The Relationship Thread-Good, Bad or Indifferent.

[teddymeow]

Sweet man. So close to a new start in life. For some, it can be a blessing! Use it well!

I utterly intend to. She's not worth anymore of my time or energy!

I'm sure there'll be a couple more blips before I'm back to my normal self but I have some good people around me that have done an amazing job of watching my back!

[elaniel]

Elaniel, get into Monster Hunter. I recommend Tri on the Wii, and if you have a NA console I'll come and join you! Don't forget to hop on IRC for a chat too.

I may have a US Wii but the only UK Wii game I have for it is Tri. Typical eh? LOL
I've been getting the stages of the break up now thrown at me. "It's my fault" "I never tried" "I never loved them" via text.

I'm gonna check out that book too.

I really appreciate the help from you all guys, much obliged. I may not be able to play Tri, but if anyone sees me on LIVE, I'm always up for some gaming there to take my mind off things

[Spooky]

Hello all again. It's been a while since I updated you all with the nonsense going on in my life, so here goes...

I never responded to HER text asking to meet up a couple of Saturdays ago, but did respond to her parents in relation to getting my stuff out of their house. A couple of days later I received another text from HER saying that the lack of response to her but the contact with her parents makes her believe that I hate her and never want to speak to her or see her again... (Hmmm... yeah, I'd say that's pretty accurate!) But she did take the opportunity to tell me that still wants me in her life because believe it or not, she still loves me and wants to get to know me again... Yeah... whatever...

Anyway, I collected the majority of my stuff a couple of weekends ago and had an interesting chat with her parents. Somewhere amidst the conversation about random day to day crap and how sad they were that this had happened, I asked if they had been introduced to the 'new guy' yet. The mother immediately jumped in and told me that there was no one else and that I just to accept that our relationship has come to a natural end and move on. I laughed and told her that her daughter was lying to her. Her mum looked me straight in the eyes and said 'I can categorically tell you that there is no one else, so drop it' So, I looked her square in the eye and said 'I can categorically prove to you that she is lying to you. Would you like me to do that now?' The mothers eyes shifted to look at the father who was just staring into the distance not saying a word and the only word that came out of her mouth was 'No...' And so I left, with absolute certainty that the mother is well aware of whats been going on with her daughter. As I was leaving, they escorted me to the door, the father shook my hand and said he was sorry for what had happened and the mother hugged me. I told them that I have no problem with them, that what has happened is the result of their daughters infidelity and I just wanted them to know the truth and understand that I deserved to air my side of the story considering I'd been part of the family for the last few. They couldn't say anything to that. (Though, I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall once she came back home, as her father is a very down to earth person with old school morals, so, yeah, I reckon the **** hit the fan that night!)
I finished collecting the last of my belongings on Wednesday, including our hamster (yay!). I sent texts to a selection of her friends who I had got on well with over the years, thanking them for their friendship and wishing them all the best for the future, as unfortunately I'll never be having any contact with any of them again. And so, it has all come to an end. So, how do I feel...? Truthfully...? Good... really good... surprisingly good! I think realistically I'd been waiting for this to come to an end for the last 2 years and coupled with the fact that it had come to an end due to her cheating on me has made it easier to disconnect from the situation. All the photos and evidence of the last 4 years has been deleted as I have no desire to revisit a wasted part of my life. Some would say that's very harsh and cold, but I have no reason to keep a reminder in my life of someone who has wasted my time and had so little respect for me that instead of telling me their feelings had changed, decided to finish things by cheating on me and believing me to be so utterly stupid as not to realize what was happening.
So, now, I feel more free and more at ease with myself than I ever have at any stage of my life. No more concessions, no more treading on eggshells, no more compromising, just me, concentrating on myself (and finding a home... dammit), and concentrating on what I want in my life and what I believe to be the important things in my life!

Oh, I forgot to mention that when there on Wednesday, I dropped the bombshell that their daughter owes me 4 grand and that if it isn't returned to me at some point within the year I will be taking action to recover it when my position is finally stable in the new year. The father did his staring into the middle distance thing again. I wonder how that night went when she got home!?

I just want to thank all of you for your support and words over the course of this nonsense scenario. I seriously have appreciated every bit of help and advice and humour, you've really, really helped me when I needed help the most and from such an unexpected source. Thank you all... you guys are the best, cheers!

And if there is an NTSC-UK meet for the anniversary, I'll be buying a few drinks for those that were there for me and everyone else on this thread! It's just got to be done!

[NW2013]

Good for you. The comments to her parents were probably unnecessary though, they're always going to side with the daughter. You just have to keep the certainty of knowing you've done nothing wrong to yourself. Hope you find a home soon.

