option to nip round hers and get the last of my things, ended up spending a bit of time with her parents who were wondering what had happened as it turned out that she's told them what she'd done but made it out as me who'd done it. That's probably the thing that kicks the most in break ups. It's not so much the end of the relationship that hurts, but the sheer lack of decency and respect displayed at times.

[EDDIE M0NS00N]

That brought a smile to my face.

Me too .

[EDDIE M0NS00N]

Edited. Nothing to see here

[Lyris]

That was not the thing that hurt the most, and this is no joke. I was crying on my bed and she proceeded to grab a pillow and hold it over my face. Now, I'm a big guy at 6'3" and managed to get her off of me, after a few seconds of utter shock of what was happening, with no problem but it was the fact she had tried to do something so audacious I couldn't believe what had happened.

What the actual ****?!

You've called the police about this, right? You my friend have been assaulted. What happened after she tried to suffocate you? Did she just get up and leave or what? I can't imagine what that must feel like!

[toythatkills]

What the actual ****?!

You've called the police about this, right? You my friend have been assaulted. What happened after she tried to suffocate you? Did she just get up and leave or what? I can't imagine what that must feel like!

Kinda seems like it'd be pointless to. It's her word against his, and he's a big guy at 6'3". Who's a jury gonna believe?

[elaniel]

Going to the police would make it ugly, rather forget about it as if she wanted to be extremely spiteful she could attempt to make it far worse if the police did get involved. Prefer to just be rid of her. She started crying and saying sorry but I asked her to leave and she did.