Hi all,
I rarely, if ever, post on topics such as this, but feel in a bit of a bind.
I’ve been seeing my fianc?e for about two years now and she was the one who proposed to me about 3 months ago – which was lovely. However, we’ve always had our arguments like all couples but recently I cannot understand where she is coming from (and yeah I know that is women by their very nature!).
We’ve been spending a bit of time apart recently, just 2-3 days or so, so I can clear my head etc. and I have started de-cluttering my place and getting everything sorted – selling much of my old stuff as I tend to put a lot of energy into my past and past objects, which obviously need to go, and now have. For the last few months she has constantly been complaining we don’t have fun – although every attempt including one today to surprise her and take her out, including one today – she seems to enjoy at the time then begins complaining about the same thing when we get back!?
I’m doing a bit of supply teaching at the mo. While I get my head straighter and am hopefully going into business with my uncle next year, as well as currently doing the books/accounts for her business, but at least three times now she’s called me a jobless prick (as I do bits of work, enough to keep me ok but not have a lot of cash), yet encourages me not to do anything I don’t want to – which is not only paradoxical, but very confusing! I was undertaking a PhD but that is currently on hold and can tend to get a bit cerebral with problems/issues, read the psychology of things and read up on lots of ways to improve life etc. I also used to be a great writer (or so I was told!) and am currently working on my book and have had some bits and bobs published in the past, which she seems to think by not doing I hold myself back – another thing she suddenly blurted out tonight. Although I feel I’m pretty ok at the mo, and was actually feeling great until she went mental! I have been known to display signs of depression the past but can usually keep it under control and have been in a really chipper mood the last few days, so I’m unsure why she wants to argue all the time.
I know without a lot of context this all may seem a bit vague but I’m kind of at a loose end here. I’ve been out with a lot of women in my day (I’m such a handsome rascal! :-D) but only 2-3 serious relationships, the last of which lasted 7 years, but I’ve never encountered someone so hot/cold – or someone that seems to turn on a dime as it were. She seems to complain she is unhappy, but yet seems unwilling to end the relationship, and again tends to get very angry then calm down and reassess it – her favourite phrases being ‘I just want us to have some fun’ and ‘I didn’t do anything’ the latter in relation to starting arguments etc.!
Anyway I understand there could be a myriad of issues etc. here but I thought I’d post asking for opinions as cannot sleep at the mo so seems like a constructive thing to do…hopefully!
I rarely, if ever, post on topics such as this, but feel in a bit of a bind.
I’ve been seeing my fianc?e for about two years now and she was the one who proposed to me about 3 months ago – which was lovely. However, we’ve always had our arguments like all couples but recently I cannot understand where she is coming from (and yeah I know that is women by their very nature!).
We’ve been spending a bit of time apart recently, just 2-3 days or so, so I can clear my head etc. and I have started de-cluttering my place and getting everything sorted – selling much of my old stuff as I tend to put a lot of energy into my past and past objects, which obviously need to go, and now have. For the last few months she has constantly been complaining we don’t have fun – although every attempt including one today to surprise her and take her out, including one today – she seems to enjoy at the time then begins complaining about the same thing when we get back!?
I’m doing a bit of supply teaching at the mo. While I get my head straighter and am hopefully going into business with my uncle next year, as well as currently doing the books/accounts for her business, but at least three times now she’s called me a jobless prick (as I do bits of work, enough to keep me ok but not have a lot of cash), yet encourages me not to do anything I don’t want to – which is not only paradoxical, but very confusing! I was undertaking a PhD but that is currently on hold and can tend to get a bit cerebral with problems/issues, read the psychology of things and read up on lots of ways to improve life etc. I also used to be a great writer (or so I was told!) and am currently working on my book and have had some bits and bobs published in the past, which she seems to think by not doing I hold myself back – another thing she suddenly blurted out tonight. Although I feel I’m pretty ok at the mo, and was actually feeling great until she went mental! I have been known to display signs of depression the past but can usually keep it under control and have been in a really chipper mood the last few days, so I’m unsure why she wants to argue all the time.
I know without a lot of context this all may seem a bit vague but I’m kind of at a loose end here. I’ve been out with a lot of women in my day (I’m such a handsome rascal! :-D) but only 2-3 serious relationships, the last of which lasted 7 years, but I’ve never encountered someone so hot/cold – or someone that seems to turn on a dime as it were. She seems to complain she is unhappy, but yet seems unwilling to end the relationship, and again tends to get very angry then calm down and reassess it – her favourite phrases being ‘I just want us to have some fun’ and ‘I didn’t do anything’ the latter in relation to starting arguments etc.!
Anyway I understand there could be a myriad of issues etc. here but I thought I’d post asking for opinions as cannot sleep at the mo so seems like a constructive thing to do…hopefully!
Maybe have a look at what you both do during the time you spend together too. Taking her here, there and everywhere to entertain her and meet that 'fun' she's looking for likely won't work as she's probably using the term as code for wanting something more couply and reassuring. I guess it also depends how she was before the engagement came about also and since then whether you've discussed your long term plans as a couple (she might have been expecting wedding plans)
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