[elaniel]

You say it can come across as harsh and cold, but it's not. It may sound silly, but small things I did myself have given me relief little by little.

For example: Changing Facebook status to single, deleting the number, saying goodbye to different aspects of that life with the previous partner. All those little things may come across as cold, but they ease a weight and help build the foundations of being our own person again and rebuilding a life without the person we were previously in a relationship with.

I can say yesterday evening I was able to smile for the first time since my breakup happened and am confident enough in myself now to know that I'm going to be okay. I was just laying in bed listening to some trance music and it just made me feel happy and remind myself of the good times hanging out with my old friends at a club. It seems a bit odd being able to smile again so soon after, but that just seems to prove to me that it wasn't the relationship for me.

[DeathAdder]

I kept a few pictures of my ex-wife, and certainly kept a load of the places we went to together. No point pretending those years didn't happen. I don't look at them very often, but there you go. New wife doesn't mind me keeping them on my hard drive. You never know - someone might write my biography one day and be grateful for an archive of photos.

[kryss]

I'll never deleted the photos of my life with my ex. i won't have them out in public for sure but I can't just pretend that 6 years didn't happen.

Plus that's pretty much the WHOLE time I spent in Japan.

[Resonance]

@StuM82
Nah. Sometimes being the bigger person really sucks. All of this "the best revenge is living well" is nonsense. If you let someone walk all over you, they will continue doing it. Letting her parents know what kind of a daughter she is, and why a decent guy is leaving her is perfect retribution for what she did. Without it, someone of her calibur would probably lie to her parents and blame him for the break up.

Well played mate!

[Darwock]

Spooky, don't want to come over all Charlie Sheen but that entire post was made of win. Awesome stuff, and a rarity to see someone not caving in under the pressure. That post should be used as an example of the right way to do things, the next time someone here get cheated on.

[Lyris]

That was brilliant. I sort of wish I could end things on top in the same way as you did. Congrats for talking to her parents like that - hopefully it'll result in her taking some sort of responsibility and will force her to be accountable for a change.

BTW, 4 grand?! How?

[EDDIE M0NS00N]

Nice one Spooky mate! And I have to agree with a few of the guys on here regarding your convo with her parents. That was a spot on, & she deserves to be outed as a bull****ter to them for what she did, & has probably done in past relationships. You were cutting all ties, so might aswell go out in a blaze of glory!!


And regarding the 4 grand: my mum always told me always make sure you look after yourself b4 anyoen else, even in a relationship, & never even lend them big amounts of money. I'm glad I took her advice & didnt bail my ex out of her 2 grand overdraft b4 it all went pearshaped!!


Anyway, its fantastic to hear such a great outcome. Well done, & good luck for the future Spooky!!

[elaniel]

Had a bit of a confrontation with my ex last night. Came around to clear some stuff out and wanted to see if we could remain friends as she knows I don't really have anyone. After talking for a while I made it abundantly clear that we would not get back together but in time we could possibly hang out (as we always were good friends). I actually ended up becoming really good friends with an ex back home when I lived in the USA.

I realized that she had actually come over for closure and confirmation that we would never get back together (as I know she hadn't accepted that I wanted it over). She played my loneliness off of me which really hurt me even though she claimed that was not the reason she came over as she truly did want to try and be friends. I did make it clear that if that was to happen then it would be a long while off, but she made sure last night that damned well would not happen.

That was not the thing that hurt the most, and this is no joke. I was crying on my bed and she proceeded to grab a pillow and hold it over my face. Now, I'm a big guy at 6'3" and managed to get her off of me, after a few seconds of utter shock of what was happening, with no problem but it was the fact she had tried to do something so audacious I couldn't believe what had happened.

So yes, I may not have admitted it before but there was a small amount of feelings there, but after last night I'm over, done, kaput, finished, no regret, no remorse, no sorrow. I'm over it.

[QualityChimp]

she proceeded to grab a pillow and hold it over my face. Now, I'm a big guy at 6'3" and managed to get her off of me, after a few seconds of utter shock of what was happening, with no problem but it was the fact she had tried to do something so audacious I couldn't believe what had happened.

Wait, she tried to suffocate you last night?

She sounds like a keeper...

I'm not too far away, mate.
If you want a trip out or go to the cinema or something normal for a bit, just give me a shout next time you see me on Live.
Sounds like you need a bit of a break from all this.

[elaniel]

That's what she tried to do, yeah.

Thanks Chimp I may take you up on that offer.

[Resonance]

Dude. If something like that happens, call the police. If the roles were reversed, you would be banged up. Domestic violence is not okay, just because a woman did it. Gotta be smart about how you do it as she could quite easily claim that you hit her, but at least never have anything to do with her again.