The Banter Thread / Banter Topic / Sean Bean

[supersmithy]

i think i know the one you're on about... quite long, till etc on the left? some diiiiiiiiiiiiirty kebabs in there. memories. next time i come home we need to get nige and go out somewhere

Thats the one! They do kebabs in giant naans. Can't go wrong with them, unless your sober of course!

[VR46]

?200 Daewoo DVD/Video Recorder Combo thingy packed up this morning, found receipt, 12 month warranty expired May 27th 2006 - fooking 4 days ago, swear these things have a built in clock to go wrong as soon as the warranty expires, time to get phoning Comet & Daewoo, joy of joys.

[VR46]

not that anyone's probably interested, Comet told me to get lost, phoned Daewoo direct and they are sending out an Engineer who'll repair the item free of charge

Summer 2006 is almost here. To celebrate this many supermarket stores are giving away free barbecues to all that can go and collect them.

You can get a free BBQ from any of the following stores.
* ASDA
* Morrisons
* Costco
* Kwik Save
* Somerfield
* Aldi
* Sainsbury
* Tesco
* Iceland
* Netto
All BBQs come with a higher shelf which can be used for keeping
things warm!

PLEASE NOTE: Some stores may charge a ?1 administration fee.
If you wish to see a picture of this product please see attachment.

[eastyy]

Hope the conversation did not go like this

Comet: get lost

Davidhollis:but i have not said why i have phoned up yet

[VR46]

nah, I even got to speak to a girl on the till !!

[Ish]

Sadly it was Dr. Nydo and not Bydo. I was disappointed to say the least.

[Kieran76]

Boo, hiss. Getting our hopes up. Still, I hope your breasts are ok.

[Ish]

After finding out he wasn't called Bydo I wouldn't let him near them. I was disgusted.

[VR46]

Tesco's

One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him
"My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!"

"Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and
the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It
takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better
than a doctor and you get Club Card points".

So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco. He
deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine
sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis
elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in
two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Tesco ".

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack
began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.

Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He
deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4) Your wife is pregnant with twins, they aren't yours, get a lawyer.
5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never
get better........

Thank you for shopping at Tesco.

[marcus]

What was that I saw on the front of the ES last night about how Tesco have banned the StGeorge flag from its stores?

[thebuddahman]

I'm waiting for it to turn to night in Shenmue.......... Ha! I've also prevented a bloke on a scooter from going anywhere for the last 6 hours now as I'm blocking his path.

Class game

[Wools]

What have you been up to this weekend?

It's been lovely this weekend so tell us how you've been contributing to society.

Managed to wake up at a decent time on Saturday, went shopping and looked at some classic cars in the high street. Had some lunch in town with friends then back to mine to cut the lawn and wash the car. The evening was spent round a friends with some beers watching the brillant Three Kings.

Sunday was a lot more lazy affiar with a kickabout in the backgarden with my brother and Top Gear.

How has everyone been making the most of the weekend?

[Dirty Sanchez]

Went to Brighouse Bay in Dumfries and Galloway for the weekend in my motorhome. Spent the day at the beach, sea was a very agreeable temperature, must be the Gulf Stream.

BBQ in the evening, breakfast on the beach on Sunday morning.

Well relaxed and well burnt, it was scorchio.

[Distant Cousin]

Got my first GCSE Maths exam at 1.30.


**** **** **** **** ****!

[VR46]

good luck, rather you than me.

Know you dislike Beckham jokes Marcus

Sky News:

Rooney will be able to play in the group stages of the World Cup if he is given a cortisone injection.

David Beckham reacted to the news by stating that ? if Rooney gets a new car he wants one as well? !!