The Banter Thread / Banter Topic / Sean Bean

[jimmbob]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/southern_counties/6182155.stm

A man got so drunk he passed out on a railway line.

Kevin Craswell, who used the track as a pillow and had his feet inches from the live rail at Epsom, was heard snoring. Neither a train or helicopter woke him.

Lol, we've all been there. I bet he gets some stick off the lads when he's doing his community service.

[Yoshimax]

BBC Midweek Quiz - Teen Slang.
I scored a "Gopping" 2 out of 10.
Oh dear.

4/10 I am no longer down with the kids but from the sounds of it I don't want to be.

Gooping Moobie Nobbers.

[dataDave]

2/10. I teach chavs and I've never heard any of those. Bull**** waste of time, cheers.

[Crisp_Rapper]

6/10, i am a chav an i don't know it yet... come to think of it, i DO own an adidias hoodie.

[Jebus]

4/10

Time to put my slippers on and light that pipe up.

[PeteJ]

3/10 and they were guesses

Stupid kids.

[Big Seany]

Can I just say, as the thread has now been locked, we came up with a cracking name for the Suffolk ripper when in the pub last night.

THE SUFFOLKATOR

lol

Well I thought it was good.

[VR46]

call me cynical, but could be fake

JOB APPLICATION

This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner
submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.

They hired him because he was so funny.....

NAME:
Kenneth Way (Grumpy B@stard)

SEX:
Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION:
Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?

DESIRED SALARY:
?150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION:
Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY:
A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:
It was a crap job.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:
Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE?:
7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes, absolutely.

[dataDave]

Can I just say, as the thread has now been locked, we came up with a cracking name for the Suffolk ripper when in the pub last night.

THE SUFFOLKATOR

lol

Well I thought it was good.

LOL. That thread was ****e anyway, all my posts got deleted as usual when there is/was much more stupidly offensive stuff posted in there by bigger idiots than myself.

Back to the banter: Pulled some chav birds back to mine this weekend expecting some easy sex, what I got was 6 hours pass-the-pad on Ridge Racer 6 until 7am before falling asleep and waking up at tea-time. Pish.

[VR46]

lucky they didn't nick your PS3

[kernow]

LOL. That thread was ****e anyway, all my posts got deleted as usual when there is/was much more stupidly offensive stuff posted in there by bigger idiots than myself.

Back to the banter: Pulled some chav birds back to mine this weekend expecting some easy sex, what I got was 6 hours pass-the-pad on Ridge Racer 6 until 7am before falling asleep and waking up at tea-time. Pish.

maybe don't turn the games on next time? This is the 2nd time this has happened right?

[jimmbob]

A 37 Year old man has been arrested in connection to the suffolk murders. If only there was somewhere to discuss the matter.

[dataDave]

Yep. The problem is I have so many games and accessories in my flat that it's impossible to hide everything.

Respect to them for digging teh Riiiiiiiiiiiidge for so long. A staggering display of taste there.

EDIT: back to the Suffolk Pros.... is it me or doesn't the title "sex worker" seem a little grubby?

[jimmbob]

The guy they've arrested was on the front of the Sunday mirror yesterday.

[spagmasterswift]

That would proper suck for him if he aint the killer - although probably more if he is I guess >_< He has the serial killer beard tho so I'm gonna go with GUILTY!!!